


Slightest Touch

by AllegedlyAnn



Series: At a Touch [1]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel (Comics), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Bottom Bucky Barnes, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Has Issues, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Daddy Kink, Domestic Fluff, Falling In Love, Fluff, Gay Bucky Barnes, Homophobia, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Not Beta Read, Orphan Bucky Barnes, POV Bucky Barnes, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Drug Use, Past Relationship(s), Past Suicide Attempt, Pining, Protective Clint Barton, Protective Natasha Romanov, Protective Steve Rogers, Self Confidence Issues, Slow Build, Stucky endgame, Student Bucky Barnes, Unresolved Sexual Tension, War Veteran Steve Rogers, Worldbuilding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:53:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23496343
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllegedlyAnn/pseuds/AllegedlyAnn
Summary: Rogers looked up at Clint while he spoke and realized that another person was upstairs behind the man. Smiling at Bucky, Rogers stood up in all his glory.Still thunderstruck, Bucky contemplated if running away was an option, but he hated being impolite. So Bucky moved downstairs, hoping his eyes weren’t too red from crying and that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself.“Steve, this is Bucky Barnes. Bucky, this is Steve Rogers, my boss.”---Bucky is a 22-year-old student, who is figuring out what to do with his life and how to get over this past. After all, repression might not be the best coping mechanism. He is maybe also thirsting after a certain blond man he had never personally met, until today. And now suddenly they seem to run into each other all the time. The Problem? Steve Rogers is not just hot as hell, he is also kind and funny and charming and-. Yes, Bucky is no longer just thirsting, he is developing a crush.(SEQUEL IS UP)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes & Clint Barton, James "Bucky" Barnes & Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Series: At a Touch [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1690612
Comments: 154
Kudos: 288





	1. One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So Bucky's day started like shit because Brock was an asshole with an even bigger asshole friend. And now Bucky’s roommates were worried.  
> But being at Clint’s house, meeting place of their strange little patch-work family, always cheered him up.  
> However, he was not prepared for Steve Rogers, aka hottest dude on earth, to appear there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I haven't posted anything for nearly 10 years, and never anything in English.  
> As of Saturday, I've been lurking around on Ao3 for 2 years. And as of Sunday, I've been in lockdown for three weeks. Also CA:TWS is now 6 years old... So no time like the present, right?  
> UPDATE 17.01.21: I'm doing a little edit on this story, as I'm about to post the sequel, but nothing major or important. See you in part 2!

* * *

Bucky was grouchy when he returned home. The only thing he wanted, was to vanish to his room and sulk in peace. Since his roommates were already at Clint’s no one would disturb him. Or so he thought. Nat and Kate looked at him just as surprised as he did seeing them. 

He should have checked if their bikes were gone. Well too late now. Bucky gave an awkward wave and said “Hey.”

“James?! What are you doing here?” and that was Natalia Romanov, the only person in this world that called him James. He preferred Bucky, thank you very much.

“Did you move shifts? Are you working in the evening now?”, his other roommate Kate Bishop asked puzzled.

Bucky just knew this would lead to a conversation, he would rather not have. His shift had started a good hour ago and therefore he should be working right now. And he didn’t change his shift. He simply left. Because Brock was an asshole and Rollins was even worse. But he didn’t want to explain to Nat and Kate what had happened.

“Shouldn’t you be at Clint’s already?” He asked in the hope he could deflect. 

“We were asked to come a bit later,” Kate answered. But she still looked at him expectantly. And so did Nat. Shit. Deflecting didn’t work.

He sighed and moved further into their apartment. It was in the apartment complex Clint owned in Bed Stuy. Nat and Kate had moved in 4 years ago, but Bucky had only joined them a good year ago when he had started university. They, or Clint really, had created a tiny room for him, where the kitchen alcove used to be.

To get to his room he now had to move past his roommates, who were sitting in the new kitchen area. And also past the living area, with the worn pull-out couch, and look at how their indoor plants are still living. Wasn’t that great?

Bucky felt their eyes on him and he knew there was no getting out of this. They already knew something was up and his silence wasn’t helping either. For a short moment, Bucky felt tempted to just bang his door behind him. Instead, he threw his jacket on the bed with more force than necessary. Then he started to remove his scarf but stopped. That was probably not a good idea.

“What happened?”, Nat asked quietly from behind him.

Tears were already burning in his eyes and he wanted to fling himself on the bed, hide beneath the cover, and be done with the day. Nat’s hand was touching his arm, springing him out of his bitterness.

“Well, guess I’m jobless and single now?”

Okay, maybe he was a bit too dramatic right now. Brock and he had never been together. They just _fucked_. They weren’t even fuckbuddies as that would imply they were friends, to begin with. 

No, Brock Rumlow was his freaking boss. The owner of the Crossbones, the Steak House in Williamsburg that Bucky worked at. Or rather had worked at. And let’s not forget about Jack fucking Rollins. The chief and Brock’s fucking best friend. 

Bucky balled his fists and tried not to cry. Tried to be just angry and not hurt and humiliated. It shouldn’t hurt him! It was not surprising after all. Brock and Rollins were best buddies since their joint time in the military. Brock would always be on Rollins’ side. 

Even if Rollins had choked him in the kitchen.

Now Bucky was crying. Shit. He thought Nat said something, but he didn’t hear her. She pulled him towards the couch and hugged him from the side. When he had calmed down a bit he untangled himself from her. Kate was sitting on the edge of the couch with one hand on his shoulder. Bucky had not noticed her move.

“What happened?”, Nat asked again. But Bucky didn’t really know what to say and choked on his breath. He lifted a hand to this throat, not that massaging it would make it better in any way.

Nat’s hand moved up to push his scarf up. She was too attentive nowadays. “Did Rumlow choke you?”

Bucky brushed past the feeling of humiliation. Nat was his sister in all but blood. The closest thing to one he had nowadays. “No,” he choked out. “Rollins did.”

“And Rumlow?”

“Pulled him away from me and told him to cool off.”

“Nothing else?”

“Well, he told me he would get me a turtleneck to hide the bruise and that I should open up the bar.”

Kate sputtered and Nat called them assholes.

Bucky had to smile at that. “More or less what I thought? So as soon as Brock was gone I just turned around and left... They will understand that as me quitting, right?”

“Oh don’t you worry. I’m going to give the Crossbones a call now. Just to make that extra clear. And then we are going to the police and press charges.”

“What? No, Nat!” and he took her phone away while she was dialing.

Her eyes were thunderous “Why the hell not?”

“I didn’t work there officially! How are we going to explain that to the police without getting me into trouble? Just let it be.”

“I’m still calling them! I need to scream at someone and therefore I’m going to tell them you are never coming back and to fuck off!” She held out her hand for her phone with a determined look in her eyes.

Bucky thought that was fair. It would also make it harder for him to crawl back to Brock. So all the better, right?

* * *

Half an hour later Bucky stood in front of Clint’s brownstone wearing a turtleneck.

Clint lived not far from them in Clinton Hill. And yes, Clint had been delighted about buying a house here. It had been an extra selling point. Now it was the meeting place of their strange little patchwork family. Clint was a strange mixture between a crazy uncle and father figure. And maybe also an annoying older brother.

When he had been 14, he ended up in the same foster home as Natalia. They had spent a lot of time at the martial arts place next door, the Red Room Academy. Clint had been an instructor there while studying for his GED. The man had already been in his early thirties, but as far as Bucky knew, Clint grew up in a circus and never really went to school. Clint generally didn’t talk much about his past.

Bucky had his suspicions that Clint had done government work. One of his friends, Phil Coulson, most definitely did. Because Bucky could find no other explanation why Coulson had found him in that hospital in DC. ‘ _Clint asked me to look for you_ ’ didn’t explain enough.

But Bucky had learned that asking too many questions could be dangerous. Therefore he neither asked nor talked about the things he knew. Knowledge could be dangerous.

Clint’s door opened and a tiny human came flying at him “Uncle Bucky!”. He caught Phil and swung him up in his arms. “Hey there! Whew, you have become heavier again, haven’t you?” 

“Yes. I’m five now!”, he proclaimed proudly. “Ain’t that right, buddy.” Bucky smiled back.

Lucky, the family’s labrador, had followed Phil out and was now jumping Bucky’s leg in excitement. So Bucky let Phil down and kneeled to get all the sloppy dog kisses while petting Lucky to say hello.

“Look who is here, Lia. It’s Uncle Bucky.” Said man looked up to Laura, who was holding her daughter. Lia, her full name was Natalia, demanded to be picked up by Bucky and made grappling motions.

Bucky stood up and took her. “Hello princess.”

Then he started to tickle her. The girl, who would be turning three in the summer, shrieked and twisted in his arms. Bucky smiled and felt himself settle. This was home. This was the place where he felt safest.

“Hello Bucky, you’re here for lunch?”, Laura asked him while giving him a half hug in greeting.

The first time Bucky had met Laura, was at the party they had thrown to celebrate Clint getting his GED. She had been his teacher actually, but the looks they had given each other? Bucky was not surprised when Clint admitted to them dating. Also, Laura was really likable, even if his jealousy had made it a bit hard in the beginning.

“Yeah. If you will have me?”, he said sheepishly. They had not expected him after all.

“Of course! You’re always welcome here. We don’t see you often enough anyway.” That was true enough since Bucky had been preoccupied with work. And he did feel bad about that, okay? He had already missed enough.

“What voice do I hear there?” and Clint appeared and dragged him into a hug much to Lia’s dislike. Clint retreated before Lia poked his eyes out and kissed his wife on the cheek.

“If that isn’t my wayward son.” Clint grinned at him from beside Laura. The man said it only half-jokingly. Wasn’t it amazing? All stupid teenage dreams aside, this was probably better anyway.

“Are you here to steal my share of pizza?”, joked Pietro, ducking around Clint and hugging Bucky as well. Lia was still against it and pushed his face away. “Go ‘way!” Wasn’t she the cutest?

“Don’t let him mess with you, Bucky! There is enough for everyone. I even made cake!”, Pietro’s sister Wanda shouted from the kitchen.

They were twins, and Bucky knew them from being fostered at their home for a bit. That happened after the old foster home had closed. While Nat had been nearly 18 and stayed with Clint until she moved in with Kate soon after her birthday, Bucky had an unfortunate stay at Wolfgang von Strucker’s place and his two adopted kids. 

Pietro and Wanda had still been 12 and followed Bucky around with huge curiosity. They had been adorable but also, in Bucky’s opinion, neglected. Therefore he had tried his best to be there for them and introduced them to Clint so that von Strucker wasn’t the only adult they knew.

Laura had just rolled her eyes and accepted them into the family. Mumbling something about at least never having to worry about babysitters. Since Laura and Clint both often worked in the evenings that was a real concern!

“Did I hear cake?” he said as he moved towards the kitchen to greet Wanda. As she was removing pizza from the oven he didn’t hug her. Lia probably approved.

“It’s just chocolate with cherries.” 

“Still cake. I approve!”

Wanda rolled her eyes but grinned. “It’s for later. First, there is pizza.”

It was always pizza. Every Sunday for lunch all of them were invited to Clint’s house for pizza. Everyone was half convinced that Clint was secretly made of pizza.

After Wanda had put the pizza down, she moved to hug him in greeting. Of course, Lia disapproved of that.

“What’s this, princess? You want me all to yourself today?” 

“Yes!” and she looked at him with her big eyes and pouted. She was way cute and especially good at looking innocent and pleading. Admittingly Bucky might have helped in that development.

“Oh, dear. Go and sit Lia down in her chair,” Laura told him. “I’m going to heat up her meal, she is probably a bit cranky because she is hungry. We are a bit later today.”

Of course, Lia absolutely didn’t want to sit down as that would mean letting go of her Bucky. She only relented when Bucky promised to sit down next to her and feed her. However, now Bucky was too preoccupied with Lia and had no time to eat for himself. Sacrificed had to be mad and by the time Lia wanted to use him as her oversized teddy bear again, he had only managed a few bites. Nonetheless, he gave in and tried to get her face somewhat clean before she buried her face in his chest.

“Time to go to bed, sweety.” Laura’s attempt to get her daughter only resulted in Lia flinging her arms around Bucky’s neck. “Noooo! Not tired!” Bucky winced as his neck was a bit tender at the moment.

Clint chuckled from his left side. “I think you’re stuck with her, buddy.”

“Oh really? Whatever gave you that expression?” Bucky shot back while he gently removed Lia’s arms from his neck. 

“How about this, princess, I take you upstairs and read a little story for you?” But Lia just shook her head unimpressed.

“Alright, alright.” Bucky stood up and moved into the living room to sit on the couch. Lia would fall asleep sooner rather than later anyway. And while she used him as her pillow he could at least get a bit more comfortable.

It also gave Phil space to snuggle up next to him, the boy didn’t look that awake anymore either. Bucky rubbed Lia’s back and stroked Phil’s hair and smiled. He remembered the first time he had held Phil. And how he had cried upon meeting Lia after he had returned. She had been a lovely surprise.

Bucky loved Clint’s children, he loved kids generally. He hoped that someday he would have children of his own. Then again, it would be so much easier if he was into women or at least a woman himself, right? 

Bucky buried his face into Lia’s hair and breathed. He should not think like that. And he was only 22, he still had all the time.

Wanda was giggling beside him, so he moved his head to look at her. She had her phone out and now showed him the picture she had just snapped of the three of them and Bucky smiled again, telling her to send it to him. 

Soon enough Lia and Phil were sleeping peacefully. Clint lifted his son and Bucky followed him upstairs to put the children to bed.

* * *

When he left Lia’s room, Clint was waiting for him. “You’re okay? Natasha and Kate seemed a bit tense and I know there is more going on than just a change in your shift.”

Bucky sighed. Nat knowing was bad. But Clint? Clint was still that person he wanted to make proud.

Of course, nowadays Clint was mostly a father figure to Bucky, but he was the guy that made Bucky question his sexuality when he was 14 as well. He had even learned sign language only to impress Clint all those years ago. Not that Clint knew all that. That was a kind of embarrassment that Bucky never wanted to encounter.

“Whatever Brock and I had is over. And I also quit at the Crossbones today. It was just a toxic workplace by now, you know? Rollins really doesn’t like me.”

“What did he do?”

“Well, he got physical? Brock had to pull him off but then pretended as if nothing had happened. I just left afterward.”

“Physical? What did he do?” Clint’s voice had an edge to it now.

“He choked me. I- for a moment I really thought he was going to kill me.” Bucky whispered the last bit as he played with his turtleneck. He hadn’t admitted that to Nat and Kate.

Clinty moved slowly and gently pulled the turtleneck down to look at Bucky’s neck. “Ouch! That is bruising. Does your throat hurt?” Clint looked at him with concern. 

“It’s a bit sore? Maybe my voice is a bit hoarse. But I can swallow just fine. And breathing doesn’t hurt either, or anything.”, Bucky hastily said to reassure him. 

“Do your ears ring?” Clint’s look was burning, so Bucky answered promptly even if he was confused. “What? No! I mean, they did while it happened? I suppose?”

“There is a small popped vein in your right eye. You have no problem with your vision?” 

“No?”

“And you didn’t lose consciousness?” 

“Well, I was about too, when Brock pulled him off?”

“Okay, okay.” Clint lowered his eyes and relaxed his posture. 

”Your throat is going to be a bit sore and the bruises have to heal. Otherwise, you should be fine. But I’m keeping an eye on you and will tell Nat the same later, good? And now please be truthful. Did this happen before?” Clint’s eyes were on him again, less intense. Bucky still knew to say nothing but the truth. 

“Uhm. Rollins shoved or grabbed me too hard at times. Sometimes enough to leave bruises. But never like this. I’m not even sure what set him off this time.”

“And did Rumlow ever get violent with you?”

Bucky opened his mouth and closed it again. Well, Rumlow had never done anything, that Bucky was truly opposed to? But he wasn’t going to tell Clint that.

“That was between Rollins and me. Rollins had a bad temper? Brock was more level headed. But he only intervened when it got bad? Like today. And it was always more for Rollins’ sake than mine, I suppose.” 

Clint furrowed his brow, having noticed Bucky’s moment of hesitation. Bucky felt himself tens up. Clint breathed out and looked at the wall. 

“You’re okay?” The man asked then, seemingly deciding to not probe further.

“Yeah. I mean it’s not like I had real feelings for him. He was an asshole, I knew that. He was just a way to let off steam? It’s okay. Just have to find a new job now.”

“You know you can always talk to me, right? And you don’t have to be okay if you are not. Just- tell me? Or someone? And let us help. We will help, Bucky! And maybe wait with the job hunt? Finals aren’t that far off anymore. You work too much anyway.”

Bucky had known that Clint and Nat and everybody hadn’t approved of his relationship with Brock. For multiple reasons. They had told him as much but had let him be. Which was frankly more than he deserved.

He swallowed. “Did I do good? With leaving?”

Clint looked down at him with a helpless, slightly sad look, before he dragged Bucky into a hug. “Shh. It’s okay. Shh. You did good. Said it yourself, toxic working place. Your mental and physical health should always come first. You did good.”

And fuck Bucky was crying again so he clung a bit closer to Clint. “Promise me you’ll talk to Dr. Xavier about this?” Clint asked while he stroked Bucky’s hair.

“Yeah. Next video appointment is coming up later this week anyway.” 

“Good.” Bucky closed his eyes and breathed. Inhaled that comforting smell that was Clint. It was okay. He was safe. 

A knock on the front door separated them. 

“Oh, that must be Steve.” Clint went down to open the door, where Lucky was already waiting with a wagging tail. 

Wait, Steve? Bucky stood dumbfounded at the top of the stair and wiped away his tears. There was only one person that Clint could mean with Steve.

Steve as in Steven Grant Rogers. Former Captain of the US Army, a Medal of Honor receptionist nicknamed Captain America. The founder of SHIELD Security with its headquarters at Stark Tower. Clint’s and Nat’s boss.

Also that gorgeous human being with broad shoulders and so many delicious muscles. Bucky was drooling over Rogers ever since Nat had shown him the first picture nearly 2 years ago.

Now there Rogers stood in the doorway, as in real! Not a photo! With an amazing looking brown leather jacket hugging his arms.

“Hey, Clint. I thought maybe your kids are sleeping so I didn’t want to ring. But knocking seems to work just fine.” Bucky had watched videos of Rogers, but that voice was even more awesome in real life.

“And hello there, who is a good boy!” It was even awesome when it was higher pitched!

Rogers had gone down on his knees, put his helmet on the ground, and was petting Lucky as the dog was trying to slobber up his face. “Yes. You’re a good boy.” Bucky would very much like to be Steve Rogers’ good boy?!

Bucky had never met him before, okay? He was not prepared for this. He was allowed to drool, right?

“You came with your Harley?” Clint laughed as he closed the door. 

“Yeah. Though when I’m in Brooklyn anyway I could get her from Izzy’s place. The weather is getting nicer and I’m going to take her for spins more often now.”

Rogers looked up at Clint while he spoke and realized that another person was upstairs behind the man. Smiling at Bucky, Rogers stood up in all his glory. 

Still thunderstruck, Bucky contemplated if running away was an option, but he hated being impolite. So Bucky moved downstairs, hoping his eyes weren’t too red from crying and that he wouldn't make a fool out of himself. 

“Steve, this is Bucky Barnes. Bucky this is Steve Rogers, my boss.”

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Rogers.” Was his voice okay? It wasn’t too high or too hoarse, right?

Rogers smiled down at him and took Bucky’s offered hand. Oh man, these blue eyes. And these crow’s feet. And what a gorgeous smile. And that strong hand! Steve Rogers was touching him!

“It’s nice to meet you. Clint and Natasha talk about you all the time, so does Pietro. Yet, I never met you. I almost thought you were a ghost story.”

“Ghost story!? You saw pictures of him. You knew he was real!”, Clint exclaimed but his boss just grinned. Buchy meanwhile tried to comprehend that Rogers had known of his existence.

“Steve! What are you doing here?” There came Nat hugging Rogers in greeting. Bucky wanted a hug too?

“Hey Natasha, just picking something up from Clint. You’re okay? How is college?”

“I’m good. And, you know, lot’s of studying. Same old same old. You’re ready for me in June?”

At the moment Nat only worked part-time for SHIELD. She would have started full-time, but Rogers had made it clear that she should continue her studies, but that she could work there only every odd weekend and start full time after graduating in summer.

“Of course we are. And if we are talking about it: Could you already start on the 30th? It’s a Friday evening and Pepper is flying to Russia. That’s after your finals, right? Could you join her?”

A moment of surprise flashed over Nat’s face before she forced herself to look cool again. “Oh? I mean yes, of course, but why me?”

“A rather simple reason actually: You speak Russian. I need Clint to stay behind to train the new recruits. Also, Pepper seemed delighted with the idea of working with you again.”

“Okay, so it’s just me and Miss Potts?”

“Well, actually you’ll be joined by Happy Hogan. You have met him, right? He was my former boss while I was still Pepper’s direct bodyguard. So you won’t be on your own. Even if I think you would still master it.”

“With Happy? I thought he and Mr. Stark are inseparable?”

“Well yes, he normally shadows Tony nowadays and most of the security work was outsourced to us. But I guess Tony didn’t want Pepper to go alone. They’ll survive a few days apart.”

“Wow.”, Nat said stunned, blinked a moment, before frowning. ”What about my visa and passport?”

“Well, if you don’t have one better get one fast. We’ll take care of the visa.”

Now a real grin spread over Nat’s face and she turned to Bucky with visible excitement. “Did you hear that James? I’m returning to Russia, I haven’t been back since Ivan and I left when I was six!”

With a forced smile, Bucky nodded. “Yeah, please come back safe and leave Russia in one piece.” 

Nat scowled at him but focused on Rogers again to ask more questions. It was nice to see her this excited, but Bucky’s inside still had frozen up at the mention of Ivan Petrovich. He knew Natalia still thought of him as the closest thing to a father she had had. And Bucky hadn’t wanted to destroy her image of him, so as always he kept silent about what kind of man Petrovich really had been. 

“Steve! Hello, you want to stay for some pizza or cake?”, Laura had joined them by the entrance, dragging Bucky away from dark thoughts and back into reality. Where he was safe in Clint’s house. 

His eyes focused on Rogers, woo looked a bit caught off guard. “No no! I don’t want to intrude. I’m just here to get a few things.”

“Nonsense! You are not interrupting. Our house is full of people and food. Come join us!” 

When Nat, always the little helper, started to remove Rogers’ jacket the man accepted defeat and shrugged it off with a huff. “Fine, fine. But not for too long.”

Underneath he was wearing a black pullover and it didn’t make them obvious but still: these pecs. And these arms! Not to mention that Rogers then rolled up his sleeves so Bucky could see all the glorious popped out veins on his underarms and die a little inside.

“You want Pizza? We are reheating something for Bucky anyway. Lia monopolized him so he didn’t manage to eat.”

“Well, I better want some pizza unless I want to be kicked out of this house for blasphemy, right,” Rogers said with a good-natured grin.

Grinning back, Clint clapped Rogers on the shoulder. “That’s my man!”

While Bucky still daydreamed about touching the man’s shoulders as well, Rogers was greeted cheerfully by the twins. Even Kate greeted him warmly, which threw off Bucky a bit since Kate was always reserved when it came to men. It was just a weird reminder that everyone already knew Rogers. Everyone except Bucky. 

Soon Bucky found out that Pietro was training with Rogers for the New York City Marathon in November. Sure Pietro loved running, but Bucky had not known he wanted to participate in a freaking Marathon!

Bucky silently ate his pizza and listened. He didn’t know what to say. It was a bit intimidating to have Rogers sitting right there next to him. In touching distance! Furthermore, this day had already been way too troublesome, Bucky was exhausted and suddenly he felt like sleeping for days.

Finally, he escaped to the kitchen for a bit to help Wanda with the dishes.

“Hey”, she smiled at him. ”Are you okay? You’re so silent today.” 

Great, of course, she would notice something was off. Breathing out harshly Bucky smiled at her. “Yeah. Just- Rollins and I got into a fight and Brock sided with him. And now I’m jobless and whatever Brock and I had is over as well. But yeah.”

“A fight?”, she scowled. “Well, Rumlow was an asshole anyway.” And yep, nobody here liked Brock.

“Yeah”, Bucky mumbled and leaned into her as she hugged him from the side. 

“You’re not even trying to argue? Good! Don’t go back to him. You deserve better.” She squeezed him tight, before taking the cake and leaving the room. 

For a moment Bucky just stood there and watched her go. He didn’t really know if he deserved something better. He was damaged goods after all. Sighing, he left the kitchen and sat back down next to Rogers, who was smiling at Pietro. It was a really beautiful smile.

He maybe couldn’t touch the man, but at least he could look, right? 

* * *

So I kind of made a plan for their apartment and toughed I'd share it. Looks roughly like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) 😊


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky’s professor is a special kind of strange and Bucky also had some awesome friends. 
> 
> He didn’t expect that to lead to a chance for an internship at Stark Industries, but oh well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back. I hope you are all staying safe out there.  
> And I made a plan for their apartment. It's at the end of last chapter if you want to take a look.  
> 

* * *

By Monday Bucky had reasonably recovered from meeting Steve Rogers and being in the same room with him for a few hours.

Life went on as if nothing earthshaking had happened and Bucky was scrolling down a list of available jobs in his break. Something he should probably stop soon since said break was nearly over, he didn’t want to catch his professor’s ire and lose this internship. It was paid and his only saving grace at the moment! 

Bucky wasn’t even sure how he got this job, to begin with, as a lousy undergraduate who had only been studying for a year and a half who was majoring in engineering, not neuroscience! Okay hid did also major in psychology now and with that, he had ended up diving into cognitive neuroscience last autumn, which had let him here. To a weird internship with Dr. Strange. 

It wasn’t like he was a teacher’s assistant or something, no, Bucky was just here to do the jobs that Dr. Strange felt were beneath him. Like copying, making presentations, or talking to unimportant people like common students, that annoyed him and not the teachers’ assistants like they were supposed to. 

As far as Bucky knew, no one before him had managed to stay in this position longer than three weeks. Either leaving on their own or getting kicked out. All in all Dr. Strange had the reputation of an arrogant asshole and yes Bucky would agree, that the man tended to get up on the wrong side of the bed more often than not. Dr. Strange also expected perfectionism and threw around cutting remarks about the lack of one’s intelligence once in a while.

However, Bucky kind of understood that losing mobility in your hands because of a car crash sucked. Even more, if you couldn’t keep working as a neurosurgeon because of it. Days, when Dr. Strange’s shaking hands irritated him, were especially bad. 

But if one learned to not take it personally it became manageable. Dr. Strange wasn’t all bad once he warmed up to you, or rather since Bucky unimpressed started sassing back. That how he found out that Dr. Strange had a _strange_ sense of humor, that included a lot of bad puns. Bucky had managed to survive. 

Since Dr. Strange’s lectures were mostly about the introduction into neuroscience, one of the reasons why Bucky ended up here, his questionable knowledge about the topic wasn’t that much of a hindrance. And there was the internet. Thank god for the internet! (And nice teachers assistants) 

“I hope you are not planning to become a taxi driver, Barnes.” There he was, Dr. Stephen Strange, standing right behind him and looking at the screen.

“Don’t have a driver’s license.”

“Hm, well you could try that dishwasher job there. We are after all living in New York. Maybe you’ll become a millionaire.”

“And that million would vanish because of my student’s debt.”

“You are awfully cheerful today, Barnes. Well, I have good news then. Thank me for being awesome.”

“Huh?”

“Eloquent, Barnes. I know you are capable of the English Language. Use it!”

“Okay then: Could you please explain your awesomeness, Doctor Strange?”

“Well, thank me and your friend Vision for being awesome. That one is a good friend, better keep him.”

“Vision? How do you know Vision and what does he have to do with this?”

“I have the questionable honor of knowing Tony Stark and therefore Vision as well. And Vision is going to Wakanda this summer. Therefore Dr. Bruce Banner needs a substitute and Vision put your name forward.”

“Okay?” Well not okay, kinda okay? Bucky was trying to keep up with what was going on. Vision going to Wakanda? What? 

“Yes, and my friend Bruce just called me. Nice as I am, I put in a good word for you. So again: Thank me for being awesome because I just got you a summer internship with Dr.Banner starting on the second of June.”

“Wait, what.”

“Yes, I know I am awesome. I will totally accept chocolate muffins as a tribute. So stop searching for a useless side job, they are below your intelligence anyway.”

“But- what? I need a job!” It wasn’t that urgent, but still?

“You have a job. I do pay you, don’t I? And then there will be a salary for your internship. Stark Industries is known for paying well. Once you have that internship under your belt you’ll have quite different job opportunities.”

“Yeah, but I always had two jobs. I-”

“If you are short on money, Barnes. I’ll find something you can do for me. But first I’ll send you an email with contact details for Dr. Banner. Sent him a resume and sort things out with him.”

“But Dr. Banner is a scientist in biochemistry! I know nothing about that!”

“You also barely know anything about neuroscience and I still put up with you. And you know why? Because of your quick perception. You’ll be fine. The rest you can sort out with Dr. Banner yourself.”

“...That’s like the second compliment you made me in the last 5 minutes. You _do_ like me!” 

Dr. Strange shot him a glare. “Get back to work Barnes! There are too many emails in my inbox, I don’t want to deal with that many dunderheads asking about the finals. Deal with it.”

"Of course, Professor Snape!”

“You are an ungrateful brat, Barnes! And I’m far better looking!”

* * *

Once Bucky was free of his duty of dealing with stupid questions from students and could leave Dr. Strange office, he sent a text to Vision. 

> Bucky:
> 
> _Wtf Vis? Internship with Dr. Banner?_
> 
> Vis:
> 
> _I'm going to Wakanda this summer, so Dr. Banner will need an assistant while I'm gone._
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _Warn a man!_
> 
> Vis:
> 
> _I apologize. I was told raising false hope would be mean? If you do not want the internship that’s okay._
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _god no! sorry vis. thank you. dinner? my treat_
> 
> Vis:
> 
> _I'm still at Tandon, but we could meet up here?_
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _Wfm. I'll take the metro. half an hour?_
> 
> Vis:
> 
> _See you then._

Bucky sighed, he did have a bad coincidence now. Vision had done him a favor after all. He cursed his phone again as well. It was Clint’s old phone that still had T-9 and writing took forever. 

Not to mention that Vision didn’t really get SMS language, making texting with him always a little weird. On top of that Vision wasn’t always the best at understanding clues and social situations, and he therefore often came across as awkward. Texting wasn’t helping that at all, hence Bucky preferred to meet Vision in person. 

Sure enough, once Bucky exited the metro in Brookly, Vision was coming towards him from the NYU Tandon School of Engineering where he had probably been in the labs and they sat down for something to eat while they talked.

“So what’s this about? You’re going to Wakanda?”

“Yes. As I am graduating this summer I have to find out what to do afterward. We talked about traveling, didn’t we?”

“Yes, we did. After you told me about going to Malibu and I told you how I always wanted to see the Grand Canyon - among other things- and then we listed all the things we would like to see in the world. Should have written it all down.”

“It kind of evolved from that. I thought about doing voluntary work in developing countries. People talked about it as something good? It intrigued me. I told that to Dr. Banner. He apparently told Mr. Stark, who told Miss Potts, who again told Captain Rogers.”

There he was again. Steve Rogers. It was somewhat cute that Vision still called him Captain even though he was retired.

“Captain Rogers is friends with King T’Challa. And that ended in me being offered to come and visit Wakanda and help their relief aid workers. It sounded really interesting, so I accepted.”

“Wow. Well, I’m sure it will be interesting. Tell me about it and send me pictures?”

“I shall do that. It would be nice to stay in touch?” Why would Vision sound so uncertain about that? 

“Yes, it would. Although you, of course, will end up in a different time zone.”

“Well, that is true. Anyway, as you know I work as Dr. Banner’s assistant and he could need someone while I’m gone, so I told him about you. However, I was not aware that Dr. Banner had made contact, I only found out last week.”

“Yeah well, Dr. Strange just informed me that Dr. Banner gave him a call. And now I should send Dr. Banner my resume and work things out with him?”

“Yes, but don’t worry. You do not necessarily have to work at the same time as I did, it would be around 12 hours a week, there is plenty of time to fit that in, right? Oh and I’ll be only leaving for Wakanda on the 7th of July, I’ll be working you in beforehand.”

“So we’ll be together for the whole of June?”

“No, I’m away with Mr. Stark for the second half of June. We are visiting Asgard Enterprise in Norway. I’m looking forward to seeing Thor again, and I’m curious about his brother. I haven’t met him before.”

“Why is that?” 

Vision looked a bit uncomfortable. “Well, Thor always visited us alone? And Loki has only been home again for about a year?”

“Wait. Loki?! As in that guy that caused the commotion at the Tesseract in 2012?” 

“Yes, him.” 

Bucky doesn’t know what exactly had happened in 2012, as he had been upstate in Xavier’s school. However, he knew that it had caused the Tesseract, one of New York’s biggest night clubs, to close. It had also meant that Clint, who had worked there as a bouncer, lost his job. It also got him the job at SHIELD, so it somehow worked out. But still, that Loki?

“Oh, dear.”

“I’m sure he can not be that bad. Thor obviously loves him very much.”

“Well, I wish you good luck with that.”

“I’m sure it will be fine. And Dr. Banner also doesn’t have the best reputation. I thought that would not be a problem for you.”

Not the best reputation was one way to say it. Supposedly Dr. Banner had destroyed half an army base and killed at least 10 soldiers back in 2010. However, most of the information about the said incident was classified, as Dr. Banner had worked for the military. 

It was only known because Tony Stark had involved himself in Dr. Banner’s defense. And he wasn’t the only well-known person to speak out on Dr. Banner’s behalf. That whole situation was somewhat fishy. But the result was, that Dr. Banner was put under house arrest. Stark had offered him to stay at Stark Tower and work for him. Bucky would have accepted as well.

Also, Vision and Dr. Strange had spoken positively about him, Bucky trusted their judgment more than an official verdict that described Dr. Banner as a violent mass murder with an aggressive disorder without ever bringing forward any proof thanks to secrecy.

“It won’t. You know him. Dr. Strange knows him. I will withhold judgment until I’ve got to know him. Same with Loki than, I suppose.”

“I will do that. And Dr. Banner was uncertain. It’s therefore also good that I’m there in the beginning. I was told it could avert certain awkwardness between you and Dr. Banner if you weren’t alone at first.”

“What I’m still not getting is how I would be of much help to Dr. Banner? I’m not studying biochemistry?”

“Neither am I. I study engineering after all. But Dr. Banner works for Stark Industries and his job is highly varied. I thought your input on cognitive psychology could be helpful in some of the things we are working on. I can however not tell you more, as these include company secretly and you would have to sign an NDA beforehand.”

Which was reasonable and something Bucky had already figured. “Well, you know best. Could I send my resume to you beforehand? Before I sent it to Dr. Banner I mean.”

“Sure I’ll look over it.”

Not that it would have much to tell. Expect an empty year followed by a stay at Xavier’s school for Youngsters. It would not take long for Dr. Banner to figure out what that meant. Xavier’s school was known for its work to help troubled youngsters, be it behavioral problems, mental issues, drugs, or whatsoever.

He had been so surprised when he got the job as Dr. Strange assistant. He must know what it means. But Professor Xavier also had told him, that the school had a nonetheless good reputation. He would see what it would mean for Dr. Banner.

Stop. No. He needed to stop thinking about that.

“Thank you, Vis. But other question: I thought you were doing you’re master’s degree? And now you are thinking about what to do in the future?”

“Well, yes. But Mr. Stark told me there was no hurry. That I could see the world and _find myself_.” 

Bucky didn’t know, what the relationship between Vision and Mr. Stark was like. But he knew that officially Vision was his ward. Since Vision never shared anything else, Bucky never inquired further. It was like knowing his surname was Jarvis, but no one ever called him by that name. Even the professors called him Vision.

“Well, you did always want to travel.”

“Yes. Now I’ll start in Wakanda and see from there. Although it is strange to not know what I will do come autumn.”

“Welcome to being human, pal. Most of the time we do not know shit. When I started studying I nearly choose linguistics because I always liked learning languages. But then decided on engineering anyway. Now here I am, suddenly also majoring in psychology. Believe me, that was never my plan until you kind of pulled me into it.”

“I do not think, I should take credit for that. It is quite clear that you are like me. You also enjoy understanding how the brain works.”

“I still didn't think that I would take up another major in psychology and somehow end up getting an internship at Stark Industries through that awkward boy I met in a lecture about artificial intelligence. You really made my life better, buddy.”

"At this point in the conversation, I am not sure if you are being sincere or making fun of me." 

“A bit of both I suppose. But I am grateful. So tell me more about Wakanda?” 

* * *

Once Bucky had come home, he, of course, immediately told his roommates about the internship option. Supporting as she was, Kate decided they needed to drink champagne in celebration, his objection that he didn’t even yet have the job fell on deaf ears. But between the three of them, one bottle would not end in a hungover, right? Nat, while classically shipping champagne, had declared they needed to go shopping. After all, Bucky needed business attire now.

Which explained why a few days later he was now standing in a changing room with numerous suits beside him.

“Won’t one be enough? I mean it’s just for the job interview. I don’t have the internship just yet!”

“Oh come on. The interview is just a formality. You have that job, as long as you don’t behave totally stupid during it. I mean, just that Bruce is willing to talk to you means you already more or less won the battle and since I know you are not stupid, you’ll be fine.”

“Bruce? You know him? You’re on first-name basis?” he stepped out of the changing room with another suit for Nat’s inspection.

“We do occasionally do yoga together.” Bucky decided he did not want any clarification about that statement. 

Nat pushed him in front of the mirror and pulled on the suit. Bucky let her do as she pleased. Resistance was futile. So he just simply turned around when Nat wanted to take a photo. “Change into another.”

The procedure went on and on with Nat taking pictures of every suit. “Why are you taking all these pictures, anyway?”

“Hm? Oh, I sent them to Steve for a second opinion.”

“Steve!?”, Bucky's brain exploded. Holy shit, Steve Rogers just had gotten one picture after another of Bucky in the past half an hour.

“Yeah. He has good taste. I mean, Miss Potts values his opinion. She always forces him to go shopping with her. And since I’m taking my gay best friend shopping I have to ask another gay friend for his opinion, right?” 

Wait a minute. “Gay? What?”

“Okay, Okay. I simplified that down to get the stereotypical gay friend you ask about fashion and colors. Steve is bisexual.” 

Bisexual, as in attracted to women and men. As in theoretically could be attracted to Bucky? Okay no, he should not think like that, Rogers was way too good for him, and not to mention that Bucky was probably just a kid in his eyes. Besides that: “Doesn’t he have a wife?”

Because Bucky had absolutely stalked Rogers online. That guy had a Wikipedia article, okay? It was mostly about how he got his Medal of Honor, but Bucky remembered there being something about a wife. 

“Well, he was married yes. Her name was Peggy, but she passed away nearly five years ago. I think he did really love her and still does. He gets all sad and mopey when she is mentioned. I think it was one of the reasons why Beth and he didn’t work out.”

“Who is Beth?”

“Oh, his ex-girlfriend. Sie is a waitress here in Manhattan, they dated for like... two years? Not sure. Never mind back to the topic. It’s just a stupid stereotype anyway. You may be my _gay best friend_ , but if I would listen to your opinion on colors the only thing in my closet would be black!”

“There is nothing wrong with black! I like black and besides, I also war gray. Even light gray!” Bucky was glad, that Nat brushed him asking about Rogers off. He really didn’t need her to know about him thirsting after her boss. 

“Those are not colors. It’s so dull! Steve thinks blue looks good on you and that you should take that blue suit with you. But he also said that wearing a simple black suit for the interview would be best.”

Bucky’s inside made a little flop. Rogers had an opinion on what looked good on him? Then again Bucky had to agree, the blue suit _did_ look amazing on him. He sighed. “So what? You want me to get that blue suit and a black suit?”

“Among others.”

“Natalia! No! I admit that the blue one looks fantastic, so I’ll take it. And then another one in black. But two are enough. This shit costs money! Besides, I’m working there in summer, won’t jackets be overrated?”

Bucky didn’t mind shopping per se, he just disliked spending the money. Also, his room was so small and the stuff had to be placed somewhere.

“Stark Tower has an amazing ACS. You’ll need jackets, believe me. But fine, two for now and once you have the job we’ll go shopping again. But you still need dress shirts!”

“Okay, but I’ll wear long sleeves right? If you say it is relatively cold in the building? Because I have been worrying about that.”

His hand instinctively went up to his left shoulder with the urge to scratch. Even in summer, he would always wear long-sleeve shirts. Or at least ones so big and loose fitted, that they covered the space up to his elbow. Sometimes he would even wear a bandage. 

Everything to cover up the scar on his left shoulder. In stupid attempts to get the star gone, he had scratched and cut at it. Now his arm looked like a warzone. Not to mention, that no scratching could ever get away what was deep under the skin. 

“Shh. James, I need you to breathe and calm down. You are safe. I’m right here. Everything is okay,” Nat was holding his left hand, bringing him back to the here and now.

Bucky blinked and remembered that he was in the mall with Nat. Nothing had happened, he was safe and it was okay. He breathed in and out, past the feeling of sickness, and tugged at Nat’s hand until she hugged him.

“Sorry,” he mumbled into her hair.

“No, it’s okay. Just calm down and then we’ll go and buy shirts that are long enough. And you shouldn’t wear short sleeves under a suit jacket anyway. It looks stupid.”

Bucky huffed a laugh and slowly let go of her. “Well, you know best.”

Nat grinned at him. “Yep, and apart from that, I can just ask Steve. And Steve says blue suits you, so we are going to buy you that blue suit and now we are going for some blue shirts. It will add color to your wardrobe.”

Bucky scowled at her but followed obediently. It wasn’t worth fighting her and that episode just now had made him warry.

In the end, Bucky bought an ordinary black suit and, of course, that blue suit. He also got some white and blue dress shirts but argued with Nat that he would also buy a black one. Otherwise, he got a simple black tie and black dress shoes, that had to be enough.

Bucky winced a bit at the cost. After all, he did just quit his job at the Crossbones and he didn’t want to run out of money. Admittingly he was being gloomy, even if the job with Dr. Strange was just a few hours, it was still paid, he did still have money. 

Moreover, Clint absolutely refused to make them pay rent. Sure, they still had to cover the additional costs, but that was nothing in comparison. They were living in New York City! Rent was the biggest expense factor here. It was their greatest advantage and the reason why they did not move on campus and accepted the metro rides. 

Obviously, Nat didn’t go on this shopping spree without getting some things as well, but she did have a paying job after all. With her stuff, there was a pair of panties for him that she had taken with a tiny eye roll. 

As much as he was able to declare himself gay nowadays, looking the clerk in the eyes while buying girl panties? Nope. No. Absolutely not! But they were comfortable okay? And cute, there were little bunnies on them! No one needed to know. He wanted the bunnies, and that was okay. Although he got his nipple piercings for all the wrong reasons, he kept them because he wanted them. This was his body and his choice, right?

* * *

All in all the Video chat with his psychologist was well-timed this week, he had a lot to talk about this evening. Therefore he tried to get comfortable on the bed, with his old laptop and accepted a Skype call from Professor Xavier.

“Hello Bucky, how are you this evening,” the bald man smiled at him from the other side. 

“Hey, Professor X. Uh, I’m fine. And you?”

“Me too, how was your week?” Wasn’t that a loaded question?

“Well, the week was eventful?” Professor Xavier gave him an expectant look. “So, last Sunday I stopped working at the Crossbones? And also stopped seeing Brock. It was, uh. Rollins got physical and I guess I had enough?” 

Professor Xavier hummed. “And how do you feel about that now?”

“Kind of relieved, kind of anxious? I mean rationally I know it was for the best, but it was still... I mean I just quit my work, you know? And I was used to seeing Brock. I mean I don't miss him, but I do? Wanda said I can do better than that. And I guess she is right? But I was used to him. Knowing I won’t see him again just is… weird.”

“You have something better in mind?” Bucky just knew that this was a trick question, he still blushed. “Oh, look at that. Found a boy to your liking?”, and now he was ripping him.

Bucky sent him a glare. “No, and boys aren't my preference. I like men.” He had to stop himself from sticking out his tongue. 

“Alright, alright. Anything else that happened?” 

“Well, I lost a job and kind of already potentially maybe have another.”

“And?”

“Well, Vis is going to Wakanda? And he offered me to take his place as Bruce Banner’s intern.” 

“Wakanda, huh? I know their new King, T'Challa. We meet at a gathering once, he has an interest in helping troubled children as well. From what I gathered there, he is a great guy. I'm sure your friend will learn a lot. And for you that could mean a job with Dr. Banner.”

“Yeah, what do you know about Dr. Banner?”

Professor Xavier stocked a bit at that and hummed. “Well mostly just what is official, which of course isn't much because of military secrecy.”

“But what is official, isn't always the truth, right? I mean Nat and Clint know Dr. Banner as well, and they seem to like him. And Vis works with him! And Dr. Strange also only had good things to say about him?

“And do you want that job?”

“I don't really get how an undergraduate in engineering and psychology could be of use for a chemical scientist like Dr. Banner, but it would look good in my resume. It could be a chance, I suppose, Internships at Stark Industries still mean a lot. And from what I gathered, Dr. Banner is still a renowned scientist?” 

“As you know, I work and have worked with many people, that by criminal record were scum. I have learned that it is never so easy. Look at yourself, Bucky, you have a known history with drugs. But that doesn't define you. You are two and a half years clean now. Not one relapse. Which is amazing.”

This made Bucky think about how lucky he was. His overdose had been his way out. Not necessarily the way he had planned, but that turned out for the better, hadn't it?

“Hey, you’re still with me?”

“Uh, sorry zoned out there a bit.”

They kept on talking for an hour. Bucky felt better afterward, but also exhausted and itchy. But he decided he would look at Dr. Banner with an open mind.

Who was he to judge anyway?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/)


	3. Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maneuvering Stark Tower wasn’t that easy and Bucky had to make it to his job interview in time. Luckily he had a captain helping him along.
> 
> And as much as he wasn’t prepared to meet Steve Rogers again, nothing could have prepared him for the Tony Stark crashing his job interview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm baaaack.  
> Just as a warning, for all those who haven't already foreseen something: I can't write Bucky without a tragic past.

* * *

Using the metro took about 30 minutes to get from Brooklyn to the Columbus Circle in Manhattan. Now Bucky stared up the 93 feet tall building with its glass front that was Stark Tower, getting ready for his interview with Dr. Banner.

When he entered the building he stood in the entrance hall that was three floors high alone. He saw a food truck selling hot dogs and a sign for a nearby Starbucks. Besides that, there were signs for other firms as well as the Maria Stark Memorial Children’s Hospital. This place was wild!

Wild and huge. Now somehow Bucky had to find Dr. Banner’s office in this huge building and he had no idea where to go. The receptionist could be a start, right? The woman with her designer business suit and manicured nails gave him a polite smile with perfect teeth and directed him towards security on the third floor.

Once there, he was greeted by a man with curly hair who smiled shyly but friendly, an employee of SHIELD. “Hello, Mr. Barnes. I am Camron Klein. Mr. Barton told me you would come by today. It’s nice to meet you. I saw pictures of you on his desk.”

“Wait, Clint seriously has a picture of me on his desk? Uh, and it’s nice to meet you, Mr. Klein.” 

“Oh, he as a bunch of pictures. He told me you are here for a job interview?”

“Yes. I have one with Dr. Banner. Although I’m not really sure where to go. Also, the woman at the reception said I had to pass security first?”

“That’s right. I’ll make you a visitor’s badge first. And while I know who you are, I’ll still need some form of identification.” So Bucky gave him his ID and waited while Klein worked on his computer. He should have talked to Nat about this, she would have told him to make time for security. 

“Here that’s for you. Clip it on. Next, I’ll need to scan your bag. Please also remove your jacket and mobile terminals like a phone or laptop.” Bucky hastened to comply. Would security be this tight every day?

“Great, Come along, I’ll show you where the lockers are. You’ll have to lock all your things away. The badge will be your key and the area is under surveillance so your things will be safe.” 

Bucky immediately missed his phone. Also, a suit wasn’t his normal attire. Save to say he was feeling a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention that he would have a job interview soon. “Right, and now?” he asked Klein to distract himself.

“Now you have to pass security yourself.” 

Bucky blinked. “Like a full-body scan, or what?” Nat should have mentioned this!

“No no. I’ll pat you down and use a metal detector.”

Metal detector? Why the hell had Nat not mentioned this? Bucky would have taken out his nipple piercings! Oh god, this was embarrassing.

“Uh- okay. Right. So I have piercings?” Bucky looked everywhere but at Klein.

“Oh.” Klein coughed. “Yeah. Well, piercings are pretty small so the detector doesn’t pick them up. They are not that sensitive. Normally. Right. So, Uh- follow me.”

Akwaaaaard.

* * *

While Bucky was sure, that Klein had felt them, the piercings didn’t cause a commotion. So he could breathe a little easier but he also quickly excused himself afterward. Of course, it would have been wiser to ask where he had to go next. Bucky also had no idea how much time he had left, this was becoming a disaster. 

“Barnes!” Bucky startled and turned around and saw Steve Rogers walking towards him with a big smile.

Bucky had mentioned that Rogers’ smile was gorgeous, right? More captivating however was that he cut quite a figure in a suit. He had seen pictures of Rogers in a suit but real life was something else, okay? Damn that man.

“Mr. Rogers! Hey.” Bucky was swamped, he had not expected to run into Rogers today. What should he say? How did one do small talk with Steve Rogers? Not to mention that Bucky was thirsting after this guy. Hardcore thirsting! But he had done that from afar. Without danger of making an ass out of himself. 

“Hey. You’re here for your interview with Bruce, right? Looking good in the suit.” Steve Rogers was complimenting him. To his face!

“Uh-Oh- Thank you. I also brought the blue one, you know. And yes. Here for the interview.” If Bucky could remember where to go for that.

“Yes, the blue one became you. At least as far as I could tell from the pictures.” Rogers said with an easy smile while Bucky’s inside was melting.

“Well, maybe you’ll get to see me wear it if I get the job.” Wow. Okay, that was bold right? Please let Rogers not hate him now.

Rogers laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m rather sure you’ll get it. You had quite a few people putting in a good word for you.”

“Yeah. Okay. Guess I’ll just have to make it on time, then.”

Rogers chuckled while smiling. Bucky was making him do these sounds, so that was good, right? “Stark Tower is kinda big, huh? You know where to go?”

“Uh-?”

Rogers just gave him an amused grin. His eyes were so blue. And they looked so warm. 

“Come on. I’ll take you there,” Rogers turned around and Bucky followed him like a lost duckling.

“So, you are studying engineering, right? Why did you choose to major in that?” Rogers asked while they waited for the elevator. Right. Smalltalk.

“Uh. Well, my father was a mechanic. He owned a garage in Brooklyn and I used to help him out all the time. I really liked it and back then I thought I could join his business when I’m older.” Bucky looked at Steve who had a frown upon his face. The man probably knew that Bucky was an orphan but didn’t want to ask. 

“He became a mechanic in the army. He left when I was still young and we moved back to Brooklyn. But after 9/11…” Bucky’s voice broke a bit, so he decided to leave it at that.

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Rogers said in a soft tune and put a hand on Bucky’s shoulder giving it a little squeeze. Bucky stared at his feet and tried not to lean into the man, Rogers was close enough that Bucky got a small hint of his scent and he wanted more.

“Besides engineering, I’m also majoring in psychology!”, Bucky blurted out. Luckily the elevator arrived and sparred Bucky from this uncomfortable situation. There were already a few people inside, greeting Rogers with a nod. 

Bucky followed Rogers in and stood next to him in a corner. How close was standing to close? But he was still trying to pinpoint how Rogers smelt. Brock’s had been heavy, heady, and overpowering, Bucky had always smelled him from afar. But Rogers’ scent was softer, not that obtrusive, but still, it was captivating. 

“So psychology?” Rogers asked, pulling Bucky out of his musing. Jeez. Well, at least Bucky hadn’t smelled him like a horny dog, right?

“Ah, yes. Psychology,” Bucky said and sortes his thoughts. “I guess, I like to know how it works? I mean the brain. I like to know how the brain works. I mean I kind of specialize in cognitive neuroscience. That’s- you know- Neurons!” Bucky was rambling, what must Rogers think. 

“I mean it’s about- how neural circuits in our brain affect our cognitive activities. I mean- like behavior!” Bucky was now painfully aware of the others in the elevator. How stupid must they think he sounds? How stupid must he sound to Rogers? Buckys eyes flickered up to find that Rogers was smiling down at him.

“Did you know there is a link between psychology and language?”, Bucky blurted out. 

Rogers raised an eyebrow but was still smiling. “This theory about how our language influences our thoughts? Like how the Eskimos and Inuit supposedly have so many words for snow?” 

“Like that. Linguistic relativity. How the structure of our language defines our world view and therefore everything we say is only relative to our spoken language. Lost in translation and all. But then isn’t language also influenced by what we know and see? Like we all know the term blue, yes? And we can translate it. ‘Azul’ in Spanish and ‘blau’ in German…”

“‘Bleu’ in French and ‘gorm’ in Irish. And I think it was something like ‘abi’ in Farsi? Yes, ‘abi’. And it’s ‘azraq’ in Arabic,” Rogers continued one and it made Bucky smile. 

“Yes! But the color spectrum is differently divided in different languages. Take English and Russian. If I said ‘siniy’ for blue, everyone who speaks Russian would know I mean a darker tone of blue. If I talk about a lighter blue there is a completely different word for it: ‘goluboy’. In Russian, there is an obligatory distinction between lighter and darker blue. But if you say blue in English you could mean both.” 

Bucky had no idea how they got to this topic and if they talk made any sense, but at least he had stopped rambling? The elevator opened and Rogers moved out, so Bucky scrambled to follow, glad to leave the other people behind. 

“Natasha had mentioned that you like languages. How many languages do you speak?”, Rogers asked waiting for Bucky to catch up to him.

“Uh? I can speak English and Russian fluently. And I’m really good at Spanish and German, I guess?” 

“You don’t have to sound so uncertain. I think that’s pretty amazing.” Bucky choked a bit. Compliments! To his face! 

Rogers went on.“Most people here only speak English. And maybe half-heartedly learned another language in school. I mean I learned french in school, but my friend Jacques always tells me I have a horrible accent. And I know some Irish because my mother spoke it.” 

“Uh, yeah. Well, I only learned Russian because of, you know, life? I wanted to understand what everyone around me was saying. And German and Spanish were also mostly from school.” 

“Yes, but you put real effort into learning them, right?” Rogers flashed him a smile, that made Bucky’s stomach flop. He was on his way to a job interview, damn it, he should get his shit together. 

“Guess so?” Also, it was nice to talk to people in other languages? Speaking German was what he and Lehnsherr had bonded over and that had ultimately saved his life. 

“See. I think that’s damn impressive. Natasha said you speak Russian like it’s your mother tongue. I think you can be proud of what you achieved.” 

“Uh…” Bucky was bad at handling compliments, okay? Especially compliments coming from Rogers because they made him smile and feel light-headed. 

“For the record. I think that studying two majors, who are rather different from each other, is impressive as well. That’s how you meet Vision, right? Engineering and psychology are his topics. And Tony’s and Bruce’s as well. I suppose you’ll fit right in.” 

“If- If you say so. I’m not sure how much help I will be with my studies. I mean Dr. Banner’s field is biochemistry, right? And- uh- Forget what I just said. I’m stupid.” Rogers had come to a halt. Bucky nearly walked into him. 

“I don’t think you are stupid. And just because Bruce did study biochemistry doesn’t mean he does nothing else. Who knows what Tony and he are up to at the moment.” There was a wry grin on Rogers’ face, Bucky wanted to kiss it. 

“And Bruce also studied Nuclear physics, by the way. He just likes to forget about it most of the time. I mean, it got him in a lot of trouble and that’s all I’m going to say about it,” Rogers looked down the floor. “Now, you see that door over there? That’s Bruce’s office. Just knock and wait for permission to enter, okay?” 

Oh right, the interview. Way to get sidetracked, Barnes! “Thank you. I mean- Thank you for showing me the way, that was really helpful. So thank you!” Bucky nearly bowed.

Again Rogers smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, Bucky felt fluttery. “No matter what you have heard about Bruce, he is a big softie at heart, okay? And although I don’t think you’ll need it, I wish you good luck. Go on!” He pushed Bucky gently towards the door. 

When Bucky stood in front of it he turned around one last time. Rogers was still standing there, now moving his hand telling Bucky to go on. Because Rogers wasn’t just incredibly hot, he was already really kind. Bucky felt like his stomach was in knots. 

He needed to get a hold of himself! He was here for a job interview and not to thirst about an older man. Giving Rogers a little wave he turned around and knocked. 

* * *

The meeting had started somewhat awkwardly. A bit tense. Bucky got the impression that Dr. Banner was rather shy and didn’t really know how to deal with Bucky. That actually made Bucky relax a bit because he pretty much felt the same. Now they were sitting across from each other at a table, having stumbled their way through introduction and the first small talk. 

“Righ. So, as you know Vision is going to Wakanda in July. And he thought you would be a good substitute for him. Oh! You know this isn’t a full-time job, right? I mean, even in the summer Vision doesn’t spend that much time here.” Dr. Banner looked at him a little panicked as if he was afraid of giving Bucky bad news.

“Yes. Vision told me. He said something about two days a week. I will do some summer classes on the side.”

“Oh.”, Dr. Banner looked relieved and intrigued. “You know what you want to do? We can schedule around your classes. You could even come half a day before or after your classes.”

Bucky blinked. “I- I hadn’t been sure which days I would be free, so I haven’t decided. That’s a really generous offer, uh, thank you.”

Dr. Banner smiled and seemed more relaxed as well. “It’s of no real consequence to me, so...” and he shrugged unsurely. It was such a weird thing to see a grown-up shrug. But it made Dr. Banner likable for Bucky and he relaxed further.

Only to nearly jump out of his seat when the door suddenly banged open. “Brucey-Bear!”

Bucky looked wide-eyed at Dr. Banner who was facepalming and let out an irritated “Tony!”

Because there was Tony Stark, standing in the doorway, having walked into Bucky’s job interview like it was the most normal thing to do. Dark pinstripe suit, white shirt, golden tie, and pocket square. Looking confident with a hand in his pocket.

Without a care in the world, Mr. Stark moved toward them and sat down beside Dr. Banner. “So Barnaby.” Barnaby?! 

Mr. Stark leaned forward. “You want to work for my dear science bro here? Although he is a convicted criminal?” Dr. Banner sputtered and so did Bucky. What the hell? 

“Eh? Well, he seems to be on friendly terms with quite a few people I know. And I think I trust them more than some story clouded in secrecy.” 

“Hmm. Is that so? Well then.” Mr. Stark leaned back, suddenly looking less aggressive and turning to Dr. Banner. “You like him Brucy?”

“He was only in my office for like a minute before you barged in!”, Dr. Banner said looking long-suffering.

“You are not telling me you want him out of your office. Which means you do not mind him being here. Which means you think you can work together. Which means he has the job!” And Mr. Stark turned back to Bucky. “So you’ve known Vision for a year now, right?” 

What? “Yes?”

“And yet I have never been officially introduced to you! I’m Tony Stark by the way, not that I really require an introduction. But Pepper says it’s polite. Anyway, has Vision never invited you over, or did you always decline?”

“Uh?” Bucky felt like a deer caught in the headlight. 

“Aha, he never invited you over! My Vision finally made a friend and yet he never brings him over. My heart can’t take it!” 

Bucky just made another noise, totally overwhelmed.

“Well, back to the other topic. You’ve got anything else planned for the summer? Or do you want to turn this into a full-time internship?”

“What? Tony! All the internships were already assigned last year.” Dr. Banner cut in. 

“True that. However, the kid bested cancer. Fully healed! And I did promise him an internship with me if he would manage that before summer. So I already have to bend the rules anyway.” Stark looked like a proud dad. But just who was the kid? As far as Bucky knew, Stark didn’t have any children of his own. 

“Also, if Vision doesn’t invite his friend over then I’ll have to do it for him. So Barney?” 

Bucky just looked at him dumbfounded. 

“You want it? Good! My people will contact your people. Well just you, I guess. And then we will see each other in June, at the latest! And now I must be off because I had a meeting 10 minutes ago and Pepper is probably going to kill me. Bye!” 

And then he was gone.

“What the fuck just happened!” Bucky only realized he had said that out loud because Dr. Banner had started to laugh. “Oh! Sorry, that just slipped out!”

“It’s okay. Tony can be pretty overwhelming. I do remember meeting him for the first time, I didn’t understand what was going on either. You want some green tea to calm down? We can talk about the details for the internship over it?”

Safe to say, that the awkward tension from the beginning was gone after that.

* * *

Bucky was still trying to wrap his head around what had happened when he returned home. Of course, his roommates were already waiting, hungry for information. 

“You have the job, right?” “How did it go, Bucky!”

“Uh, hello to you too? Fine I guess?”

“So you have it?”

“Yeah, I guess so?”

“You guess? Nonsense James, you have it. Ready to go shopping again?” 

“Yeah, riiiiight. We really have to, because I need more suits than anticipated?”

“Oh, why’s that?”

Bucky looked at Nat with wide eyes. “Bloody hell, Nat! Tony Stark should come with a warning. Like- An alarm bell should go off when he is within 5 minutes reach or something!” 

“Wait, you ran into Stark?”

“More like he ran into me, or rather my interview. And he kind of offered me a full-time internship?”

And that statement was answered with a lot of questions and excitement. Bucky needed a while to explain everything, even more so because they heckled him with further questions. He loved them. Dearly! But sometimes it was like living with hyenas.

Finally, after he declared he wouldn’t say anything else until he had dinner - because he was hungry damn it- it cooled down a bit. Now with a full stomach, they were huddling on the couch and talking about work-appropriate clothing. 

“Can’t I wear a shirt under the jacket or something? I don’t want to buy that many dress shirts. Ironing them already gives me nightmares.” 

“Well, I suppose if they are of good quality and without motives. Stark my get away with it, but an intern won’t. Then again you are just an intern so…”, Natasha mused.

“Maybe you should look first what the others are wearing? That’s what I always do. You can go shopping in June again.”, Kate added. Because she was brilliant! 

“That would be a good idea! That way I won’t spend that much money in one go.”

Bucky’s phone vibrated. It was Vision.

> Vis:
> 
> _I heard Mr. Stark invaded your interview. I’m sorry, I had no idea he would do that._
> 
> _I also would like to apologize for not inviting you over. I had not realized that was the thing to do._
> 
> _I don’t want you to misunderstand. It has nothing to do with me not wanting you over._
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _Calm down, Vis. It's okay. I never invited you over either, did I?_
> 
> _But we do have a no-guest rule at the apartment._

Which was true. This apartment was their safe space. While Nat maybe didn’t need it, Kate and Bucky very much did. And so he never had to worry about strangers in his home. He really preferred it that way.

The only guests they had, were the twins. And as they were honorary little siblings, they didn’t count either. They were also the main reason for their pull-out couch.

> Vis:
> 
> _That is okay. Even so, I would like to invite you over. But I do not know when you are free?_
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _In the evenings and on the weekend. Whenever you want._

Since these times he had spent at the Crossbones before. All the free time he suddenly had…

> Vis:
> 
> _Then I’ll ask Miss Potts if she could make time for dinner. So you can meet her as well._

“So apparently I’m going to meet Mr. Stark again sooner rather than later?”

“Oh? How come?”

“Vision just invited me over for dinner. And he plans on Pepper Potts being there as well.”

“Oh? Well good for you, she is the only one that can make Stark behave.”

“One can do that?”

“Only Miss Potts as far as I know. And Colonel Rhodes, if he is around.”

“Who?”

“Friend of Stark since MIT. With the Air Force now, I think? A pilot anyway. Don’t know much about him. But I worked with Miss Potts before, I had an internship with Stark Industries legal department in 2010, remember? It was right after we graduated and when she became CEO.”

“Yeah, right...”

Yes, Bucky did remember. Vaguely. But that summer had been so different for them. Nat had done the internship, thought about her career, and started studying in the fall. 

But Bucky? Bucky had moved in with Alexis in Brighton Beach. Worked as a waiter in a shady bar. Had started doing drugs for real. And came fall he had _gone away_. The wrong people, the wrong places, and doing the wrong things. Lurkin’s face flashed through his mind and Bucky felt his skin crawl and his left shoulder itch.

Bucky stood up a bit abruptly. “I think I’ll go take a shower now and get out of this suit.”

“Awww. But you look so nice!”, Kate teased him. Bucky forced himself to give her a playful grin but quickly left for the bathroom.

Inside the shower, which was probably too hot, he scrubbed himself, probably too hard. Although he knew it would not help with the dirty feeling. Bucky looked at his left shoulder. Looked at the scar he had created. But he could still see it, that star-shaped form he had wanted to get rid of. Still wanted to get rid of. Even if the problem lay way deeper. 

He had been so stupid. So starved for affection and love, that Lukin just had to say a few magic words, and Bucky had been done for. So naive, so dumb and so worthless. Why did he listen to that man? Why did he believe him? He was so angry with his stupid younger self.

Why could he not just have been normal? If he had been into girls, maybe he and Melina could have had a future. Maybe it could have been his way out. Instead, she had just been the lie he tried to tell himself after Vasily died.

Why had there never been one fucking person, that told him it didn’t make him abnormal! Why was Professor Xavier the first to do so when Bucky had already been nearly 20? Why did he ever have to meet Aleksander Lukin and believe every tale the man told him. All the lies and false promises.

Why had von Strucker gotten custody over him? That man had more or less pushed him into Lukin’s way! Had he been with Clint, maybe he would have been safe.

Why did Vasily have to die? And rationally Bucky knew, that Vasily Karpov hadn’t been a good guy, that what he had done was wrong. But it had been so much less hurtful than what came after.

Why did his grandmother have to die? Because she had been working herself to the ground to keep them both fed and warm. There had been no insurance when she got ill, no money for the treatments that would have saved her. And had she not died, he would never have ended in that foster home. He couldn’t imagine a life without Nat and Clint. But maybe he would have been safe. 

Why had that fucking drunk driver have to kill his mother? Making Bucky a fucking orphan. He would still have a family. He would still have his baby sister. Little sweet Becca. He could only hope, that she had been adopted by nice people. With her big smile and huge eyes. She was still that barely five-year-old girl with pigtails in his mind that in reality had already passed her sweet sixteen.

Bucky sobbed as he remembered his father. His father who had been larger than life, whom he had helped fix cars in the garage after he left the military. That big man with his frown lines that still could smile so warmly. Maybe, if 9/11 never happened, and his father never went to Iraq to never return. Maybe then he would still live in their old house. Home, where he had been safe and loved.

Instead, he was sitting in a bathtub, alone, crying, and hugging himself. 

He wanted his papa. He wanted his mommy. He wanted grannie and his little sister in his lap calling him Bucky. She was the first to ever call him that and it would always be a reminder of her. Even if it was all that remained next to memories. Sometimes he would think he gets a whiff of his mom's perfume or his granny's cooking. And sometimes he wasn’t even sure if they ever really existed. 

What he would give to just have one photo of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ups?  
> Scream at me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) ?


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky got confronted with Tony Stark again, however, this time he was prepared. As prepared as one can be at least.
> 
> He also decided to make use of Nat’s birthday present, but that didn’t quite work out as expected. 
> 
> Also Dr. Strange continued to live up to his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for taking some time. Lockdown eased up and I got swamped in work.  
> Also, there is no Steve in this one. Sorry! He'll be back next time.

* * *

By next Thursday Bucky headed to Stark Tower again, as Vision had set a timer for dinner. This time he used a more private entrance and took an elevator all the way up to the penthouse. 

He was greeted by Vision, who was wearing a red v-neck sweater over his white shirt. At least he wasn’t wearing a tire, which meant this was informal wear by Vision standards. 

Bucky had stressed about what to wear, okay? He ended up wearing his best black skinny jeans. Best in the way that they weren’t yet ripped or washed out. Nat had wanted him to wear one of his new blue shirts, but Bucky had refused. So they had settled on a thin gray pullover. It was pretty much the brightest thing Bucky owned. Nat of course still lamented the lack of color.

“Hey, come on in. Ms. Potts and Mr. Stark are preparing dinner.” As in they were making it themself, or what?

“Sounds good. I brought wine?” Bucky offered the bottle Nat had chosen for him. Some dry red wine, that was probably not anywhere near their usual stuff. He didn’t have their budget after all. But one didn’t come empty-handed anyway, right?

“The obligatory present. “, Vision nodded in understanding. 

Bucky’s eyebrow twitched “More or less.” One doesn’t speak it out loud Vision, for god’s sake! 

“Buckerino!” Bucky had accepted the fate of Mr. Stark butchering his name. So he just smiled at the man. “Hello, Mr. Stark. Thank you for having me.” 

“Oh, I am more than delighted. It’s the first time Vision brought somebody home!” It was interesting to see that even Vision could put on a longsuffering face thanks to Tony Stark. 

“Anyway! What do you want to drink? Martini? Campari? Aperol?” Nice to know, that Mr. Stark had his priorities straight, Bucky was barely through the door. 

“Something sweet?” Mr. Stark pulled a face but still made him a sweet Martini.

As soon as the glass was in his hand, Mr. Stark started showing him around. He tried to not think about how expensive the blue vase to his left or the marble statue on the counter was. As long as he didn’t destroy anything, he would be fine. Meanwhile, Mr. Stark kept on talking. Bucky tried to listen. He did! Everything was just pretty overwhelming. 

“Tony! Take a breath for a moment, will you?” Bucky had of course seen pictures of Ms. Potts, but in person was always something else. She was stunning. Her stylish light business attire and red hair framing her face made an impressive appearance. Also, she had just made Stark shut up. Impressive woman.

Mr. Stark grabbed his arm and pulled him towards her. The man opened his mouth but closed it again and turned to Vision. “Since I already had to introduce myself, why don’t you introduce your friend to Pepper, Vision.”

Miss Potts gave another indicated “Tony!” while Vision looked as uncertain as Bucky felt. “Ms. Potts this is my friend, James Barnes, although he goes by Bucky. Bucky this is Virginia Potts.” 

Bucky reached out with his right arm, which kindly made Mr. Stark let go of him, to shake her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Ms. Potts. My friend Natalia Romanov spoke very highly of you.” More like pure adoration, but he wasn’t going to say that.

“Oh, you know Miss Romanov?”

“She is my foster sister.”

“Wait, you’re one of Barton’s brats?”, Mr. Stark said then.

“Well, I guess so?” 

“As they say, the world is small after all.”

Then the small talk started, as they sat down at the table and ate their antipasti. They asked where he grew up but steered away from questions about his family. What hobbies did he have, what did he study engineering? Why psychology? How did he meet Vision exactly and so on and so on. 

With him talking all the time he had to hasten to eat something in between. He also learned that Italian cuisine had a meal structure and they had just started, so by the time they had reached the panna cotta Bucky was stated. And also a bit tipsy, since his wine glass was always refilled. 

Thankfully the topic had changed away from the interrogation of Bucky Barnes. Smalltalk or rather talking to people he didn’t know was exhausting. He drank the expresso he was handed, in the hope, it would give him some energy. However, the limoncello he got next was more to his liking.

With the drinks in their hands, they moved to the sitting area. Or a sitting area at least. This place was so big it probably had more than just one. This sitting area was closer to the windows, which of course reached from the floor up to the ceiling. As it was dark now, Bucky could see all the lights of the city. It was after all never dark in the city that never slept. 

“Enjoying the view? Want to step outside?” Mr. Stark offered behind him. Bucky gladly accepted and followed him.

“For god’s sake, don’t just walk out there! Go get your jackets!” Ms. Potts stopped them. 

It was pretty windy and chilly outside, so wearing jackets was probably for the best.

But as there was no cloud in the sky and it also wasn’t foggy. One could actually see pretty far. All the lights and buildings. But of course in front of him was Central park, with all the lighted pathways and lakes.

“Go on, take a picture. It lasts longer!”, Mr. Stark grinned at him. 

Bucky just laughed at that and pulled out his old phone. “Not so sure, if that would work out so well.”

“What is that!” Stark looked at the phone like it was a personal affront to him. It was something he would not let go of for the rest of the evening. Even though Ms. Potts tried to stop him. But then again Bucky would also much rather have a StarkPhone or something, he just didn’t have the money. He even still used prepaid! 

When he returned home he fell into bed like a stone. One could only stomach so much Tony Stark at a time.

* * *

Since Bucky was used to spending most of the time working, he now had a huge amount of free time, time he spent alone in the apartment with nothing to do. He binge-watched all the shows and films he had missed, but even that got boring with time. Bucky also started cooking meals for all of them, much to the girl’s delight. 

However, one could only spend so much time alone in the apartment without getting ideas. The walls were thin, with his roommates being the biggest threat to privacy, but now the girls often weren’t there. It was still a sour of the moment thing when Bucky decided to try out Nat’s birthday gift, a prostate stimulator. 

He wasn’t sure if she had given it to him to see his mortified face, or if had been another knock against Brock. Then again one didn’t exclude the other. What Nat didn’t know, was that Bucky wasn’t really great at masturbation. Which was pretty embarrassing if you asked him and he would frankly rather not talk about it. 

It wasn’t like he was physically incapable of it or something, he just wasn’t capable of letting go. Because his brain was an asshole and wanking was not enough pleasure to block his stupid brain out until he gave up frustrated. That didn’t happen if someone else did it for him doing it for him, or at least was there. It was just easier for some reason. Hence why he had let Brock fuck him. 

But Brock was in the past and Bucky wasn’t one to go into a bar and his inside froze just thinking about Grindr or something. Didn’t change the fact that little him sometimes he was horny, which was perfectly natural of course, he knew that, but still. 

And he was horny now as he with a bit of curiosity retrieved the simulator from under his bed. It wasn’t wanking, right? Maybe prostate stimulation could work, and with nothing else to do it seemed like a perfectly reasonable choice.

Taking a long warm shower to help himself relax, Bucky crawled into his bed with a towel. He’d rather be able to clean this easily and without attracting attention to his little activity, and he knew that prostate stimulation would make him leak precum like crazy. People had laughed about it in the past. 

Taking a shuddering breath, Bucky spread the lube on his fingers and started massaging his rim, slipping inside and vibrating with excitement. He liked sensation there, loved being full and that was fine. That was fine, there was nothing wrong with that. He just needed to relax and enjoy it. No one was here to humiliate him. 

Sadly his fingers didn’t really reach that spot inside that drove him wild, but that was why he had a prostate stimulator now. Pushing the toy inside and then wiggled around for a good position, he settled on his back with his feet pushing into the mattress. Even if that meant his knees tangled in the clothes hanging from above.

The first wave of pleasure coming from his prostate had him squeak in surprise and then shudder. Oh. Oh! Muffling himself with a hand, as his room was right next to the staircase, he wiggled around, getting used to the sensation. 

Letting the pleasure run through his body he relaxed, focusing on enjoying the experience. Even if he would not manage to come this would be worth it, but it was so much more intense than wanking that Bucky was nearly sure he would manage to come without even touching his dick at all.

Untangling his other hand from the bedsheet he started playing with his nipples as a steady amount of precum leaked into the towel below. It was embarrassing, but at least no one was here to see it. Or even worse, comment on it. 

Letting out a shuddering breath Bucky directed his thoughts back on the pleasure, twisting his nipple but stayed away from his dick. It was like a fire had lit up within him, rolling through his body as a wave of pleasure, making him shiver and moan. 

Edging closer to the end, Bucky twisted his nipples harder until he was right there at the point right before coming. Finally moving his hand further down he stoked himself once, choking on the intense pleasure and then hastily biting into his hand to stop himself from screaming as he started coming. And the sensation didn’t stop, leaving him trembling on the bed, eyes rolling back and brain going quiet. 

Finally, the overstimulation becoming too much Bucky managed to get his brain back together enough to pull the toy out. Dazed he lay in his bed, slowly coming back to his senses, as it felt like his mind was cushioned in cotton. Blinking he laid there a moment longer, blown away by the pleasure he had just experienced. Holy hell.

But then he started to feel cold, laying on the soaked towel, and shivered. Slowly he sat up and realized what a mess he had made. The towel was truly drenched and white pearls of semen ran down his chest, there was even cum on his face. Shivering some more, he blinked and slowly turned around, and, yes there was semen on the wall and also in the clothes hanging down from above him. “Great.” 

Hysterical laughter bubbled out of his chest, which slowly turned into little sobs. Hugging himself didn’t really help so he stood up to clean the mess he had created. Bucky’s legs were quivering and he ended up on the floor. Tears welled up in his eyes, this had been so good, but now he felt like he had shattered into pieces and there was no one there to pick them up. 

Bucky couldn’t even hide in his bed, because he had made a fucking mess out of it. What a shitshow. At least he did come. It was something, right? Frustrated he stood up and decided to take another shower first. That would warm him up at least. 

His favorite sweats and hoodie had survived the attack, but even they didn’t help against the sudden feeling of emptiness that had overtaken the frustration. Sighing he cleaned the wall, stripped the bed, grabbed his dorty clothes, and went into the basement to wash them.

Back upstairs he sat down on the couch and wrapped himself in a blanket. It was the closest thing to a hug he would get. Absymentily he watched TV and fell asleep until his laundry timer went off. 

Like a zombie, he went downstairs, hung up his things, and moved upstairs again. This was why he didn’t masturbate! Seemingly he either didn’t even manage to orgasm, or he did and it was so intense he was a mess afterward. What even was his life? He was such a loser. 

In the kitchen, he opened the cabinets, hoping to find something sweet. But he only found a back of Doritos. Not that there was anything wrong with Doritos, but he wanted something sweet! Bucky closed the cabinet loudly and just stood there in the kitchen. 

Okay. No. He grabbed his jacket and left a quick note on the table. Then he took his bike to Clint’s house.

When he arrived, he was already aware it was a stupid idea. Phil und Lia should already be in bed, Clint was working and there was a good chance that Laura was also already in bed as well. What would he do? Wake her up?  _ Excuse me can I have a hug because I wrecked my brain with an orgasm?  _ Yeah. Right. 

But since he was here now anywhere, he used his key for the basement entrance. After all, this house also had Lucky, who was coming down the stairs to greet him happily. Sometimes one just needed to hug a dog. And get slobbery dog kisses. Can’t forget those. 

“Bucky?” Wanda stood at the bottom of the stairs and for a moment Bucky just stared at her until he realized that the twins had to be on babysitting duty. 

“Hey, Wanda.” 

She frowned at him because his voice sounded off even to his ears. “Are you okay?”

He shrugged and hid his face in Lucky’s fur. Bucky didn’t want to lie, they had a rule about not lying, but he also didn’t want to admit he felt like shit, or why he felt like shit.

“You want to come upstairs? There is still room on the couch.”

Bucky stood up, evading Lucky who was jumping around his legs. Wanda had her arms outstretched and he stepped into the hug with relief. Wanda was awesome, she was his favorite person in the world right now. 

Dear God, he had reached a new level of pathetic. Here he was on a Friday night, relying on a 16-year-old-girl, his little sister, for comfort because he shattered his brain with an orgasm. 

Bucky huffed a laugh and let go of Wanda. “Please tell me there is something sweet in this house. I really need something sweet right now.”

Wanda looked at him a bit strange, but nodded and went upstairs. He followed her up, but while she went into the kitchen he entered the living room. Pietro had his head on the back of the couch, looked at him, and patted the space next to him. “Hey man. Come here. Sit down.” 

Throwing his jacket over one of the dining chairs, Bucky grabbed a nearby blanket and snuggled into it on the couch. He leaned closer to Pietro, who was thankfully leaning back until their shoulders touched. Pietro had a controller in his hand and a game was paused on the screen. 

“Here,” Wanda sat down next to him handing him a bowl full of candy and a coke, then she wiggled under the blanket next to him and leaned her head on his shoulder. A rush of affection overcame him and he nearly started crying. He was the big brother here, he shouldn’t cry.

Lucky came closer as well, putting his head into Bucky’s lap, eyes looking up hopefully. Smiling slightly Bucky started petting him again. 

“So, Piet, what are you playing?” Bucky found a peanut buttercup and ate it. 

“Guardians of the Galaxy. It’s a jump n’ run. You wanna try?” 

“Nah. Let me watch first. Have to eat all the sweets,” If it had been a good idea to take a sip from the coke with peanut butter still in his mouth was debatable.

That night Bucky slept in the guest bedroom in the basement of Clint’s house and woke up to help Laura in the kitchen. The children were delighted to see him, so delighted that they didn’t want to leave for kindergarten with Laura. Bucky had to strap them in, so they were in the car and couldn’t run away. 

“You know, sometimes I think you are their favorite,” Clint huffed as they waved from the front door. 

“Sorry, not Sorry?” Bucky thought that it was probably because the kids saw him least of all.

“Brat. Come in. You want another coffee?” 

Following Clint back inside, Bucky sat down next to him on the bar stools in the kitchen, with a steaming mug of coffee. Maybe one shouldn’t call it coffee but syrup. More sugar and milk with a dash of caffeine.

Next to him, Clint sat slightly leaning back, with one leg on another stool. There was a band-aid on his left index finger and a blue bruise on the elbow. Typical Clint. Bucky stirred his syrup, collecting his thoughts. 

Because Clint was asking without asking if or what was up. The man was still in pajamas and his eyes were closed and should probably still be in bed since Bucky had no idea when exactly Clint had come home in the night. He probably had only gotten a couple hours of sleep, wasn’t even wearing his hearing aids which told Bucky he ready to go straight back to bed. 

Bucky shifted on the stool facing Clint so that the other man would be able to read his lips. The movement made Clint open his eyes, and even though Bucky didn’t meet them it would be enough. He stirred his drink again.

“It’s strange being in the apartment alone. I was always the one who was… not there. But now. Yesterday it was just… lonely, I guess.” This wasn’t technically a lie. It was lonely. And he had been lonely and in need of a hug. He also wasn’t telling everything, of course. But he wasn’t going to talk with Clint about masturbating and shattering his brain in the process. Just nope.

“Well, that’s why you have a key. That way you can always come over.” Clint said, closing his eyes again. To make sure the man didn’t fall asleep on the stool and fell down, Bucky finished his coffee in record time and left the house even if Clint protested. The man needed to go back to bed and Bucky was fine now.

* * *

Suddenly Wanda started sending him recipes all the time and also always told him when the twins were on babysitting duty. Talking him into trying all the recipes out. 

Somehow he also ended up running with Pietro. However just once. The kid was just too good nowadays and still hadn’t learned any patience. Moreover, it meant standing up way too early.

Kate was a better running partner, even if that meant joining a gym. And Nat bullied him into yoga and pilates whenever she found the time. 

To summarise: Clint was a snitch.

At least Clint also made time, getting Bucky back into some martial arts, or else buck-passing would have gotten a whole new meaning. Clint even asked him to help him with the new trainees in a few weeks, in exchange Bucky would be allowed on SHIELD’s shooting range. Bucky was game pretty quickly.

Admittingly he was actively trying to avoid being alone in the apartment, so none of them had it hard to make him agree to things. He often willingly visited libraries or spent time at Dr. Strange’s office, as his tiny bedroom wasn’t necessarily the best place to study. As finals were just around the corner it would be good for his studies, Bucky supposed.

“Okay, Barnes. Slowly I’m starting to feel concerned about this.” Bucky startled and looked away from the monitor to Dr. Strange standing next to him.

“Huh?”

“It’s Friday evening and you are still here. Again!”

Bucky looked at the clock. After 8 pm now, which meant he had been free to go for some hours. 

“Oh. I was reading?” Dr. Strange’s office computer was better than Bucky’s old laptop.

Dr. Strange raised his eyebrows. “You are a 22-years-old student. And it’s Friday. Don’t you have something better to do than sit here and read? I’m sure there is more than one party going on today.”

“Uhm, my roommates are both working? And Vis is away for the weekend?” But thinking about taking Vis to a frat party was kind of hilarious. Not that Bucky would ever want to go to one himself. 

“Are you telling me, you have three friends?”

“Well, the twins are only 16? Are you asking me to take minors drinking?”

“No. I’m telling you that you need more friends. Sitting here alone on a Friday evening is just sad.”

Bucky scowled because that was just mean. “What business is it to you, Dr. Srange? If you want me to leave just say so.” Bucky turned away from Dr. Strange and shut down the computer. 

Dr. Strange stood there silently until Bucky stood up and grabbed his bag. “Have you ever thought about joining a club or something? I mean now that you have more free time.” His tone had changed. It was softer. Pacifying.

Bucky sighed. “I joined a gym already. I could go there now, I have my sportswear with me anyway.” He had it with him always now, just in case Kate asked if they wanted to go. 

Dr. Strange nodded, but then there was silence again as Dr. Strange looked at him considering. It made Bucky uncomfortable. “Well, I better get going.”

However, Dr. Strange stood in his way and made no sign of moving. Bucky tried to move around him but Dr. Strange stopped him again. “I have material arts training this evening, do you want to tag along?” 

“Huh?”

“Only if you want to, of course.”

Flabbergasted by Dr. Strange being somewhat considerate, Bucky ended up following him.

“The Defenders?” Bucky said incredulously as they stood in front of an industrial building in Hell’s Kitchen.

“It specializes in self-defense. Come on.” 

So now he stood in a changing room with Dr. Strange. Bucky sent a quick text to Nat and Kate about his whereabouts and then used the toilet to remove his piercings and change clothes.

Bucky entered the hall with hesitation. There was a fight going on in the boxing ring. A big black man was punching, while a smaller man skilfully evaded him. Strength against agility. 

“Come here, Barnes.” And Dr. Strange started introducing him. There was Jessica Jones, who had just opened a private investigation firm. Then there was Luke Cage, a bar owner, who had been fighting Matt Murdock, a lawyer here in Hell’s Kitchen. 

Then Bucky realized that Murdock was blind. “Wait. Just how do you fight?” he blurted out before catching himself. “Sorry! That was rude. I’m so sorry.”

But there was only a round of laughter and a sheepish smile from Murdock. “Well, if you lose one sense your other heightens, you know? I can hear exceptionally well and feel vibrations and items.”

“Well, there a blind man who can surf waves. Nothing really surprises me anymore.” Jessica Jones muttered but affectionately started ruffling Murdock’s hair. 

“Well. I have a friend who is the opposite. He is hard of hearing but has outstanding eyesight. We call him Hawkeye when we want to tease him. So you are what? Batear? Batman?”

The others laughed, while Murdock tried to explain that he wasn’t really like a bat.

“We call him Daredevil actually. The man without fear.”, said a new voice from behind him. “Hey. I’m Danny Rand.”

“Rand? As in Rand enterprises? Oh. And I’m Bucky Barnes.” Bucky said while shaking hands. 

“Yes, Although I have nothing really to do with them since the board kicked me off. Too much about morality. Profit hungry Sharks I tell you, all of them. But now I have this little studio here. And if we are talking about nicknames, I’m Iron Fist.” Rand said with a big grin while flexing his arm. Bucky couldn’t help admiring the muscles and veins. He also had blond hair and blue eyes, Bucky noticed amused. Nonetheless, he was too young for Bucky’s taste.

The rest of the group however just groaned. “You are as bad as Quill with his Star-Lord thing. Nobody is ever going to call you by that stupid nickname.” Jones said with a groan. “Talking about Quill, has anybody heard from him? I want to know when he visits again. Or more importantly when will Mora?”

“Last I heard they were still in California”, Dr. Strange said.

Jones groaned again. “Great. That means I’m still stuck with you. Where is Colleen, Danny?” 

“Out with her friends from the Chikara dojo.” 

“You’re telling me she is drinking without me? That traitor!”

“How about you Barnes? Do you have any martial arts training?”, Murdock asked him, while Jones kept on ranting.

“Uh. Yes. I learned some when I was a teenager. Not sure how much that is worth anymore.” 

“Would you show me some? I’m a blind man after all, what danger could I be?” That was faux innocent at it’s finest, Bucky had seen him move when he entered.

Shortly afterward he got his ass kicked by the blind man. It was very fascinating, even as Murdock tried in vain to explain how he saw the world.

All in all, it was great fun. Although this clearly was more a meet up between friends than any training. Rand offhandedly said that the last training on Fridays ended before 9 pm, so right before Dr. Strange and he arrived. Rand even invited him back for it. 

“I would like to, but I don’t have the money for two gyms.” Bucky declined.

Rand just laughed. “I don’t have this place for money, Barnes. No, this is a place for people to learn how to defend themself. It’s more a hobby than a job. I have enough money to last me lifetimes anyway.”

“Since he owns the building, he saves rent.” Dr. Strange injected.

“And we teach here without payment.”, Jones said while throwing an arm around Rand’s neck. 

“On that note, I have to return to my real job. It’ll be primetime at my bar soon.” Cage gave his goodbye.

“I drink at your bar. So you still see money from me, Power Man!”, Rand called after him, but Cage just shot him an unimpressed look before he was gone. 

“Anyway. Don’t worry about money with me, Barnes. If it’s for a good cause I like to spend it. And this place is a good case.” Rand turned to him again with a smile.

“And since we don’t even want payment, he isn’t dubbing us either,” Jones said as she let go of Rand. “We actually see enough of his money anyway. He helps us with work, you know.” 

“Yes, because Mother Teresa here likes to take pro bono cases and barely makes any money.” Rand grinned and ruffled Murdock’s hair. “Have you heard how he tore down Wilson Fisk last year?”

“Yeah. The scandal with Union something, right?”

“Union Allied Construction, yes. Guy deserved it.”, Murdock said with conviction. 

“Beware of divine justice. And Matt’s bleeding heart.” Jones also ruffled Murdock’s hair. 

“Stop it you two. I’m not your pet.” Murdock scowled and moved away. “If you are ever in trouble, Barnes, our law firm is Nelson and Murdock. Just give us a call. Or come over and eat something. Our clients like to pay us in food and the like.” 

Eventually, they all said their goodbye, and Bucky followed Dr. Strange out. “What’s your verdict, Barnes?”

“Well, they seem like really nice people?” But the world wasn’t built like that. 

Dr. Strange laughed at that. “Believe it or not, but they actually are good people.”

“They seem pretty close. How did you end up here?”

“I was here first, before them I mean. You know, after the car crash I wasn’t in a good state of mind. I was angry at the world and didn’t know what to do with myself. I would go drinking and I mean really drinking. So that I would stumble utterly pissed through dark alleys and get robbed. It was then that I met Mordo, as he chased them off. He took me to this little studio. Mystic Arts it was called back then.”

Strange huffed. “And I met that annoying woman who owned the studio. Mostly she taught Tai Chi. She had terminal cancer, you know, but she didn’t let it face her. Zen-like attitude and she constantly challenged my worldview. She was the one who got me on the path to teach dunderheads about neuroscience.” 

Strange smiled a bit ruefully. “After she passed I didn’t want this place to go to waste, so I contacted Rand. He took the place and called it the Defenders. She would approve, I think. ‘Mystic Arts’ was laying it on thick, don’t you think?” 

“Well, it was catchy for sure. But I like that it is about self-defense.”

Dr. Strange nodded and their ways parted. “Then make sure to show up again. And also, if we are not at work you can call me Stephen. See you next week, Barnes.”

“It’s Bucky then!”, he called after him.

Did he just become friends with his Professor? How  _ strange _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/)? I promise I'm nice 🙂🙃


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint had asked Bucky if he wanted to help with the newbies, so now he was Clint’s punching bag for the weekend. But hey, Bucky would be allowed to go to the shooting range in exchange. So: Worth it. 
> 
> But why did nobody tell him that Rogers would be there?!

“Okay, man. Are you ready?”, Clint asked with a grin. 

“As ready as I’ll ever be.” Bucky shot back, as he followed the man through Stark Tower. 

It was the last day of May, a Saturday, and while his internship with Dr. Banner would only start on Monday, he got roped into helping Clint with the newbies. But in exchange he would be allowed to play with guns tomorrow, so: Worth it.

Training took place inside Stark Tower. Because of course, that building had a training hall and apparently also a shooting range. Why was Bucky even surprised?

The newbies were already present, but Bucky didn’t know anybody. But then he saw curly hair and Klein smiling at him awkwardly. Glad he at least had removed his nipple piercings before this Bucky smiled back. One doesn’t have to make this more awkward than needed, right?

“What’s up everyone!”, Clint called cheerfully. Of course, he was in a good mood, he had the right to torment everybody in this room for the whole weekend. 

Now that Clint had the room’s attention, he introduced himself. “For all of you who don’t know me, I’m Clint Barton and I’ll be your instructor for the weekend.”

Then he pointed at Bucky. “And this is James Barnes. He is not an employee of SHIELD, but I trained him since he was a teenager so he will help me demonstrate. Some of you may see him since he has an internship at Stark Industries.”

Bucky gave a little wave and tried to not break out in anxious sweat in front of a group of strangers. Thankfully Clint caught their attention when he started checking the attendance. 

“Alright. Everybody is present. Any questions to begin with?” 

After a few questions Clint started on the theory part, Bucky didn’t really pay attention. He had heard it too often as Clint had basically preached it into his mind. Also, it wasn’t as important to him, right? 

But his daydreaming was interrupted when the entrance door opened.

“Sorry, we are late! Meeting ran longer than expected.” a black guy said while holding the door open for- Rogers?!

“The boss and his wingman finally grace us with their presence,” Clint grinned at them, “but it’s okay since I think they still have the theory part down.”

“Cut it, Barton! I told you to start without us if the meeting ran late. And since we are the bosses we can’t be late anyway.” Bucky only heard the guy vaguely, he was a bit preoccupied with Rogers.

Fuck shit, that blue-gray shirt showed off these pecs and biceps. Bucky wanted to lick them. Also, was that a tattoo on his arm? It was, wasn’t it? Bucky was pretty sure that it was a tattoo. Sadly the sleeves hid most of it. Wanting to know what the tattoo looked like was like an itch Bucky couldn’t scratch. Urgh.

But there were still the pants to lift his spirit, as they showed off an amazing firm ass. Bucky wanted to bite it. God, stop thirsting Barnes, we are at work here. Bucky took a deep breath and tried to be less of a pervert.

Luckily the practical part started and Bucky’s brain was preoccupied with landing safely while Clint threw him around. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to defend himself.  _ For teaching purposes _ . Bucky wouldn’t normally care but today Rogers was watching and it was a bit  _ not _ impressive.

Bucky preferred it much more when he could go around and watch the others practice, maybe correct them or show a thing or two. It was after all more fun to make others fall than falling himself. 

All the way he tried not to stare at Rogers too much, who was going around correcting stances as well. It showed off his amazing ass, okay?! Bucky was only human and very gay and very very thirsty. Man, he was pathetic. But as long as it was just in his head, he wasn’t harassing Rogers, right? 

“Hey, don’t think we have met yet. I’m Sam Wilson.”, suddenly the other guy stood next to him and extended his hand. 

“Uh, hey, I’m Bucky Barnes. Nice to meet you.”

“Bucky, huh? I could swear Romanov said your name was James.”

“Yeah well. It’s James Buchanan actually, but I go with Bucky. The only person who calls me James is Natalia. So yeah.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only one who calls her Natalia, so there’s that. You all go way back, right? I think Barton mentioned that he knew you since you were teenagers?”

“Yeah, we met at the Red Room Academy where Clint was an instructor. Nat and Clint know each other even longer. I only joined when I was 14 and landed in the same foster home as Nat. It was right next to the Red Room.”

“And now Barton and Romanov are both working for SHIELD. When are you joining the club?”, Wilson asked him with a big grin.

“Oh no! I’m just helping Clint with his instructions this weekend. I’m actually an intern at Stark Industries this summer.”

“Ha, that’s still the same building, so I guess we’ll see each other.” 

“I hope we don’t see each other all that much because that would probably mean I’m in trouble. What about you and Mr. Rogers. You’re here the whole weekend?”

“Steve and I try to be here to greet all the newbies. Make us available, you know? They get to know us, we get to know them.”

“You are the second in command then?”

Wilson laughed. “So to say. Once the firm skyrocketed Steve needed help. As Barton didn’t want the job, Steve instead dragged my ass from Washington to NYC earlier this year. But I’m not complaining. The job’s nice and I moved closer to my mother in Harlem, she was happy. And I’m happy to enjoy her cooking skills. How about you? You’re still studying?”

“Yeah. I’m studying engineering and psychology where I focus on cognitive neuroscience.”

“Oh wow, that sounds really interesting. I worked at a VA in Washington and still do volunteer work here, so I know a bit about the brain.”

“You served?”

“Yes. Air Force. Two tours in Afghanistan.”

“Thank you for your service.”

“Proud to have served.” Wilson smiled.

Bucky looked at the trainees. “Most of them are veterans as well, right?”

“Most yeah, but we are not the military, this is the private sector. There are other laws and ways to handle things. So we have the make some ground rules clear and get a feeling for everyone. And some came straight from college or are in the IT Security or the likes. It’ll be interesting to see how everyone fares with a gun tomorrow.”

“Well, I’m a glorified punching back today and in return, I’ll be allowed to shoot my heart out tomorrow.” 

“You’re a good shot?”

“Wait and see, hm?”, Bucky just grinned back cheekily.

Wilson laughed and lightly shoves his arm. “Alright, white boy. I’ll be highly anticipating tomorrow. But now I better get back to work before Steve calls me out for slacking. We are after all the bosses and have to set a good example.” He said mockingly and went away.

Bucky grinned and returned to his rounds as well. He ended up next to Klein as they should probably have some form of conversation to battle the awkwardness. “Hey there. How are you holding up?”

Klein looked at him with a little hesitant smile. “Hey, Barnes. I manage somehow. How are you? Got the job, yes?” 

“Yeah, I’ll start on Monday. Now come on, show me what you’ve got.” 

Klein moves inexpertly but had a good basis, so Bucky urged him to go faster. The longer they were at it, the more Klein relaxed and the better he got. Klein also always helped Bucky back up and then his grip was always strong and sure. 

“You’re doing good. You’re just a bit too hesitant.”

“Yeah. I don’t want to hurt you, you know?”

“I appreciate that, but try not to hold back too much. I’m able to hold a few.”

“It’s not like I don’t want to hold back. It’s just- you’re not a threat, you know? But sometimes I’m afraid I won’t be able to move when it actually matters. I mean I mostly work in the cybersecurity field. So I probably won’t even have to, right?”, Klein was rambling and it made Bucky smile.

“One never knows how one reacts in an emergency. But theoretically knowing what to do is always helpful. And how much action you really see is up to you, I guess. What kind of work you want to do. Have you met Nat already? Romanov.”

“Uh, yeah, I did.” Klein’s cheeks definitely had a hint of red now. “Do you know her?”

“Sure, we grew up together, she is my foster sister. We now live together and she is my best friend.” Klein gulped and Bucky grinned. “Mostly it’s her looking out for me, so there’s that.”

“She is… pretty strong,” Klein mumbled.

“Don’t I know it! I have taken some hits from here throughout my life. Or she is treating to hit people for me.” 

“But you’re strong as well. Uh- I mean you could possibly do that yourself.”

“Nowadays I’m out of practice. And there’s just something about her red hair and furious eyes that has them running away with their tails between their legs.”

“Ain’t that the truth!” Bucky jumped in surprise when Rogers suddenly appeared behind him. “I’m a bit afraid for Russia at the moment since Peper and Nat both have red hair and a bit of a temper.”

“I’m more afraid of them teaming up. I have met Miss Potts only once, but from what I heard and experiences they could go along way to good and glare us all into submission,” Bucky said as he turned towards Rogers. Play it cool, Barnes. 

Good God, closer the muscles looked even more delicious. And the veins! Bucky wanted to lick all of them.

Rogers laughed and brought Bucky back to the here and now. “As far as I know, they already get along just fine. Let’s be happy that Pepper has no interest in world domination. Stark Industries is enough for her. What about Natasha, Barnes?”

“Too much work, I suppose. I think we are safe.” He grinned up at Rogers. The man was just so handsome with a smile on his face, Bucky would make an ass out of himself if it would make the man smile.

“Bucky, come here!” Clint called from the other side of the hall.

“Sounds like somebody wants his punching bag,” Bucky said and headed over. He was not sure if he was sad or relieved about it. 

“Okay, guys! Now real deal. Remember what you did for the last hours and bring it on. Full out spars now. Come here Bucky, we will have some fun first.” Clint turned to Bucky with a grin.

The thing about sparring with Clint was, that they knew each other too well. They took a bit of pride in it and it at least made for a good show, but one couldn’t really call it a spar. 

When Clint tried to whip his legs away Bucky jumped and kicked Clint in the stomach. He used just enough force to get him to stumble. Bucky could probably kick hard enough to make Clint fall back, but he didn’t want to hurt him. Instead, he went for Clint’s arm to twist him around.

Clint saw it coming and kicked at Bucky’s legs again. Hitting this time and making him fall sideways, twisting around and trying to grab Clint’s arm again to throw him over his shoulder. But Bucky’s stance wasn't good enough to pull it off.

And so it went on. Both of them trying to throw the other to the ground or kicking at the legs to make the other fall. Most of the time Bucky could twist away. Pilates and yoga had done wonders for his agility. But he wasn’t as strong as he had been years ago and that put him at a disadvantage. 

Eventually, Clint managed to throw Bucky over his shoulder and pin him down with an arm behind his back. 

“Okay man, this was way harder than expected. I thought since you barely trained in like 4 years this would be easy. You are way more flexible than you were back then.” Clint grunted.

“Nat makes me do yoga?” Bucky said into the mattress, causing Clint to huff as he let him go. 

“Alright everyone, now it’s your turn. Go find a partner!” Clint said while helping Bucky up.

There was a bit of a shuffle while everyone tried to find a partner. Bucky walked around a bit but since he didn’t want to interrupt an ongoing spar he let them be. Instead, he stood at the sides and simply watched.

“That leg work of yours really reminded me of Romanov,” Wilson said as he and Rogers joined him. 

“Well, that’s no wonder. After all, we trained together with Clint, and Clint was always stronger than us, so we had to find some advantage. We choose agility. Nat was more flexible and back than I was stronger so it evened out. But I didn’t train in years, so now I have to go with agility to make up for it.”

“So do you also demand piggyback-rides in mid-fight? Trying to suffocate the other with your tights,” Wilson asked with a cheeky grin, causing Rogers and Bucky to laugh.

“Well, you know, it kinda makes you vulnerable to people throwing themself on their backs, something Clint would do in a heartbeat. And with my legs around his neck- Let’s just say I have a different anatomy and leave it at that.” Wilson and Rogers winched in understanding.

“So, you stopped training when you started college?”, Wilson asked.

“Well. More or less. I stopped after graduating from high school. Back then I was pretty fit. Wanted to join the army actually.”

“Oh?”, Wilson urged him on. 

“Thought about it. I didn’t know what to do after school. My dad had been in the army and his father before him… Okay, you know, actually I wanted to join the Marines and not the army. I wanted to be a scout sniper.”

“A scout sniper! Is that another clue about what I can expect tomorrow?” Wilson asked grinning.

“Wait and see,” Bucky said again with another cheeky grin.

“Oh, I will. Better have some moves tomorrow, Barnes! But you didn’t end up joining the force, right? Found out what you wanted to study?” 

“I- No, not really.” Bucky stocked. The topic of what he did after school was… not the best topic for him. “No, I just didn’t do it, I suppose. I kind of- well-” 

He never knew what to say, without lying. But knowing that Rogers was bisexual, something he didn’t necessarily hide. (Bucky had googled it after Nat mentioned it.) meaning he would be safe to admit his sexuality here, right?

“-I kind of figured out I was into guys back then. I mean, I was still denying it? Maybe it was one of the reasons why I wanted to join. You know, masculinity and military. Hoping that the army would set me straight or something. I get that it doesn’t work that way. Nowadays. But back then-” Bucky shrugged, wondering how he even said that much and if what he said made any sense.

“You graduated in 2010, right? That was when DADT was still active, stupid thing.” Rogers said with a scowl. Bucky had ignored his presence and focused on Wilson as they talked, but now he became painfully aware of the other man again. Look at these veins on his arm, he inwardly sighed dreamily, weren’t they just gorgeous. 

“So you told them, Captain. Right after they gave you your Medal of Honor.” Wilson said while punching Rogers’ shoulder. Bucky looked at them flabbergasted and Wilson was so nice to continue.

“You know, It’s really sad that the cameras were pointed at Steve. I would have loved to see the faces of other officers and republicans, and the DADT supporters.”

Rogers smiled with a glint in his eyes. It was not a nice smile, more a self-satisfied grin. “Oh, some of the faces were priceless. But what could they do? They had just acknowledged my valor and worth as a soldier. They couldn’t very well take it back, claiming I was not fit for service, because I was bisexual. Not to mention it was already during the process of DADT being repelled.”

“Wait. Wait. Do I get this right? You outed yourself at your award ceremony for the Medal of Honor.” 

“Yes.” Rogers nearly sang it, full of satisfaction.

“Okay, where is the video of that. I need that. I so need to see that.” How awesome was that?!

“I’m not sure it’s on the internet, they tried to keep it under covers. Ruffled some feathers I suppose.” Rogers sounded completely unapologetic and Bucky knew what he would do later this evening. Search that video. He needed to see it. It had to be somewhere, right? it was the internet!

“And here we have another prime example of Steve Rogers being a little shit and we love him for it,” Wilson commented.

“I’ll have you know, I’m a charming young man, very polite and a real gentleman. The perfect son-in-law. And you should really mind your language, Sam.” Bucky wasn’t sure if Rogers was serious with the way he was grinning so broadly.

“Stop quoting my mother, Steve! She doesn’t know you as I do! Seriously, Barnes, you know how I met him? While jogging! It was way too early in the morning and he was already a cheeky ass about being faster than me!”

“On your left!”, Rogers sang.

“You see that, Barnes? Don’t let that perfect American white boy smile fool you, he is a little shit. Fuck you, Steve.”

“Sam! You should really watch your language. We should set a good example in front of the innocent and impressionable youth... and our new employees.” 

Bucky was rather sure that Rogers was just jesting, but his face of disapproval? Pure gold.  _ Please, Daddy, punish me for misbehaving.  _ Yeah. So much for innocent youth. 

“Our new employees are preoccupied with sparring and won’t hear me. And Barnes? He grew up with Barton, I don’t believe he is innocent at all. No, I think he is a cheeky brat.”

“Who me?! I’m the prime example of well behaved!” Bucky answered in mock hurt.

“Yeah. Sure. Somehow I don’t believe you. I think you both are little shits. I should be careful that you two white boys don’t gang up on me. You know what, why don’t you two go spar and leave me in peace.” Wilson shoved both of them forward.

Rogers rolled his eyes but smiled at Bucky. “Wanna give it a try?”

Bucky’s brain short-circuit. He had managed to talk, focusing on Wilson, but body contact? Touching Rogers? Rogers touching him?! 

“Sure.” But he couldn’t pass that opportunity up now, could he? 

“Ready?”, Rogers asked after they had found a place to spar. Bucky nodded dumbly, trying to get himself together. He clenched his fists, they were clammy.

In the next moment, Rogers was in his space and Bucky had to hastily evade. The speed threw Bucky off, he hadn’t expected it. Not to mention that he had caught a hint of the man’s smell and been distracted, something he could not afford right now.

Rogers’ muscles were also clearly not just for show, the first hit he landed had made Bucky stumble gracelessly, even if Rogers held back. And when he landed a hit on the man, even with more strength than he used against Clint, the only response was a small grunt. Rogers didn’t even move an inch!

Just the first exchange of blows told Bucky that he wouldn’t win this fight. Unlike with Clint, he didn’t know Rogers moves, and agility wasn’t enough against that moving mass of muscle. If this was a real fight, Bucky would make a run for it now. Or hope he had a knife. Or anything in his environment to help him, because let’s be real, Bucky wasn’t sure he would be fast enough to outrun the man. 

If Rogers managed to grab him and he couldn’t get away instantly, he would be done for. Bucky didn’t even hit back anymore, instead of trying to save his strength. Twisting and turning, while these huge hands tried to pin him down. 

It wasn’t a long fight until Bucky was on the ground. One of Rogers’ arms was around Bucky’s throat, while the man was sitting on his legs to pin them down. He could feel Rogers breathe in his neck and all the strength of these delicious muscles. 

And the smell. It was earthy, but there was a sweetness underneath that drove Bucky wild. Bucky wanted to smell it forever. 

Arousal started to pool in his stomach and he started to struggle. Rogers’ other hand came down on his hip and pressed down, while the arm around his neck held on tighter. Rogers’ warm body was pressed against his back, letting Bucky feel the hard chest and he bit back a moan.

Bucky hit the floor with his right arm to tap out. Rogers let go of his throat instantly and moved away. Bucky stifled a moan in his arm, already missing the contact. 

He remained on the ground without further movement, dizzy from adrenaline and arousal. Not to mention that standing up would reveal his boner. He could live without that, thank you very much. 

“You’re okay there, Barnes?”, Rogers asked. Bucky moved his head slightly to look at the other man who was sitting next to him.

“Yeah. You’re fast. And strong. And I had no idea how to get the upper hand.” Not that he really wanted to, having Rogers’ body press him down had been a delicious experience. Bucky bit his lips and tried to stop thinking about it.

“Sorry, not sorry. Need a hand up?”, Rogers grinned down at him as he stood up and extended a hand.

“Give me a minute. I feel a bit dizzy.” Bucky waved him off. His boner hadn’t gone down enough. 

Rogers frowned, the frown alone made heat pool in Bucky’s stomach again, “I’ll get you something to drink.” Bucky watched him move away, having a great view on that ass. He groaned again and hid his face in his arms. Because all that was not helping, damn it.

“Here.” Rogers had returned, offering Bucky a bottle of water.

“Thanks.”, he mumbled while sitting up party, using one leg to hide his midsection. He was actually thirsty and not just for Rogers. 

“Better?” Rogers asked with a smile and Bucky hummed in agreement. Finally having calmed down, he let Rogers pull him up.

“Got your ass handed to you again, Buttky? You’re ready to start training again?” Bucky turned around to glare at Clint as the man approached.

“I’m not sure what kind of training regime I would have to go through to have a chance against this unmoving wall of muscle.” Bucky allowed himself to pat against Rogers’ arm in demonstration. The man just laughed. Such a nice laugh, such nice arms- “Hey. You lost against me as well, remember?”, Clint interrupted his moment.

“With you, it’s just my lack of strength. I could probably manage that if I would train for that at the gym.” Bucky had to stop himself from sticking out his tongue. 

“I think you used to be nicer to me.” Clint crumbled, causing Bucky to roll his eyes. Clint gave him a mocking glare, before turning around and addressing the whole room to call an end to the training.

Bucky packed his things and waited outside while Clint was talking to Rogers and Wilson about the newbies. 

Klein joined him in front of the hall. “You’re here tomorrow as well?”

“Hey, yeah. But I have no real qualifications to teach you how to shoot, so I’m more or less tagging along so I can shoot myself. How about you?”

“Never held a gun in my hands before, so I hope I won’t cause an incident tomorrow,” Klein said sheepishly. 

“Then I better watch my hide tomorrow. Nah, just joking. It’s a controlled environment tomorrow, so it’ll be okay, don’t worry. And you said you work mostly in cybersecurity, right?”

“Yeah. I guess. But I also do security here in Stark Tower. Including the checkpoint for guests- and yeah. So tasers. We use tasers. Not guns.”, Klein was rambling again, making Bucky grin.

“Don’t worry. Tasers will be included tomorrow as well. Just try to not get hit yourself, they hurt like a bitc-, well they hurt.” Klein smiled at that, so his reassuring had worked.

“You’re waiting for Mr. Barton?” Bucky nodded in affirmation, hiding his amusement.  _ Mr. Barton.  _

“See you tomorrow then.” And Klein was off. Bucky mused, that all embarrassing first encounter aside, he rather liked him. 

“You ready to go home? Or do you want to take a shower here?”, Clint asked him as he left the training hall.

Bucky shot him an unimpressed look. “In a communal shower? As if.” 

“Thought so. Let’s go take a sweaty ride with the metro then.”, Clint said with a big grin and started moving.

The warm shower Bucky took at home was heaven. Getting rid of the sweat and smell. He hoped he hadn’t been too smelly while sparring with Rogers because if he could smell Rogers, Rogers would have been able to smell him as well, right? 

God, that scent. Bucky could barely remember it, but it had been like ambrosia. Bucky would like to press his nose in that neck and never leave. 

He thought about sitting in Rogers’ lap, how these hands would feel on his ass, how easily that man could make him move, grind them together. Would Rogers kiss him? Bucky wondered what his lips would feel like. Or his tongue. 

With these thoughts, Bucky’s dick was getting interested and he touched himself hesitantly. Was it okay to wank off to Rogers? Then again, it's not like Rogers ever had to know right? 

Being pressed down by the man had been amazing. And if it would have been another mattress, maybe without them wearing anything... He would feel the dick pressing against his ass, gliding in his crack. Could feel the breath on his neck. These warm hands on his body. Kneading. Stroking.

Bucky whimpered into his hand while precome was washed down the drain. It felt good, but at the same time, his brain started telling him this was wrong, thinking and lusting about that man, or maybe a man? Trying to ignore it didn’t really work so he let go of his cock and hit the wall in frustration. Hard dick slapping against his stomach. 

He changes the temperature to cold water, watching his hard-on go away. It shouldn’t be that hard to come. It shouldn’t. But Bucky was too stupid to do it himself. Only with the prostate simulator, with that intense feeling, had he been able to do it. Considering how he felt afterward he wasn’t keen on a repeat performance. 

Maybe he should visit Brock? No. No that was a monumentally stupid idea. He would not crawl back. Grindr? But Bucky knew he didn’t have the self-confidence for that. Not for posting pictures, not for meeting a stranger to hook up. Abstinence was a thing and couldn’t be that hard, right? Or he could try that stimulator again someday. 

At least Lana del Rey had released new songs he could listen to. Bucky couldn’t wait for the new album. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this story plays in 2014. And yes, Bucky is a Lana fan and can't wait for Ultraviolence.  
> Hope you enjoyed it!  
> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/).


	6. Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On Sunday Bucky is determined to get a rifle. But there is also Rogers and Bucky seriously has no idea how to deal with this man.  
> The next day he meets a friendly neighborhood kid and starts his internship. Said internship is awesome.   
> And what’s this about Rogers being an artist?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back again. I'm in the middle of writing a term paper but here is the update :)

* * *

“As I see, you were serious about shooting yesterday!”, Bucky looked behind himself to see a smiling Wilson, before unloading his gun and taking off his ear protection to hear him better.

“Hey, good morning. Does Clint need me for something?” 

Bucky had gone ahead to the shooting range, while Clint gave safety instructions and demonstrations with the taser. As Bucky wasn’t about to volunteer for that demonstration he had removed himself from Clint’s reach. Just to be on the safe side. 

“Nah. My curiosity just got the better of me when he said you were here already. And I’m not disappointed.” 

At the moment Bucky was at a modest range and mostly managed to get headshots. But as it wasn’t that far away, it wasn’t really impressive. “Well, it’s been some time. I’m still warming up.” 

Bucky hadn’t done it in ages. Only occasionally shooting arrows with Kate and Clint, but that wasn’t the same. He had forgotten how calming it could be. 

It was also very helpful against sexual frustration and as Bucky had found blue marks on his hip while getting dressed earlier, he really needed it. Then again, if he became too frustrated maybe he would be able to convince his brain to let go while wanking. 

“You’re warming up is already better than what some of my guys with the air force ever managed.”

“Uh, thank you? Clint said I could have a sniper rifle if he deems me good enough. So let’s say I have motivation.”

“Yeah, you said you wanted to become a scout sniper yesterday. So you know your way with weapons?” 

They kept talking until the others entered the range. Bucky’s eyes focused on Rogers, he was wearing a dark blue shirt today, which didn’t make his muscles as obvious. Maybe that was a good thing, as Bucky was a thirsty bastard that couldn’t deal with this kind of distraction. 

The man waved at Bucky in greeting, who shyly waved back.

“Huh, would you look at that. Looks like you are still somewhat capable,” Clint said while nudging him.

Bucky’s face was close to splitting, he was smiling so hard. The sniper rifle was his! Mwahaha.

“But first you’ll help me with the newbies.” Bucky deflated but accepted that work came first.

He went and said hello to Klein and gave him a few more instructions to calm his nerves. Klein mostly was only holding the gun too tight and afraid of the blowback at the same time. But after half an hour he went back to Clint. The man was talking to Wilson and Rogers anyway, it couldn’t be that much work, therefore Bucky should be free to play with the rifle. 

“Oh no. Puppy eyes,” Clint groaned as Bucky approached. In answer, Bucky actually put on a pout and deliberately batted his eyelashes. It maybe was a little childish, but he wanted that rifle! 

“And this gentleman is the reason why Laura makes all the important decisions. Damn you, Bucky, for teaching this to my children. Fine, fine. I’ll get the rifle.”

YES!

“Oh, somebody is happy. Should we all run for cover?” Wilson joked. 

Glaring at him, Bucky refrained from sticking his tongue out as that would be too childish. Rogers was already laughing at Bucky’s antics, but that was okay. The man was handsome as hell when he laughed and also Bucky could live with a bit of embarrassment as long as he got the rifle.

“Here. Go to the side to not distract the others.” Clint gave him the case and waved him off.

Bucky just grinned happily one last time and then he was off for some fun.

* * *

“That makes you happy?” Bucky startled a bit because he had not paid attention to his surroundings.

“Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.” Bucky turned around and looked up at Rogers.

Rogers had long legs. At least they appeared so very long from down here. The view was enough to give him ideas again. It was unnatural how fast his mind went to dirty thoughts if confronted with Rogers. A clear sign of his sexual frustration.

“Nah. It’s okay. I was just reloading anyway. And yeah this makes me happy,” Bucky said then after what was probably a bit long of a pause. 

He was still thinking about other things that made him happy. Like being pressed down into a mattress by Rogers... He really needed to stop thinking about it. Someday something would slip while talking to him and that would make everything so awkward. 

Rogers smiled down at him and Bucky’s inside swooned. Why was this man so perfect?

“I found the video,” Bucky blurted out. 

Yesterday evening Bucky had watched Rogers’ medal of honor ceremony. He had watched it before, of course, but now that he knew the man personally, it had meant so much more. It had been a combined operation to secure an important route for food and medication, not just for the US military but Afghan civilians as well, and they had been ambushed and surrounded by enemy forces.

Multiple times Rogers had gone back to retrieve the wounded or the bodies of the fallen. Again and again, until Rogers had been hit himself. Bucky couldn’t really comprehend what that would have been like, what kind of courage that took. That day Rogers had lost his sergeant and best friend, as well as his brother-in-law who had been with the British Army. 

Afterward, he had spent months in hospitals, unconscious at first and for some time it hadn’t been clear if he could even walk anymore. Only to get back up in time to watch his wife die of breast cancer. Bucky wasn’t sure how Rogers had been able to make it through that and still remained such a good-natured person. 

In the here and now Rogers looked at him with visible confusion. “What video?”

“Of you telling them to get rid of DADT after your induction.” Because the little speech Wilson had talked about? It hadn’t been at the award ceremony but later at the Hall of Heroes Induction that Rogers had given that short speech. 

Rogers had stood on that stage in uniform with the Medal of Honor around his neck and basically told the military officials and politicians to get their heads out of their arse. That he liked the company of women as well as of men and had been sick of hiding it while he had been in the military. So if they could please go on with the DADT repeal, it was long overdue anyway. 

And then he walked off the stage with his head held high into the silence until his Army comrades had greeted him with hugs cheering loudly. Simply epic.

Rogers blinked. “Oh? It’s there on the internet somewhere?”

“Of course it is. It’s the internet,” Bucky deadpanned back.

“Really?” Rogers looked truly surprised. “Maybe I should pay more attention to social media. Pepper and Tony always tell me I’m hopeless. But I’m still surprised, I mean they reported on my medal of honor, but not on that.”

“But they did? It was a big topic for the LGBT community. Many were quite sad that you weren’t available for interviews.”

“Oh really? Well, the more you know. I mean I did interviews. I remember that one journalist asked me why I would dishonor my late wife in such a way. I answered that Peggy had been very much aware of my sexuality and had found the DADT dishonorable. But I think that was cut out of the interview later on. Mostly they always just wanted to talk about the battle anyway.” Rogers’ posture was stiff, obviously not liking the topic. 

“Well, there were quite a few soldiers relieved to know that such a highly distinguished person is one of them,” Bucky said instead and then turned back to the rifle, reloading it to appear busy. 

A silence settled between them and Bucky had no idea how to lift it. 

“I don’t want to keep you from shooting. You’re a good shot,” Rogers said then. Bucky looked back up at him, and mumbled a “thanks”. He wanted to say something, anything to keep their conversation going but he couldn’t think of anything.

Still, Rogers didn’t move, he was furrowing his brow until he opened his mouth again. ”Would you mind if I stayed and watched for some time?”

_ ‘Mind’ _ wasn’t exactly the word Bucky would use. “Uh- Sure. But it’s not that interesting,” he shrugged.

“Let me be the judge of that. Show me some?” Rogers sat down. Right beside Bucky! Bucky blinked. Now how was he going to concentrate if that man was sitting down right there?

Swallowing hard Bucky got back into position, trying to ignore the warmth where their legs nearly touched. He was here to shoot! Who knew when he would get that chance again.

So Bucky breathed out, concentrated on the target, focused on his heartbeat, breathed out, and pulled the trigger. Headshot. If a bit low. Soon enough he had mostly forgotten that Rogers was sitting next to him.

Bucky was reloading his rifle again when a movement beside him caught his attention. Rogers had leaned forward, one arm outstretched as if he had wanted to touch Bucky but then thought better of it. 

Rogers must have noticed that Bucky had moved slightly and looked up with a sheepish smile. “Sorry. Just your shirt moved up and- Are these bruises from our spar yesterday?” 

“Uh, yeah?” Bucky blushed. Just thinking about the bruises got him hot and bothered again. Maybe he shouldn’t react to bruises like that, but it had been physically proved that Rogers had touched him. 

Bucky was such a pervert.

Rogers looked crestfallen. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize I used that much strength.” 

Bucky wanted to kiss that man. And tell him he didn’t mind, quite the opposite. Urgh. “No, no. It’s okay. They don’t hurt or anything. I bruise rather easily I suppose, they’ll be gone in a few days.” Sadly.

“Still, I grabbed too hard. I’m really sorry, I reacted on instinct when you started to struggle.” Rogers’ hand brushed over Bucky’s skin in a featherlight touch. Right over the bruise. It made Bucky’s stomach flop. 

“Well, I better head back now. Thanks for letting me watch. See you later.” Rogers patted Bucky’s tight as he stood up.

Holding his breath until Rogers was gone, Bucky buried his face into his arm and moaned. If Rogers had gone up just a bit, he would have touched Bucky’s ass. And thinking about that set Bucky off again. Holy shit, it was surreal how fast Rogers got him going! This was seriously starting to become a problem.

And the look in Rogers’ eyes, he had looked truly sorry. Seriously that man was too good to be true. Not just hot as hell but also kind. He was so out of Bucky’s league, they may as well live on different planets or something.

God, this had been easier when he had not known the man before they seemed to run into each other again and again. Like this weekend, or the job interview. How often would they see each other when they worked at the same place? On the floors, in the elevators. And where did that yearning inside Bucky come from? Why did it feel so bittersweet?

Bucky sighed and went back to shooting. It would at least take his mind off things.

“You’re still having fun?” This time it was Wilson grinning down at him. 

“Yup!” Bucky answered with a wide grin of his own. 

“You are a good shot, you know. I’m impressed. And so was Steve when he came back.” Bucky’s stomach felt weird while he shuttered out thanks. 

“Sadly you’ll have to stop. Clint wants you for a demonstration. Or rather a competition, I guess.”

“Oh? The ‘Who is the better sniper’-competition?”

“Got it in one,” Wilson helped him up and they moved back to the group. 

“Bucky! You’ve had enough training to take me on?” Clint asked with a sneaky smile. Two small targets had been installed on the other side of the hall. 

Bucky rolled his eyes but got in position. “I’ll try my very best.” 

He did manage to hold his own, the others were clearly impressed. Even Clint couldn’t help acknowledging it. Mature as he was, Clint went to the weapon storage to return with a compound bow. “I always hated guns anyway. Let’s face off with this.” 

“Forget it! You can ask Kate for a competition with that. I probably don’t even have enough strength to pull the string!” Bucky spluttered. 

“Hah! You admit defeat then.” Bucky glared at Clint unimpressed while the group laughed.

Bucky still let himself get coaxes to give the bow a try. Of course, the string proved too much for him after only a few shots. But as Clint got asked about the bow, the man demonstrated it a bit. Showed off his arm muscles very nicely. Bucky was still allowed to admire them, right?

Eventually, they put all the weapons away and called an end to the day. Bucky went and retrieved his bag and when he returned the group was talking rather excitedly.“What about you, Barnes? Are you joining us?” Rogers addressed him with an easy smile.

“Join you, what?” Eloquent, Barnes. Really dignified. 

“To dinner! I always treat my new employees to an early dinner after training. Do you want to come along?” 

“But I’m not one of your new employees?”, Bucky stated dully. 

“Doesn’t matter. And from what I saw today maybe I should make you an offer.”, Rogers grinned at him.

Bucky swooned, as his mind went to the idea of Rogers being his boss and doing  _ things  _ with him. God damn his one-track mind. 

“Come on, Bucky. Let bossman treat us to dinner.” Clint flung an arm around him and dragged him along. 

“Okay? Where are we going?”, Bucky asked while trying to sort himself out.

Clint and Rogers shared a look, grinned, and simultaneously said: “Shawarma!” 

* * *

On Monday morning Bucky was back at Stark Tower to meet with the other summer interns. 

Ever went into a room full of people and just knew with whom you would get along and whom not? Bucky had that feeling nearly every time he met new people. 

Like back in the foster home, when he had been taken to his new bedroom in the basement. He had shared it with two other boys. With Nico Bucky had known they wouldn’t get along, but with Alexi Bucky had known they could be friends. They had been friends.

When he had met the girls at dinner, the first person in the room who he had noticed was a girl with red hair and green eyes. Bucky hadn’t even known Nat’s name back then and had still decided that they would be friends. Just as he had known to stay away from Nina, the oldest girl.

When Nat hat introduced him to Clint, Bucky had liked the man immediately. Especially Clint’s arms. But when he had met Petrovich something had thrown him off. Maybe it had been the looks the older man had given Nat while supposedly being the ‘closest thing to a father’ she had. 

Now he was again in a room full of strangers. They were sixteen summer interns in total. Fourteen ordinary ones and two with special treatment. 

The oldest was probably in his thirties already, but most of them seemed to be students in their twenties. They stood together in small circles, seemingly already knowing each other. And then there was the boy, well teenager, who stood alone against one side of the room.

As Bucky entered the room the kid looked up and hesitantly moved closer. And there it was, the gut feeling that he would like the kid, so Bucky smiled. Encouraged by it the kid greeted him with a shy smile of his own. “Hey, I’m Peter Parker. You are Vision’s friend, right? Barnes?” 

“Hey and yes. I’m Bucky Barnes. It’s nice to meet you. I presume you are the kid Mr. Stark was talking about?” 

Parker blushed but nodded. “Probably, yes.”

Then an elderly strict looking woman entered the room then and called them to their seats. She welcomed them, introduced herself, and then her eyes focused on Bucky and Peter. Bucky had a bad feeling about this.”

“As you may have noticed or group has two new faces. These are Peter Parker, he is a student at Midtown School of Science and Technology and will be Mr. Stark’s personal intern.” 

Bucky heard somebody grumble “Why isn’t he in school where he belongs then?” and Parker seemed to sink down in his chair. Bucky winced in sympathy.

“And James Barnes, who studies engineering and psychology at NYU and will be Dr. Banner’s intern.” Bucky felt totally exposed to the whole group. He and Parker looked at each other. They were the odd ones out, they would just have to stick together. 

The internship was rather complex as they could choose from different departments, depending on what they had chosen they were now assigned a timetable. Bucky would spend his first weeks in Marketing, before going into different departments of Research and afterward Development. This was going to be fun. 

Of course, he would spend two days a week with Dr. Banner as well. In fact, after the introduction, he was to make his way up to Dr. Banners.

“Hey, Barnes? Uh- Mr. Stark said I should follow you to Dr. Banners and he would come to get me there?” Parker said as Bucky stood up. 

“Uh- sure I guess? You’ve got your ID Card and everything?” 

“Yup. I just don’t know where to go?” 

“Well, I hope I remember the way. Come along then?” Parker hurried behind him to the elevators. 

“So, you’re study engineering and psychology, right?” Parker asked while they waited. By the time they entered the elevator, Parker and Bucky were in a heated argument about bio-inspired robotics. 

Parker greeted Dr. Banner with excitement, citing some of his works. Dr. Banner looked startled but answered Parker’s questions until they were so deep into the topic of biochemistry that Bucky looked at Vision for help. However, when Vision started to explain to him the basics the other two sheepishly stopped talking.

Safe to say, Parker was a little genius. And also way more into Dr. Banner’s topic, than Bucky was. Mostly joking he said, “So, you sure we are assigned properly? From what I just gathered, you have more understanding of biochemistry already than I ever will.” 

“Oh, I would love to have a stay with Dr. Banner this summer, I’m sure I can get Mr. Stark to take you on if you want.”, Parker said back mostly seriously.

Bucky coughed slightly. “I think I prefer Dr. Banner’s calmness.” 

“To what? My neverending charm?” Bucky had mentioned, that Mr. Stark needed a bell, right? Bucky spluttered while looking at the man that had appeared in the doorway. 

“Tony,” Dr. Banner sighed, making Mr. Stark just grinned with satisfaction. 

“Anyway. Barney take this!” 

Bucky caught what Mr. Stark threw him and looked at it with confusion. It was a box. A box with a StarkPhone in it. The newest StarkPhone. “Huh?”

“We have apps for everything. You’ll need a phone that is capable of using all these apps. Your dinosaur of a phone just won’t do.”

“Eh? Wait. That’s for me? For the internship?”

“Yeah yeah. Something like that. And since that internship started today, we better all go to work. Underoos, with me!”

“Underoos?” Bucky asked flabbergasted.

Parker just sighted. “Yeah, well. I wore themed pajamas while we met in the hospital here. Sadly he remembers. Uh, see you later?” 

“Yeah sure.” Bucky blinked and watched them go.

“Oh, by the way, Buckerino! 4th of July Party, attendance is mandatory! See you then at the latest!”, Mr. Stark shouted while he stepped through the door.

“What?”

“You know, Fireworks, free alcohol. And you better go with the theme!” then they were gone.

“What?”

“You’ve just been invited to one of Tony's infamous-famous party’s. And just make sure you wear the American flag somewhere or at least are dressed in red, blue, and white. Or he'll make you wear something of his choosing and you don’t want that,” Dr. Banner just said it like it was the most normal thing in the world. Which it probably was. For him.

“Okay?” 

“I’ll be there too. I’ll leave for Wakanda right after, so it could be a farewell party?” Vision said then. That and the free drinks pretty much sealed the deal for Bucky. 

* * *

Bucky loved this internship. Bucky hadn’t been this happy(?), satisfied(?) in like forever. Working with Vision and Dr. Banner was maybe a bit of a dance around social awkwardness, but that became easier every day. And he learned so freaking much!

While marketing was not what Bucky wanted for his future, it was still nice to know. Marketing research was a bit dull at the beginning, but it gave an overview of the customer’s wants and needs. And that was what made money in the end, right? So, useful to know. 

He had also struck a tender friendship with Parker, well Peter now, and they meet up for lunch regularly, with Vision joining them most of the time. Although the kid was seriously hero-worshipping, not that Bucky blamed him, even Peter needed breaks from the madness that was Mr. Stark. 

On his way to meet Peter for lunch, Bucky saw Rogers again. In the elevator. Wearing a grey check suit. Now Rogers always looked good in Bucky’s opinion, but there was just something about him in a suit. It was not just that Rogers looked like he had walked out of a magazine, he also looked powerful, commanding.

“Hello, Mr. Rogers.” Bucky smiled shyly upon stepping into the elevator, while his mind played off his authoritarian kink. 

“Hey there Barnes, how was the first week?” Rogers smiled at him. And he was always so friendly too! 

“Uh, good. I’m still trying to get my footing. And orientation, this tower is too big! But it’s really interesting. I’m spending Mondays and Tuesdays with Dr. Banner and Vision before he leaves in a week. And the remaining days in other departments.”

“Oh, where are you know?” 

“Marketing. I thought I would start where it went to the customer, you know? So that when I’m in development and research later I remember usability.”

“As to not invent a mobile phone only to realize you made it so thick, that we have phones that look like bricks again? I mean not that the ’80s didn’t have some perks, but still.” 

Bucky laughed. “Well, the phones are getting bigger again. I mean Mr. Stark got me this new StarkPhone for the internship. And it is soooo much bigger than my old one. That one wasn’t even a smartphone.”

“Oh yeah, that’s one of the new series. Tony wants me to get one of those too, but I’m still good with the one from when I started SHIELD. I don’t see the need of buying a new one every other year.”

“Well, but that is how capitalism works, right? Always the newest of the newest.”

“Nice to see you realize what marketing is about. But let’s not get into an argument about consumerism and the throw-away society. Where are you heading to right now?”

“Oh, I’m meeting up with someone for lunch at- uh-” Bucky had to look up where Peter was waiting for him before repeating it. 

“You know where to go?” Rogers asked with a smile, while Bucky started to move out of the elevator. Bucky had a slight feeling of Deja-Vu. “Kinda?”

Rogers laughed and stepped out of the elevator as well. “Come on, I’ll accompany you.” 

“Okay? Thanks! But I don’t want to keep you or something.”

“Barnes, there are certain benefits to being the boss, you know?”, Rogers said with a cheeky grin. Bucky’s inside felt fuzzy. 

“What other departments are you going to visit?” 

“Ah- Oh. Actually to research, you know, to the first step of the circle.” 

“So from how do I sell it to what do I even sell? Seems reasonable, although it will be a bit of a jump.” 

“Yeah, I’m pretty excited. I mean we always have these ideas while studying but never go further. And research in a lab for university and science is something else from research to sell it.” 

“Sure it is. You already know what the research is going to be about?” 

“Uh. Oh. No. I know that there are of course approaching more than just one thing, but I don’t know where I’ll end up. If I get assigned or have to choose or something.” 

“All the more anticipation for you, I suppose. I’m sure it’ll be great for you.”

“Bucky!”, Peter walked towards them with a big smile on his face. The kid was like a giant ball of cheerfulness, in a nice way that lifted one's spirit and just made one smile back.

“Uh, oh! Hey?” It seemed that Peter had just realized that Bucky wasn't alone.

“Hey, Peter. So this is Steve Rogers, he is the head of SHIELD Security. Mr. Rogers this is Peter Parker, he is also a summer intern.” Then Bucky realized he had said  _ Mister Rogers  _ and bit his lips. 

“Hello Parker, you’re Tony’s kid, right?”

Peter blushed and ducked his head. “Uh yes. And wait. Steve Rogers? Are you the one who painted all these pictures for the hospital?” 

“Oh? Yeah, I am actually.” 

Wait, what was going on? What pictures?

“Awesome. I love the way you worked with light! I used to spent hours looking at your paintings while I was there.” 

“That so? Tony was convinced they were boring but Pepper augmented that the kids would maybe like a look at nature. You’re doing good now, Parker?” 

What?

“Yes, cancer couldn’t beat me.”, Peter smiled cheerfully. “And I didn’t think they were boring. I really loved the sunset over the sea.” 

“Yeah, I thought about painting a sunrise instead. Making it uplifting and bright. But sunsets with the red colors are just more impressive.”

“Wait wait wait. Hold on a minute. You two lost me?”, Bucky interrupted them.

“Oh. Mr. Rogers is a painter. A few of his landscape pictures are within the Maria Stark Memorial Children’s Hospital. I was there battling cancer for a while, you knew that right?”

“Yeah, uh, yes. Mr. Stark mentioned something, I think?” And this was a bit awkward, wasn’t it? ”So you are a painter?” Back to safer topics. 

“Truthfully, I sketch more than I paint. But yes, before SHIELD and the military I wanted to be an artist. Nowadays I only do it now and then. I actually give an art class at a VA on Mondays.” 

Bucky blinked trying to comprehend what he had learned. Steve Rogers, head of SHIELD, Medal of Honor recipient, and artist. Huh.

Rogers looked at him and laughed. “Don’t look so surprised. I may be a workaholic, but I do have hobbies, you know.”

“Yeah. Uh. Sure. I thought that was running,” Bucky just said back still caught off guard.

“This may surprise you, but one can have more than one hobby. But talking about it, I have to go back to work and be a responsible boss.” Rogers shoot Bucky a look full of mirth at that. 

“Of course,” Bucky mumbled. 

“And you two need to grab some food before your break is over. Enjoy your meal, kids!” Kids? Really? Peter was a kid, granted, but Bucky was 22! 

“Bye Mr. Rogers.”, Peter and he said nearly in chorus. Urgh. 

But Bucky followed Peter to get food because he was hungry. He was! He just also was thinking about Rogers and paintings.

“You’re okay there, Bucky?”, Peter asked and got him back to the here and now. “You seem a bit absent. It’s not because of me right? People get like that when they find out I’ve had cancer. But I’m truly okay now, okay?”

“Oh. Uh. Sorry. No, actually I’m trying to wrap my head around Rogers and painting.”

“Why is that such an issue for you?”, Peter asked with a laugh.

“Urgh. I don’t know. But my brain just doesn’t compute. I’m sorry.” 

“Hah. Your brain going to explode if I tell you I’m a photographer?” 

“A photographer?” 

“Yup. That’s my hobby. I like taking photos. Of people, of things, of nature. Of everything really.” 

“And that’s why you are awed by Rogers’ paintings?”

“Kinda. I liked the way he played with light in his paintings. It’s really amazing. And also the landscapes. Forest, rivers, and the sea. Call me silly, but if you are caught in a skyscraper in New York, you really yearn for nature. The look onto Central Park only does that much.” 

“It’s not silly, it’s totally understandable.” Bucky poked at his food as he contemplated his lack of hobbies. 

Also, would it be understandable if Bucky went into the hospital to take a look at these paintings? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me here or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) 😊


	7. Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wanda and Bucky have a heart-to-heart, that makes Bucky think about his behavior.
> 
> Also, Bucky is listening to too much Lana Del Rey and wears the blue suit for the first time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, I'm writing myself into a permanent state of sexual frustration with this. I'm no longer sure if Bucky really is that thirsty, or if it's me... xD

* * *

“Say, Bucky, you think I would be a good therapist?” Wanda asked him with her head on his shoulders, as they laid on Clint’s couch in a food coma after Sunday pizza. Pietro and Clint were outside playing with Lucky, while Nat and Kate were upstairs with Laura, so it was just them. 

“Huh?” Bucky asked with his eyes closed and nearly dozing off.

“Well, you know, I’ll graduate in a year and I was just thinking about what I’ll do after. And I’m thinking about studying psychology and becoming a therapist. Maybe a child therapist. Maybe for immigration. Or war trauma. I mean, wouldn’t that help? If I tell them I’m a war orphan...”

Bucky blinked and tried to wake up because they seemingly were having a serious conversation now “Well I think you were always interested in psychology, I mean you asked for my books after my first semester. Even my transcripts and everything. So I already figured it could be something you’d like to do in the future. And I guess knowing that somebody understands where you’re coming from does help.”

“Well, I just- I remember what it was like coming here, you know? I had Pietro at least, but others come totally alone. And we came here and our English was broken at best and everything was new... And in one piece. I remember that one kid was crying in school because their toy got destroyed. And I didn’t understand what was so bad about a broken toy? At least it wasn’t your house?”

Bucky absently started stroking Wanda's hair. “Hm. When the worries of others seem so irrelevant.”

“Which they were not. I get that. It was bad for the little girl, she didn’t know any worse. Thank God she didn’t! But still. You know, Pietro and I hated everything about our life here. von Strucker… I don’t get why he even adopted us. He expects us to be grateful because he was our mighty savior or something. But I don’t get why he did it.”

“Never got that myself, or why he fostered me. I mean the guy just didn’t care for the most part what we were doing.”

“Yeah. I mean we are fed, he buys us stuff, he pays for our education, but he doesn’t care about our grades for the most part, or our hobbies or what we are doing. As long as he knows where we are and come home on time... He never even checked if we went to bed.”

“Yeah, I remember that. I started putting you to bed when I moved in,” Bucky laughed.

“For the most part, we ended up sleeping in your bed,” Wanda retorted. 

“Oh yes, and the bed was way too small for the three of us.”

“You fell nearly out of bed every night and Pietro was squished between you and the wall.”

“And you slept peacefully on top of us, like a spoilt princess. Seriously, the idea to move mattresses on the ground should have come sooner.” 

Wanda rearranged herself so that she was now resting her head on Bucky's chest, looking up at him grinning. She looked young and happy. Nothing like the solemn child Bucky had first met. 

“Pietro and I never felt welcome here until you came along. You made sure we made our homework, cooked for us, improved our English skills… “, she smiled with glassy tears. “I just- I said thank you for that, didn’t I?” 

Bucky leaned down to kiss her on the forehead. “You did, but you don’t have to be thankful for that. I mean you deserve to be cared for. It’s one of the reasons why I introduced you to Clint so fast and why he basically adopted you as well.”

“Yeah. And it was probably one of the best things that ever happened to me. Happened to us. So thank you.”

“Oh, Wanda. Come here.” Bucky sat up slightly to drag her into his lap to hug her tight. “You know, I came to this house and there were these two 12-year-old children. Quite the curious lot. They basically swarmed me, never giving me a moment of peace. Always asking questions. And they acted so tough, pretended to be all grown up... You two were adorable.”

“But in reality, we just wanted a hug,” Wanda said while holding him tight. Bucky squeezed back, he would give her all the hugs she needed.

Still hugging him and hiding her face in his neck, Wanda kept talking. “I hate von Strucker. I was indifferent to him before, but I hate him ever since he made you move out when you graduated. I just- If you had stayed. If you hadn’t moved with Shostakov to Brighton Beach. Maybe-” 

Bucky felt like he was going to be sick. 

“Hey. Stop. Don’t think about the maybes. I’m sorry that my actions have hurt you. That was never my intention. I was being stupid and made the wrong decisions. And I know you guys think it was Alexi’s fault. But Wanda, it wasn’t him, okay? Yes, he was dealing with drugs, I won’t pretend he didn’t. But he didn’t make me take drugs, okay? In fact, he tried to stop me. We had a big fight about it right before I- Before- Before I left.”

“He should have told us you were gone sooner! I know he and Natasha had a bad break up, but he should have told us!” Wanda was holding on to him tight while she cried. 

“Wanda. Hey. Shhh. Alexi thought I went to you guys, okay? He didn’t realize I left. He didn’t know, okay? It was not his fault. Don’t blame him for my mistakes. And I’m sorry, I’m sorry for leaving. For being stupid. If I could turn back time, I would. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Bucky felt awful and was totally crying as well.

“I’m sorry, too. I mean I had realized you were acting off. You came by less and you didn’t pay attention to what we said… I should have realized something was going on.” 

“Oh. Wanda. You were just a child. It wasn’t your responsibility. I’m so sorry. I was stupid. And there were bad influences. And a toxic relationship. And I was just-.” He hid his face in her hair, while he sobbed.

“Sorry. Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought it up. I shouldn't have-”

“No Wanda. Shhh. This has obviously been bothering you for a while. And I don’t- I don’t- I want you to know you can always talk to me, okay? I’ll always try to listen. And yes this topic is hard but I don’t- If you need to talk...” She hid her face in his neck again as they cried. 

“You know I have a sister your age, right?”, Bucky asked her after a moment of silence. 

Wanda stilled for a moment.“Yeah?” She said hesitantly. “I mean, you don’t really talk about her, but yeah. Becca, right?”

“Yes, Rebecca, but I called her Becca. She is nearly a year younger than you, and when I saw you, I just… You were her age, and she wasn’t there for me to look after, but you were. And I’m sorry I failed you.”

“You didn’t fail us! Don’t think that. I’m just- I’m so happy you are here now. I’m happy you are back. I’m happy because lately, you’ve been so much happier. And I just-” 

Bucky was squeezing her face in his hands and looked at her through the tears. “I love you, you know that, right? I love you. And I’m sorry for leaving you. You’re my little baby sister as well, okay?” 

Wanda smiled through the tears. “Yeah, brother mine. I love you too,” and then they hugged again while calming down. 

They must have been quite the sight for Pietro and Clint when they returned. “Everything okay here?”, Clint asked hesitantly while stepping closer to the couch. There was a gash on his hand that was slightly bleeding.

“Yeah, we’re good.”, Bucky said hoarsely while pulling Pietro into a hug as well. “What did you do, this time?” Bucky nodded to the hand. 

“Oh, just a scratch from a branch in the garden. I’ll go and clean it up. You’ll be fine?” Clint asked hovering for a moment more. 

“Yes. I’m holding my little baby siblings and everything is okay,” Bucky waved him off.

“Baby siblings?” Pietro asked wondering from where he was smashed against Bucky’s side.

“Yup. My baby sister and my baby brother, both of whom I love very much.” 

“That so, big bro? Well then,” Bucky felt Pietro’s body relax against him.

“I’m going to wash my face,” Wanda said after a while and untangled herself. 

“Everything good?”, Pietro asked after she was gone, still leaning on Bucky’s shoulder. 

“Yeah, we just- Wanda had-” 

“Was this about when you left? How she felt guilty?”

Bucky groaned. “This had been eating her up for a while then, I take?”

“Yeah, I’m glad you talked.”

“Are you good?” 

Now, Pietro moved, sat up to look Bucky straight in the eyes. “I didn’t feel guilty, you know? I was angry. Angry at you for being stupid.” 

Bucky winced not knowing if that was better in any way. “Listen, Piet. That’s okay. You’re justified in being angry. If I can do anything to make you less angry-”

“I said I was angry. Not that I am. But yes, please don’t vanish without a trace taking drugs and return with an overdose that nearly killed you.” Pietro could be so very blunt, Bucky actually had to huff a laugh. 

“Right. Right. I think I can do that.”

“Good. And maybe you should wash your face as well, you look like shit.”

“Yes yes yes. Alright. Let me go then.”

Of course, he had to reassure Clint when he returned as well. But it was okay, it was nice to know that they cared. Not that Bucky didn’t realize that they cared, but it was nice to have these reminders. They always pushed him a little, pushed him to be better. 

Bucky spent the rest of the day on Clint’s couch, deep in thoughts. He had mostly, well not ignored, suppressed what his behavior had meant for other people. Which was kind of an asshole thing to do. Did Alexi even know, that Bucky was still alive? How would he know, Bucky can’t imagine that Nat told him or something. 

It was hard to open up about everything. Even with Professor Xavier, who always was rather gentle when he was asking, Bucky had closed up a few times. Simply because answering would lead to more questions and there were a few things Bucky rather never ever think about again. 

But maybe Bucky could talk from his time in Brighton Beach onwards. About that charismatic man that had said all the right things: Aleksander Lukin. Although that probably wasn’t the man’s real name, to begin with. Bucky had told Xavier about him but just vaguely. Letting him conclude that Bucky had had an abusive partner, that had made him use drugs and lured him away to Washington. Which was also the truth, but only the easy truth. He should stop lying by omission if he wanted to move on, right? 

* * *

“I think I’ll need a map,” Bucky whined while he followed Vision.

“I’m sure it’ll come to you,” Vision said in good spirit while he maneuvered Stark Tower like a pro. Bucky scowled at him. 

Since Dr. Banner was under house arrest, he could not leave the upper floors, so Vision played messenger boy. And when he was gone this would be Bucky’s job. Luckily they lived in the age of the internet and the like. Otherwise, this would be a full-time job. Bucky shudders thinking about it. 

“So now you check your ID here again and then you are back by the elevators,” Vision made it sound so simple. Bucky just hoped he would remember all this when he was on his own next week. 

“So, where are we meeting Peter for lunch today?”, Vision asked while they waited. Bucky just gave him the place, it’s not like he knew where to go. He dreaded Vision not being here next week. At least Peter would be with him, they could suffer together. 

As they entered the elevator, Bucky saw a face that was becoming more and more familiar to him. Rogers, again in a suit, again looking too handsome to be true, greeting them with a friendly smile. Bucky had mentioned, that he loved these eye wrinkles? 

_ They say I'm too young to love you. I don’t know what I need.  _ What Bucky needed, was a Rogers for take-away. And maybe Bucky couldn’t sing for shit, but he was still a Brooklyn Baby, okay? Slightly amused where his head was going, Bucky realized that Rogers was actually born in the seventies. The man would turn 35 soon, on the 4th of July.  _ Red, white blue is in the sky. Summer’s in the air and, baby, heaven’s in your eyes.  _ Bucky listened to too much Lana Del Rey at the moment. 

A hand settled on his shoulder and startled Bucky, who looked up at an amused Rogers. His blue eyes really were like heaven. “Well Vision, I think he is not just lost in the tower, he is also lost in his head”. 

Bucky blushed furiously. “I- Sorry. Uh.” 

Rogers just laughed good naturally. “You’re hungry, Barnes? Thinking about what you want to eat? Come on you should step out now.” Rogers gently pushed him into movement.

“Yes. Sure. Food.” It was a bit bizarre how right Rogers was and also  _ not _ . Was Bucky hungry? Probably. But what he was more, was being thirsty. Because Bucky was a fucking creep, who was ogling that man like he was a piece of meat. It was so inappropriate, Bucky needed to get a grip.

Okay, he should think about something different. Food. Bucky should think about what he would like to eat.  _ I got sweet taste for men who are older. It’s always been so, it’s no surprise. _ Bucky stifled a groan. He was helpless. 

Peter greeted them cheerfully and stating how hungry he was, saving Bucky from his thirsty mind. Rogers squeezed Bucky’s shoulder again before sadly letting go. “So Pietro and I are going to Bear Mountain on Saturday, trail running. And he asked if you could come along.”

“Trail running?”, Bucky said, trying to comprehend what Rogers’ had said. Because spending a day with Rogers. Yeah sure. But trail running? Bucky knew how fit Pietro was, thanks to their little morning runs last month, and Rogers was probably just as good. They were training for a marathon after all. 

Which meant Bucky would be sweating buckets until he was an undignified mess and huffing and puffing all the way. He could already hear Pietro teasing him. In front of Rogers. Nope. Bucky would not go trail running with them. 

“Yes. I don’t think he really expects you to come running with us. But there is still space in my car, so if you want to come along you can. Take a friend with you. Go hiking or something. The weather should be good, not too warm not too cold. A bit cloudy but that’s better than smoldering in the summer sun.”

“Uh- okay?” Bucky blinked, still dumbfounded. 

“Okay okay, I get it. One-track mind on food. I won’t keep you from your well-earned meal. Enjoy your lunch!” And off he was. 

Bucky blinked. Right. Okay. Rogers had just offered to take him along for a trip. Bucky could do that. Or rather Bucky could not miss that opportunity. “You’re packing Saturday, aren't you, Vision?” 

“Sorry, I won’t have the time.”

“What about you, Peter? You’ve got time on Saturday to go hiking in the wild and enjoy nature?” 

Peter blinks at him while they waited in line. “You serious?” 

“Sure, if you want? You could take your camera along, take some pictures.” 

“Well. Don’t you want to ask your other friends first? I mean-” 

“Nat will be working. Kate is doing archery on Saturday. Wanda is babysitting and well that’s pretty much it actually.” 

That friend list was really not that long. Well, there was Dr. Strange,  _ Stephen  _ now, wasn’t there? Whom he should write an email anyway, telling him how the internship was going. Stephen, and god that still sounded weird, had asked for it after all. But asking the man to go hiking with him?  _ Stephen _ was raising his eyebrows in Bucky’s head and then pointedly looked down at his designer clothes as if to say:  _ Who do you take me for?  _

“Uh. Okay. I mean sure. I would like that. I haven’t been out in a while. You wouldn’t mind me taking pictures?”

“Nope. Maybe pester you with questions and asking to try it out myself. I have been told to get a hobby.” and more friends. 

“The new StarkPhone is known for having an excellent camera.”, Vision pointed out while they sat down to eat. 

“Better try it out then.”, Buckys said before he started eating. 

“Right. okay. I’ll just have to convince my aunt. Shouldn’t be too hard. She’ll be working the whole weekend anyway. She’ll be less keen on me driving with a stranger...”

“He has a medal of honor. I’m sure you can convince her of his virtue.” Bucky said with a shrug. Everyone should be more concerned about Bucky’s virtue, considering how he was drooling after Rogers.

* * *

The next day Bucky decided to wear his blue suit for the first time. He was absolutely not hoping all day to run into Rogers and voluntarily frequented the elevators all the time. Nope, he was not pathetic. Okay, he was. 

However, Instead of running into Rogers, he met Wilson in the elevator. Wilson asked how the internship was going, but they only had a short time to talk and Bucky had to keep himself from asking about Rogers. Nobody needed to know how pathetic Bucky was. 

Sadly by the end of the day, Bucky hadn’t run into Rogers even once, so now on his way out of the building he was a bit crestfallen.

“So, that’s the blue suit in real life.” Bucky startled turned around to look at Rogers with wide eyes. 

The man was standing in front of him in the entrance hall. Jacket in his arm and his sleeves rolled up so that Bucky could see the veins on his underarms and the muscles straining his shirt. Bucky wanted to tug Rogers closer with his tie and kiss him, even if that was terrible clichéd. And inappropriate, can’t forget that it was also totally inappropriate. 

“Uh- Oh! Yeah. You like it?” Bucky hadn’t just said that, had he? Oh no, he had. 

Rogers was smiling, showing his laughter lines. “Yes. I do.”  _ Urgh! _ “Blue really suits you.”  _ Ngh!  _

“Thank you?” Bucky squeaked. 

“In fact, I think this blue is maybe even a bit too dark. Not generally but it’s summertime. Maybe go with some kind of azure next. Or an even lighter blue. You know, the lighter the color, the more it would bring out the color of your eyes.” Bucky felt like he was dying.

“That so?”, Bucky was sure his voice was still too high.“Yes, maybe even some baby blue.” No, Bucky was really dying. But he was dying happily because he now knew how Rogers said ‘ _ baby’ _ . 

“Right.”, Bucky said, desperately trying to not make a fool of himself. “I’d like to come with you on Saturday! I mean not running, but yeah. Peter would come with me.” 

“Parker? Okay, sure. We have to figure out when and where to meet. My car is normally parked here at Stark Industries. And if I would drive into Brooklyn we would use too much time.” 

“Right. Of course. Well, I’d have to ask Peter, but Pietro and I could come to Manhatten. No problem.”

“We’ll figure it out. Are you leaving now?”

“Uh yeah. On my way to the metro station actually.”

“Well then, let’s go together,” Rogers started moving towards the entrance. 

Bucky scrambled to follow. Or maybe he was deliberately walking a few steps behind the man, to have an unobscured view of that ass. Rogers wasn’t wearing his jacket after all and these suit trousers did that ass justice. 

“So what are you and Parker planning to do? Hiking?” Rogers asked while they walked. 

“A bit yes. Mostly Peter wants to take pictures. He is into photography, you know. Nature is a good motive, right?” 

“Sure. I love to paint landscapes, it’s my favorite motive. Okay not true, that was and is and always will be the Brooklyn Bridge.” Rogers’ grin was mesmerizing. He looked happy. Maybe even somewhat boyish. Bucky saw the light. 

“You’re taking the A or C, right?” Rogers asked as they entered the metro station.

“Uh- yes?”, Rogers just nodded and a short moment later Bucky found himself standing next to Rogers on a full train. Close enough to smell him again, even if it was only faint. Earthy with an underlying sweetness. Bucky kind of hoped it would get even fuller so that he could get away with pressing himself closer. Absimetly Bucky noticed that the man had eyelashed to kill for. 

“You and Paker should bring food and drinks, we’ll be up there for a while.” Bucky needed a moment to figure out that Rogers was talking about Saturday. 

“Yeah, sure. You’ve been trail running with Pietro before?”

“Well, Clint told me that Pietro wanted to run the New York City Marathon and asked if I could take him under my wing. He told me that Pietro was good at sprinting but had no idea how to pace himself.”

Bucky laughed at that. “My words! Back in the days when I started him on running, he would always tell me I was too slow and that I should hurry up, but after half the time he was wheezing and getting a stitch.”

“That’s still him. No patience at all. But as long as I pace for him it was working out rather well. Then I noticed that Pietro barely paid attention to his surroundings. You’re not running a marathon alone and I saw collisions and injuries before my inner eye.” Rogers frowned at that. How could a person be so kissable while frowning?

“And so you started him on trail running because he has to pay attention to where he steps? He must have hated that.” Bucky grinned. 

“Oh, he did. But then I dared him and now he wants to prove me wrong. Also, I started easy, you know. We run along the Hudson River away from the crowd and went up in the Bronx to run. If I think he can manage Bear Mountain, then I’m taking him to the other side of the river to Camp Smith next.”

“So you’re upping the toughness level all the time. Is he aware of it?”

“Oh I’m sure he is, but I think I unlocked ambition born out of frustration. I mean this Saturday he will have to deal with not only a new terrain but also people. It’s a Saturday, Bear Mountain will not be empty. Not my problem if he didn’t think about that.” Rogers grinned at that. There was a glint in his eyes, that made Bucky’s breath stock for a moment.

“That’s mean!”

“Mean? Now come on, I only want what is best for Pietro.” Rogers smiled at him as if he was trying to look as innocent as possible. The way the corner of his mouth twitched up didn’t make it believable at all.

“Of course. Don’t we all.” Bucky grinned back. 

“Anyway, this is my stop. See you on Saturday at the latest. We still have to figure out where to meet by the way.” 

Bucky said goodbye and watched the door close behind Rogers. Then he groaned. He had just wasted a perfect excuse to get Rogers’ phone number, hadn’t he? 

So instead, he messaged Nat to ask when they could go shopping again. Bucky had to hunt down some blue suits. 


	8. Eight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky and Peter end up looking like they got mauled by a bear but they had fun, so who cared. Well, Steve did. 
> 
> The next week Bucky had an uncomfortable encounter that left him reeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm nearly finished with that damn paper. I can smell freedom!!!  
> I was asked how long this fic will be. Well, Slightest Touch is going to have 14 chapters and then I'll probably do a second part 😅
> 
> WARNING: There is going to be an incident in the second part of this chapter that involves Homophobia and an assault.  
> Be wary when Bucky starts calling Dr. Banner and maybe skip to 'SHIELD's office was on a lower floor'.

* * *

“No! We are not listening to the Lana del Rey album! It’s bad enough that Wanda is singing Once Upon A Time all day long. I absolutely blame you, by the way, you were the one to drag her into Maleficent!” Pietro exclaimed as they sat inside Roger’s car on Saturday. 

Bucky pouted, he hadn’t even suggested it. Yet.

“Be niece, Pietro,” Rogers said with a grin that was more of a smirk. 

With a huff, Pietro crossed his arms. “I’m sitting in the front, the control over the radio is mine” 

Pietro seemingly was in a bit of a mood. Bucky rolled his eyes and started to ruffle Pietro's hair from behind while Peter looked along with amusement. 

“How many cameras did you bring?”, Bucky asked him and pointed at the back.

“I only have one? But there is a little tripod, some lenses,” Peter shrugged sheepishly.

“So to say it simply, you’re loaded.” 

Peter looked embarrassed. “Well, I have to figure out how the light is. Make some trail pictures when I’m there…”

“You can leave the rest in the car if you want. I can leave the keys with you,” Rogers said from the front. 

“Oh, that’s very nice of you Mr. Rogers,” Peter said with a smile.

Pietro immediately started laughing. “Mr. Rogers? Oh, that is good. But I’m not calling you that while you’re chasing me through the forest, Steve.” 

Rogers groaned. “Yeah no. Right. I’m not a teacher on a school trip or something. I’m Steve, okay? No formalities when we are not at work.” 

Steve. Bucky said in his mind. Steve. Steve. Steve. 

_ Steve _ then ripped into Pietro while they drove along the Palisade Interstate Parkway. It seemed to be one of their usual trails. Bucky listened gleefully while Steve shared some embarrassing stories. Pietro’s mood seemed to sour even more, but it was worth it. And Bucky wasn’t the one who had to run with him later. 

Peter seemed to relax during the ride as well. Suddenly starting to ask questions about Bear Mountain that Rog- Steve(!) answered willingly. They even talked about Fort Montgomery and the revolution. And West Point.

“Did you go to West Point?” Pietro tossed into their conversation. 

“Ha. No, I hadn’t really planned to join the military, you know. After 9/11 I finished my studies and then went to the OCS down in Georgia.” 

“Georgia? I only ever left New York City and its surroundings once. For a school trip to Washington DC,” Peter said in wonder.

“That makes me the only one who hasn’t been to DC, I suppose,” Pietro said nonchalantly. 

“Well, Peter and I have never left American soil.”, Bucky interjected, he didn’t really want to think about his time in DC.

“I was born in Sokovia! Of course, I was out of the country,” Pietro shot back.

“You’re from Sokovia?” Peter asked with barely hidden curiosity. 

Pietro didn’t hold back with the information about growing up in a war-torn environment. Not to mention that Peter was a fan of Tony Stark and Pietro most certainly was not. Steve luckily interjected when it became too heated and graphic.

When they reached Bear Mountain it seemed that Pietro finally understood his doom. “It’s packed!” he said disgruntled as they left the car. 

Bucky looked at Steve, who met his eyes with a big grin. He even winked at Bucky! 

“Alright. So the car will be our meeting place. Oh, you guys got a compass and a map? I’m not sure if you want to stay on the trails while taking pictures,” Rogers asked while opening the trunk. 

Bucky shook his head as he hadn’t even thought about that. But Peter nodded. “Good. You both know how to use it, yes?” 

“Yep,” Peter said and Bucky nodded. There weren’t that many things his father had managed to teach him before dying, but reading a compass had been one of them.

“Good. You’re ready, Pietro?” Steve said while adjusting his running bag. Pietro shot him a glare, still cursing how the park was full of people. Steve looked at Bucky with amusement again, before the duo said goodbye.

“Alright, where are we going?” Peter asked as he shouldered his bag after taking some test pictures and sorting out his equipment. 

“Your decision, I’m learning about photography, remember?” 

Somehow Bucky hadn’t thought that would end up with him crawling through the undergrowth. Or spending minutes in strange positions, looking for the sun or the light without really looking at it. At least he had cleverly decided on wearing long pants.

But it was quite fascinating how different Peter made him see things. From landscapes to little things and details. Who would have thought that simple rocks could make a good picture? The kid also had a bit of luck with running into spiders. Not that Peter himself minded at all. But Bucky did!

Peter even made him pose for pictures. Bucky had been hesitant, so Peter made him face away from the camera or hid him in the shadows. Exposure was a great tool, as Bucky learned. And yes, his StarkPhone had a great camera. All in all, Bucky was having fun.

The problem with all this crawling and climbing? They ended up with scratches and scrapes nearly everywhere. Most were only shallow, but Bucky ended up with one red bleeding line on his left hand, and Peter had scratched up his right elbow. So they decided enough was enough and made their way back down the mountain, shooting some more pictures at the lake without the danger of getting more bruised. 

As they had the key, Bucky and Peter had to be around to open the car for the others, so they kept an eye out for them. Pietro wore a bright pastel blue shirt that Bucky saw from afar. “Water! I’m going to die. Water!” considering Pietro was still shouting Bucky was sure he would be fine. 

Instead, he looked at Steve, who had a big grin on his face. His short hair, normally neatly styled back, was a mess that clung to his forehead with sweat. Droplets of sweat were running down. Bucky followed a beat that was running down his temple, cheek, and neck until it vanished in his shirt. The grey shirt was sweat-soaked as well, clinging to his body and showing just how in shape the man was.

Bucky swallowed and only Pietro's whines made him remember he had the car key and should probably press a button. Pietro made a dash for the water bottles like he was dying of thirst. 

“You should really learn to ration your water,” Steve said with an amused smile. He brushed his hair back as he drank some water himself, Bucky watched him swallow keenly. Another sweat bead was running down his neck. It should be gross but Bucky just wanted to lick it away. 

But then Steve stopped grinning as he looked closer at the two of them. “What the hell happened to you two?” 

“Well, we crawled through the forest?” Bucky answered with a wide grin. Sure he was a bit scratched up, but he had been having fun. He hadn’t really been out in nature since he left Xavier’s school.

“Yeah. You look like it. Look like you got mauled by a bear and not just crawled through Bear Mountain. Please tell me you at least cleaned the wounds,” Steve muttered.

“Washed ourselves in the restroom right after we got back. It’s nothing deep, just shallow scraps,” Peter tried to reassure him. Even so, Steve didn’t look all that impressed with them and grabbed a first aid kit out of the car to patch them up himself.

Bucky had to force himself to breathe normally as Steve inspected the cut on his hand. It had stopped bleeding by now and was the only real hit the mountain got on him. In Bucky’s opinion, Steve was overdoing it a bit with his spray and bandages, but he and Peter just silently let him do as he pleased. It was kind of nice to know that Steve cared. 

“Okay, fine. That should be enough. Pietro and I are going to go fresh up and change clothes. Why don’t you go grab the blanket and get us a place on the grass by the lake,” Steve said, finally satisfied with his work. 

Peter and Bucky carried the icebox with the blanket on top towards a free space of grass. Because yes, they were having a picnic.While Peter and he were looking through their pictures the others joined them again. Pietro slumped down on the blanket still whining.

“You didn’t break him, right?” Bucky asked while giving Pietro’s leg a slight kick.

“No. He is just whining to get some sympathy,” Steve said with a grin. The man was now wearing a red henley shirt with the buttons undone. Something that immediately distracted Bucky. And wait. Was that another tattoo? On the freaking collarbone? Something written, but Bucky couldn’t make out more. 

But that reminded him of the other tattoo he had seen when training with SHIELD. The sleeves of the henley were shorter and when he looked at Steve’s right arm he could make out wood panels. Some kind of walkway? A railing and ropes, no probably cables, because Bucky now had a suspicion what the tattoo showed. 

“Hey! It was exhausting, okay? And there were so many people!” Pietro’s words got Bucky back to the here and now, before he did something stupid, like pull off Steve’s shirt, or something.

“Now come on. It’s not that warm and sunny today, it could have been worse.” Steve interjected. 

“Yeah yeah. That’s what you always say. Anyway, I’m starving, where is the food?”, Pietro made wiggling motions to get closer to the icebox. Bucky rolled his eyes but got the food out, he was a bit hungry himself.

They ate mostly in silence. Pietro eating like he was starving, while Steve was sitting down on Peter’s other side to look at the pictures while eating. Eventually, after they had eaten most of the food, Bucky got one last container out of the box. Pietro took one look at the goods inside and got up excited “You made chocolate muffins? Guys, guys, you’re in for a treat!” 

“What this about chocolate muffins?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow as he looked up from the camera. 

“Bucky makes these chocolate muffins that are also half brownies. They are so amazing! It’s his strongest weapon for bribery.”

“Bribery?”, Steve asked amused. “Who are you trying to bribe today?”

“It’s not just bribery, it’s also a thank you. It’s just meant as dessert!”, Bucky said blushing slightly.

“Alright. I’m intrigued, give me one.”, Steve held out a hand. 

What Bucky hadn’t thought through was that Steve would eat one. Which was stupid in retrospect, because that is why he made them, to begin with, but now? What if the man didn’t like them or something?! Bucky held his breath as Steve bit into one.

“Oh. Yeah. This is chocolate alright. Feels like it’s melting on my tongue.” Bucky breathed out again, seemed like Steve liked them. Crisis averted.

“Yeah. It’s really good but it’s also really messy,” Peter decided as he tried to minimize the smear around his mouth. 

“This is pure sin, don’t worry about how you look while you eat it,” Pietro shot back, he already had brown streaks on his face.

Bucky just laughed “I have wipes for the kids who don’t know how to eat.” Pietro kicked his leg in retaliation. 

Now being full and feeling light and happy, Bucky laid down on the blanket and closed his eyes. This had been a really good day.

“Don’t fall asleep,” Pietro kicked him again.

“Why not?” Bucky whined, eyes still closed. 

“Because!” 

“You still have too much energy, Piet. Peter wanted to go down to the Hudson for some more pictures. Why don’t you join him and leave me in peace.” 

Piero grumbled about being too exhausted but left with the other boy nonetheless. Enjoying the breeze Bucky closed his eyes again and really dozed off for a moment. 

Waking up slowly he blinked at the sunlight and listened to the birds. Rolling himself on the side, he noticed that a sports jacket had been thrown over him. Too big to be Pietro's, so it must be Steve’s jacket. 

Seeing the opportunity, Bucky curled up and pulled the jacket up a bit until his nose was underneath. Now he could breathe in the smell totally unsuspicious. It wasn’t the smell he had started to associate with Steve. So the earthy sweet smell was probably his perfume. The jacket smelled fresh, like detergent, with just a hint of something else that must be Steve. 

“Awake again?” he heard an amused voice. Steve’s voice. Steve who hopefully hadn’t realized that Bucky was smelling his jacket like a pervert. 

“Uh. Yeah. Thanks for the jacket?” 

“Yeah, just thought it isn’t that warm today,” the man said with a shrug and an easy smile. There was a warm feeling in Bucky’s belly. Steve was just so considerate, taking care of Bucky. His left hand twitched reflexively, reminding Bucky of the bandage Steve had applied earlier. 

Oh. Oh! Bucky breathed in deep to center himself. Because Steve wasn’t just hot, he was also kind. And these warm feelings inside Bucky had nothing to do with being thirsty, no that was another can of worms. Shit. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall asleep on you,” Bucky stated, to get his mind back from where it was going. 

“It’s alright.”, Steve said and waved with the book he was reading.

“What are you reading?” Steve tilted the book to the side, so Bucky could see the cover. The Hobbit. “Oh, the last movie is coming later this year, isn’t it?”

“Is it? I’m not much off a moviegoer so I don’t know.” Steve shrugged carelessly. 

“Really? You didn’t watch them? The two other Hobbit films, I mean?” Bucky asked astonished. He himself often dragged somebody to the movie theatres. Wanda and he watched Disney together and occasionally Wanda would make him watch a romance. And Nat was his go-to person for action movies, Pietro often ready to tag along. 

“No. I guess when the third one is out I’ll watch them all at home. But I watched the Lord of the Ring films in theater, however.”

This made Bucky blink. “All of them?” he asked with notable surprise. 

“Yes?”, Steve looked at him with one eyebrow raised. 

Bucky hummed, feeling a bit jealous. “I wanted to see Return of the King in the theaters, but my granny said I was too young. But I got the DVDs for Christmas a year later.” 

Now Steve was the one that stocked. “Too young? Wait, how old were you?”

“Uh. 11? When the last movie came out,” Bucky said sheepishly. 

“Oh. Oh! This is surreal. I’m really old, am I not?” Steve let his head fall to the ground with a groan. 

Bucky bit his lips, not sure what to say. He didn’t think Steve was old, sure he was 13 years older but that wasn’t old. But it was a helpful reminder, to Bucky that he was young, too young. Not to mention that Steve was literally the boss of his sister and sort-of-father. Thirsting had been one thing but a butterfly-infested stomach was something else. 

* * *

As Mr. Stark was gone as well, Peter spent the next two weeks with Dr. Banner. But Bucky was still the only authorized message boy for Dr. Banner, so the next Wednesday found him running an errand.

He met a colleague in the elevator, that he knew from last week’s appointment. She asked about Vision and if they had landed safely in Norway, she held the door open for him as they talked. Bucky asked how things were going with this or that project and she, in turn, inquired after his new appointment. Finally, she said goodby, and Bucky went further into the department, for his delivery. 

A door later he swiped his ID-card, but it didn’t open. Had he forgotten something Vision showed him last week? He tried again and saw the display flash an  _ Access denied _ . Huh? 

Buchy went back to the door before only to find out he couldn’t open it either. Well shit. With a sigh, he dialed Dr. Banner to get some help.

But then a guy from SHIELD opened the door. “I got a message that somebody is trying to open doors, that he has no clearance for?”

Well SHIELD seemed to be efficient. Bucky stopped the phone call and smiled at the guy. “Hey. Yeah, that’s me. I-” He couldn’t finish because the next moment he was pressed against the wall. 

It happened so fast that Bucky was still trying to figure out what was going on when the guy started bombarding him with questions. Not that he let Bucky get a word in. The only thing he really managed to say was his name. 

All the while the guy patted him down. Bucky was already uncomfortable enough and froze when the guy, who had still not identified himself, reached Bucky’s chest and stocked. There was just something in the guy’s eyes that made Bucky’s stomach drop. 

“What’s this? Nipple piercings? A guy with nipple piercings can only be one thing. You’re a filthy faggot?” If that wasn’t already enough, the guy twisted one of the piercings. Tears sprang up in Bucky’s eyes and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Just what was happening? 

“Oh? Are you gonna cry like a little girl? But you must like a bit of pain, you like it up your ass after all. Disgusting piece of shit.” With another twist, the guy finally let go of his nipple. 

It wasn’t the pain that got Bucky, he could deal with pain. It was the suddenness of it that gut-punched him. Humiliation. Fear. He was not safe. Not safe. Bucky started to struggle, but that made the guy only hold him tighter. So tight it hurt. And he couldn’t breathe, and it wasn’t safe. 

“Nothing to say? Well, off we go to SHIELD’s office to figure out what to do with you.” The guy said as he dragged Bucky along. 

His legs felt like jelly as he stumbled along. His brain was working overtime, but at the same time, it was empty. Adrenalin was pumping through his system, but he also felt like he was going to faint. Frozen and hyperaware. People were staring and Bucky just wanted to vanish. He was going to be sick. 

But he followed without protest. Not only because his throat had closed up and he wasn’t capable of getting a word out, but also because he knew from experience to not resist. Fighting would only make it worse. Just let it happen and hope that it will be over soon without too much damage. 

SHIELD’s office was on a lower floor, Bucky noticed absently while being dragged inside. He was numb and only half realizing what was going on. He thought he saw Klein out of the corner of his eyes, before being pushed into a small conference room. Bucky was locked inside, while the guy went to get “a superior”.

Said superior was a bald man with glasses that introduced himself as Jasper Sitwell. The man sat down in front of Bucky, while the guy that dragged him in leaned against the wall and glared. Bucky didn’t know up from down. Didn’t know what was going on. What happened? What was happening?

“As I see, you are a summer intern, Mr. Barnes. We take trespassing very seriously here. You could get fired for that.” 

Bucky felt like he hadn’t blinked since being pressed against the wall. It just felt so surreal. More like dreaming. Bad dreaming. Nightmare. Because it didn’t make sense. He should have clearance. And even if not, why had the guy pressed him against the wall right away? Bucky could have explained everything. But now his mouth wasn’t able to form words. 

“Work with me here, Mr. Barnes. Do you have any good reason why you were on a floor you had no clearance for?” A moment of silence, while Bucky still tried to comprehend. His ears were ringing.

“Okay. You’re choosing to stay silent? So you had no good reason and were truly trespassing? And this packet that Mr. Ward found with you. Where did you get it? Did you steal it?” 

Bucky could only think that he shouldn’t have hushed through that open door. All of this wouldn’t have happened if he had noticed the missing clearance at that moment. Or that he shouldn’t have ended the call with Dr. Banner. Because Dr. Banner would be able to explain, explain that Bucky should have clearance, that it was his packet, that Bucky hadn’t stolen it! 

“What is going on here?” All three of them startled when the door opened and Steve stepped in. But this was more Mr. Rogers. Suited up with his eyes furrowed. He looked so angry and Bucky flinched away.

“Mr. Rogers! I wasn’t aware you were here this week.” Mr. Sitwell said while standing up, before pointing at Bucky. “We found this summer intern sneaking around floors he had no clearance for. And he seems to have stolen this.” 

If anything Mr. Rogers looked more furious and the tone in his voice made Bucky clench up. “This summer intern? You mean James Barnes. Are you serious right now?! Klein, accomplish Mr. Barnes to my office and wait there for me.” 

Klein touched him lightly and guided him out of the room. Bucky stumbled but went along. He still felt sick, like a pitch had opened up inside his stomach and was twisting it up. 

Steve's office had an unobscured view of Central Park, even if it wasn’t high up. The sky was blue and the leaves green. It looked so peacefully outside, that it threw Bucky off.

He blinked and went further into the office. It was spacious. A true boss’ office. A couch with a small coffee table was right in front of him. To his left was a big office desk, facing the room with two chairs in front of it. 

“Are you okay, Barnes?” Klein asked him hesitantly. Bucky turned towards him, even though he didn’t really know how to react. He just stood there motionless until his eyes started to wander again. 

The whole wall with the door was a big shelf. But what caught Bucky’s attention were the pictures. He picked one up with shaking hands. It must be Steve years ago, scrawny, already tall but without any of the buff. Next to him stood a smaller woman. Blond hair, same nose. His mother probably. He put the picture back down to look at the others. 

A picture of him with two guys in suits that. Oh. Looked like the guys had married. It still threw Bucky of that same-sex couples could marry now. A picture of a woman with a little girl. The same woman in a wedding dress with what must be her husband. The picture that held his attention the longest was of a black guy and Steve in combat uniforms somewhere in the desert. Because Steve was wearing a beard. A beard. 

Bucky shook his head and went on. He wasn’t in the mood to think about how handsome Steve was with a beard. He found a picture of Steve’s marriage. His wife was gorgeous. Peggy. Her name was Peggy… had been Peggy?

There was an empty spot on the shelf that stood out. A missing frame. Bucky noticed one frame on Steve’s desk. Placed right in the middle, on top of the closed laptop. Like it had been put down hastily. 

Klein stepped closer as Bucky neared the desk. But he wasn’t interested in the papers, he just wanted to pick up the frame. It was Steve’s wife again. Peggy. Curly hair, red lips, and she looked so happy. Looked at somebody. Steve most likely. A little heart pendant and a stunning red dress. It was like the frame was too small for the picture. The picture should be bigger, a framed poster on the wall. 

The office door opened and Bucky was startled when Steve stepped in. “Klein, could you check the system? I want to know where Mr. Barnes clearance went.”

“Of course, sir.” Klein looked at Bucky shortly, giving him a tiny smile before he went out the door. When the door closed behind him there was a moment of silence. Bucky looked at Steve. At Mr. Rogers. His throat closed up again. 

When Mr. Rogers made a step forward and opened his mouth, Bucky panicked. “She was beautiful! Your wife... I mean,” his voice was hoarse and he waved the frame in his hand like an idiot.

Mr. Rogers stopped in his track and his mouth snapped shut. Then it twisted to a sad smile. For a moment Bucky thought Steve was about to cry he looked so anguished as he quietly said “Yeah, yeah...She was.”

Bucky immediately felt like an asshole. Distracting Steve with his dead wife, just because he didn’t want to talk about what had happened. “Sorry. I didn’t -” 

“No, no. It’s okay. It’s just- She died today... Five years ago.” Congratulation Bucky, you are an asshole. A giant asshole. 

“I’m sorry- I-,” but Bucky didn’t even know what to say. 

Steve gave him a little smile. “It’s okay. I- Normally I’m not here this week. I would be in London, with her family. She is buried there. Visit the grave and- But Sharon is starting school this year and I thought going there in September would be better.” 

“Sharon?” Bucky found himself asking. 

“My niece.” Steve picked up the picture with the little girl. “She is Michael's daughter. He was Peggy’s brother.” The past-tense made a shiver run down Bucky’s back. They descended into silence again. 

The silence made Bucky’s brain cycle back to why he was here. His throat closed up again. His hands started trembling again and he put Peggy’s picture down hastily. Before he would let it fall or something. Could be something that would happen to him today.

Bucky hugged himself in the hope it would stop him from trembling. Make him feel less exposed, he missed his jacket but he had left that at Dr. Banner’s office. With a cracked voice, Bucky asked. “So, what’s going to happen to me now?”

“Happen to you?” Bucky couldn’t believe that Rogers was mocking him. Tears of humiliation welt up in his eyes again. 

“Hey, Bucky, hey.” Absently Bucky realized that this was the first time Steve had used his name, as the man stepped closer and put a hand on his shoulder, Bucky burst into tears. He wanted to sink to his knees, make himself small and vanish into the ground.

Strong arms drew him back up. “Hey. Shh. Nothing's going to happen to you. It’s alright.” 

Bucky was pressed into a warm body, felt the muscles press against him. Smelt the earthy smell and Bucky pressed his nose into the neck taking a deep breath in. Then he stopped hugging himself and instead clung to Steve. 

The man grunted but didn’t push him away, kept hugging him. Bucky followed when Steve moved backward. Unwilling to let go of him, unwilling to realize what he was doing. Maybe he could hide away in these arms forever. 

Steve was still making shushing noises so it was okay, right? The man wasn't pushing Bucky away, instead, he was pulling him along until they reached the couch. And even then he pulled Bucky down with one arm as well. Steve clearly meant for Bucky to sit down beside him, but Bucky was so far gone that he simply crawled into the man’s lap and hid his crying face in the neck. 

The smell was comforting. Earthy, but maybe it smelled a bit like wood as well. However, the best part was still the sweetness underneath it. He also recognized the smell of the detergent again. There was a sharper fresh smell coming from Steve’s hair and underneath it, all was the smell that was Steve. 

Arms wrapped around his back and pulled him closer. One hand was making soothing circles at Bucky’s neck, while the man was still making shushing noises. With eyes closed, Bucky slowly felt his trembling body relax. He was safe. 


	9. Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint was not amused. No one was amused, causing Kate to commit a clear case of bribery. 
> 
> Bucky has a little outburst and Clint casually mentioned something big.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, half of this chapter wasn't in my original draft. Oops?

* * *

Bucky had no idea where he was when he opened his eyes. He didn’t know the ceiling and lowered blinds only left a small amount of sunlight into the room. He sat up on an unfamiliar couch and a jacket fell into his lap. It was not his jacket. His left chest hurt. When he touched it with caution his nipple flared up in pain. 

“Hey.” Bucky startled at the voice and looked over. Steve. The man sat behind his desk but now stood up and moved closer, making Bucky realize that the jacket in his lap was Steve’s because the man was only clad in a white shirt. 

Blinking disorientated Bucky tried to recall how he ended up here. He had been delivering something for Dr. Banner, right? And-oh. Oh! 

“How are you feeling?” Steve said as he stood in front of him. Bucky didn’t know how to interpret the other man’s expression. It looked like he was smiling while also frowning. Was he angry at Bucky? Annoyed? 

Not knowing what to say Bucky simply shrugged in answer, before ducking his shoulder and stared at his own hands. He had crawled into the man’s lap like a baby, how embarrassing was that? 

There was a sigh and Bucky saw Steve getting a chair and sitting down on the other side of the coffee table. “Listen, I’m sorry for what happened. I’m still trying to find out what happened. You only had clearance for July onwards. Bru- Dr. Banner’s second E-Mail announcing Vision’s absence and that you needed clearance earlier…”

Steve rubbed his eyebrows with a troubled look. “Somehow the Email can’t be found anymore. At least not on SHIELD’s side. I don’t know if there was just an oversight if the Email was accidentally deleted or… I don’t know. But I’m looking into it.” 

“Oh. Okay.” Bucky said numbly as he watched his fingers play with Steve’s jacket.

The awkward silence between them was disturbed by loud voices outside of the office. With another frown, Steve got up and opened the door.

“Hey, I’m sorry, okay?! I was only in the room for a few minutes or something. Going with what Ward had told me, that he found a summer intern on a floor he had no clearance for. Said summer intern wasn’t talking, what should I have thought, hm? Had he just opened his mouth it would have been fine. And I didn’t realize that James was Bucky.”

Realizing that they were talking about him, Bucky stood up and slowly moved closer to the door. Hiding behind Steve’s broad figure, Bucky hesitantly peered out of the door. He felt nearly breathless with relief when he saw Clint glaring at the bald man with glasses from earlier. 

“Really? You’re telling me you weren’t able to recognize my son, Jasper? There are pictures of him on my desk and you weren’t able to tell it was Bucky? We’ve been sharing an office for nearly a year now!” Clint looked like he was about to punch the other man. And did he just call Bucky his son in front of the whole office? 

“Calm down!”, Wilson was there as well, settling a hand on Clint’s shoulder to hold him back. Clint was fuming but didn’t make a move forward. 

“Sitwell, go back to your office. Clint, come here.” Steve said with a calm voice making the other people look at him.

“Better take a good look at these pictures,” Clint spat out but moved towards them. The moment his eyes landed on Bucky they immediately softened. With a few quick steps and Steve moving out of the ways hastily, Bucky was engulfed in Clint’s arms. “Hey man.”

“Hey” he mumbled back as he breathed in the familiar scent and relaxed. Was it wrong to feel like everything would be okay, now that Clint was here? 

Clint didn’t let go and pushed him backward until Bucky was back on the couch and the man kneeled down in front of him. “You’re okay?” 

Even if Clint made it better he still felt off and his chest still hurt as well. But he didn’t really know how to explain that to Clint, he didn’t want to cause any more trouble. Therefore Bucky again only shrugged and didn’t look Clint directly in the eyes. 

Letting out a heavy sigh Clint’s face turned serious. “I’m sorry Bucky, but I need to ask this. I looked at the surveillance videos. However, you were outside the camera angle when Ward made contact. But on the video from the elevator, you looked… out of it. And I was told you weren’t talking, not saying one single word. And that really concerns me, so Bucky, please tell me what happened.”

Bucky’s throat closed up and he crossed his arms in front of him, laying the palms protectively over his chest. Clint put his hands on Bucky’s knees. “Bucky please, I need to know.”

“Well, I slipped in with a colleague I knew from last week. That was wrong, I guess, but I didn’t think about it. At the next door, I had no clearance and when I walked back I couldn’t leave the department either. I started calling Dr. Banner when that guy from SHIELD came, so I hung up. Well, the guy didn’t really let me answer any of his questions and just pushed me against the wall. And when he was patting me down-” Bucky’s voice broke and he didn’t know how to continue. 

On his knees, Clint balled his hands into fists “Go on, Please.”

“Well, he, uh, he noticed the nipple piercings and-, he didn’t approve? I guess.” 

Clint’s face was hard as stone. “What did he say, Bucky? And remember our deal, okay?” 

The deal was quite simple: If Clint asked a question Bucky had to answer truthfully or refuse to answer. They had made it after Bucky left Xavier’s school and came back to New York.

Bucky swallowed and absently played with Steve’s jacket that was still laying next to him. Now refusing to answer was a bit of an overreaction, right? This was not half as bad as most of the things Bucky didn’t want Clint to know.

“Well, he, uh, called me, uh, names?” Bucky said lamely, Clint’s raised eyebrow showed how unimpressed he was with that answer. “He called me a faggot and a disgusting piece of shit.” Bucky continued feeling a bit salty.

Clint looked like he needed a moment to process what he had heard while his fists clenched so hard that the knuckles became white. Then he exhaled loudly and relaxed his hands, before looking Bucky dead in the eyes. “Okay. Look at me. You are mot a disgusting piece of shit, got it? If anyone, it’s Ward himself. Thank you for telling me.” 

Not really knowing what to answer to that, Bucky just nodded dumbly. He should stop playing with Steve’s jacket before it was totally wrinkled up or Bucky ruined it somehow. 

“You heard that?”, Clint asked and turned his head to the side. Bucky started when he realized that Steve and Wilson were in the office with them. 

Steve was standing right beside them with hard eyes and a face made of stone. “Yes.” his voice sounded like he had to fight to stay calm. 

“Yes.” Wilson sounded more controlled, perfectly neutral, from where he was standing in front of the office door with arms crossed. “Did anything else happen?”

Tensing up, Bucky’s hands went up to his chest again. Clint’s eyes immediately focused on him, until he felt like prey being watched by a hawk. “Bucky?” 

“I- He- Uh. When he felt the piercings, he, uh- he gave it a twist?” 

“He what?!” Clint looked at him with a shocked face.

“Twisted the piercing?” Bucky said again, feeling unsure. 

Clint’s eyes looked ready for murder but he took a deep breath to calm himself. “Does it hurt? Can I please look at it?”

Bucky’s body was tense like a bowstring as his eyes went from Clint to Wilson and Steve and back again. “Here?”

“You don’t have to undress, just open up your shirt, okay? What you- What you just said that- They need to see it too, okay?”

His hands trembled as he undid his buttons. Underneath he wore a white undershirt and the bloodstain on the left side was striking even if it was small. 

There was a harsh exhale coming from Steve and when Bucky looked up at him, his jaw was clenching and there was fury in his eyes. Bucky was ready to curl himself into a ball, but Clint’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “Lift your shirt up, please.”

Biting his lips as tears of humiliation burned in his eyes, Bucky lifted the shirt. He didn’t need to look at it to know that a bruise was forming around his nipple. It was after all called a purple nurple. 

“Does it hurt badly? Do you want some ice?” Wilson asked as he stepped closer with a concerned face. Bucky blinked at him. Sure, it hurt, but the pain was manageable. Bucky had taken worse. 

Deciding that they had seen enough, Bucky dropped his shirt and buttoned himself up again. There was an awkward silence until Clint hissed. “I better not see Ward ever again, but if I do I’m going to punch his teeth out.”

“You won’t see him in this building again,” Steve said with a hard voice. Looking up again, Bucky saw that Wilson had a hand on Steve’s arm, where tense muscles were straining the shirt. 

“Good. Meanwhile, I’m going to take Bucky home. Sitwell can do my shift, maybe it teaches him to pay more attention in the future.” Clint said and pulled Bucky up, whose eyes deliberately remained on the floor. 

“Where are your things? Do you need anything before we go?” Deciding that talking was too much, Bucky used sign language to ask for his phone and wallet. The asshole had taken them as he patted him down. 

“I’ve got your phone and wallet, anything else?” Bucky shook his head. His bag had nothing really important in it and would be safe in Dr. Banner’s office. 

At the office door, Bucky paused as he realized that there would be people outside. People who had seen him get dragged in. Only Clint gently pushing him forward got him moving again and only because the arm stayed on his shoulder did he keep moving. He would keep his eyes on the floor, endure the moment, and then it would be over. 

“Would you want me to get a car? We don’t have to take the subway.” Clint asked in the elevator and Bucky gladly followed him down into the garage. 

During the car ride, Bucky remained silent as he watched people out of the windows. Clint kept looking at him but thankfully didn’t try to start a conversation. Bucky was just so tired.

Therefore he withdrew to Clin’ts guest bedroom in the basement to hide. Sleep was good. Sleep meant he didn’t have to deal with anything. Not with what happened, not with Clint hovering, not with what would or could happen tomorrow. Sleep was just sleep.

He woke up because someone opened the door and moved closer to the bed. But he kept his eyes shut and didn’t acknowledge it. 

“You moved your leg, Bucky. I know you are awake,” Kate said as she sat down on the bed. Bucky only grumbled in answer, making Kate chuckle. “Come on, sleepyhead. Dinner is ready.” 

“Not hungry,” Bucky muttered into the pillows.

“Hmhm, yeah, I figured you would say that. But if you’re not hungry, you won’t mind me having my cheat day today rather than tomorrow. Scoot over.” Because she was rudely shoving him, Bucky rolled over and watched her settle in the bed with a pint of ice cream. Bucky’s favorite ice cream. Now that was just unfair.

Bur Kate only smiled at his glare and conjured up another spoon. “Or you could just join me in eating this yummy ice cream. That if you decide you’re hungry after all.” Still scowling Bucky sat up and took the spoon. 

“Clint called Xavier’s school.”, Kate said after a while making Bucky freeze with the spoon in his mouth. “Dr. Xavier wasn’t specific, but he said you started talking about something last week, and uh, he thinks it would be a good idea if you would spend the weekend upstate.”

Bucky played with the spoon in his mouth while thinking about it. Talking about Lurkin and Brighton Beach had been hard, but he had felt a tiny bit better afterward. And going back to Xavier’s school was still something that Bucky did once or twice a year. But this year he hadn’t been back even once. He hadn’t had the time this summer break because of the internship. 

“You could even already leave tomorrow,” Kate said as he remained silent. Not that was an idea, that way he would not have to deal with going back to work tomorrow.

“But I don’t think you should. I think you need to go to work tomorrow. Because I know you, you are already thinking about what people are thinking and it’s never anything good with you. And Bucky, if you don’t go tomorrow or on Friday, will you go back on Monday?”

Feeling caught, Bucky fell sideways back into the pillows. Because she was so right, wasn’t she? Even if he didn’t like to admit it.

“But the thing is, Bucky, you did nothing wrong. Wrong was done to you! You shouldn’t be scared of going to work. And I know how much you love this internship, I don’t want this to be ruined for you.”

Bucky grumbled into the pillows in annoyance, because she continued to be right. For a moment Bucky felt like screaming and throwing a tantrum like a baby. He didn’t want to deal with this shit. Why did he have to deal with this shit? Why did this shit always happen to him?

“You don’t have to decide anything right now. But- think about it?

Huffing Bucky sat up again, “No you are right, you know me too well. I need to go back tomorrow.” 

“Okay.”, Kate smiled and ruffled his hair until he was glaring and pouting at the same time. When she started to leave the bed, Bucky grabbed her arm. “Stay?” 

She smiled and waived with the pint. “The ice cream is melting and needs to go back to the freezer. And you and I still need something real to eat. I’ll return with sandwiches or something, okay?” 

* * *

At one point in the night, Nat climbed into bed with them. She was in a foul mood and not very talkative. Also, she was constantly touching him somehow and for someone who didn’t necessarily like touching all that much, that was mildly concerning. And she had packed him a bag for the weekend. 

Announcing that he would go back to work first, was met with a few surprised looks that quickly turned proud. It made Buckys inside squeezy. Like he had just passed a test everyone expected him to fail. Thanks, folks. At least Kate had been honest enough to talk to him.

So instead, Clint would drive him upstate right after work was done. That way he would still have three whole days at Xavier’s school. A plan made, Bucky now had to really actually physically go back to work.

It ended up being rather anticlimactic because no one pestered him with questions. As always the horror scenarios he had made up in his head stayed in his head, but there were a few comments about Stark Industries and especially Ms. Potts, not accepting any form of harassment or other inappropriate workplace behavior. 

Eventually, someone casually mentioned that after Ms. Potts took over, she had been really outspoken about creating an inclusive environment and condemned discrimination. It was then that Bucky came to the realization that his coworkers now knew about his sexual orientation. 

Just as he froze up and panicked at the realization, Steve Rogers entered the room. Causing Bucky’s mind to freeze and explode at the same time, while every conversation in the room stopped. The way everyone looked between him and Rogers was absolutely not suspicious at all. 

Soon after Bucky found himself in a private room with Rogers. He watched the other man with caution. Somehow with the dark suit, red tie, neatly slicked hair, and expensive watch he looked more like a boss than ever before. His forehead wrinkles seemingly had become permanent overnight, the face caught in a frown.

But as Bucky remained silent the serious look became more helpless. Rogers sat down heavily in one of the chairs and rubbed his face tiredly. It made Bucky notice the red and busted knuckles. 

“I don’t really know what to say to you right now. I can only say, I am so sorry. Ward’s behavior was… I do not tolerate behavior that is brutal, harassing, discriminatory, or in any other way inappropriate. I kicked a guy out of my unit for being a racist and a bigot. And I fired Ward immediately after you left yesterday. And I will fire everybody who behaves as he did.” 

Rogers looked up at him with sad eyes, but Bucky still remained silent. What should he even say? It was good that he never had to see Ward again, but it still had happened. How nice that such behavior wasn’t tolerated, it still happened!

“I can not believe that one of my employees displayed such behavior. I have no place for homophobes in my ranks. I’m bisexual myself, I don’t even know why he worked for me if he is so disgusted by it. I didn’t think I hid it and I’m comfortable with my sexuality and-” 

“Well, I’m not.” It slipped out of Bucky’s mouth with a harshness that surprised him. Since Rogers shut up instantly and looked taken aback, Bucky obviously wasn’t the only one.

“I’m not.”, he continued. “I’ve spent the last 3 years slowly getting myself there. Accepting that there is nothing wrong with me, that preferring man doesn’t make me worth any less. My past ex-... ex-partners, or whatever one wants to call them, had the opinion you’re not gay if you don’t bottom. And being gay means you were weaker, you were not as much worth as a  _ normal _ man. And they made me accept that, that there was something wrong with me because I like it up my ass. And I’m still trying to get over that mindset. So I’m not comfortable with my sexuality at all.”

The words just poured out of his mouth and had gotten slightly louder. Rogers’ eyes were wide as he looked up at Bucky completely motionless.

“Earlier this month you and Wilson were the first-... I never came out by myself before, okay? And I only did, because Nat told me your bi and I felt safe to say it, but I was still so fucking scared. So being attacked for it at work was just the thing that I needed.”

Bucky’s vision blurred with tears, but he saw Rogers’ mouth open to a surprised O. His voice had gotten quieter again, losing the anger. 

“And I love this internship. I’m not sure if I ever felt as happy and hopeful for the future as I did the past weeks. And now- now I find myself forcefully outed at work and I’m terrified.” 

For the second time in less than a day, Bucky found himself bursting into tears in front of Rogers. But he was past the point where he gave a fuck, what did it matter anymore. After yesterday. 

“Woha”, Rogers stood up hastily and moved towards him. With an unsure look on his face, he stopped right in front of Bucky. “Can I hug you?”

Instead of answering, Bucky just let himself fall forward until he was engulfed in strong arms and took a hiccuping breath of the slowly becoming familiar scent. 

“Shhh. I’m so sorry. Shhh. It’s okay, it’ll be okay. I know after yesterday this will be hard for you to believe, but you are safe here. No one should treat you like Ward did. Not here, not ever. There is nothing wrong with you at all. You are amazing just the way you are. But should it ever happen again, that’s not on you. That’s not your fault. What they are doing isn’t right and should it happen again, just tell me, okay? Or Bruce, or Clint. Or even Natasha.”

Steve’s hands left warm circles on his back, while the man slowly rocked him like a baby. If it wasn’t also embarrassing Bucky would declare this heaven. 

“Seriously, Natasha called me in the middle of the night after she finished her shift and she was so angry. For a moment I thought I would lose a good employee because she would murder Ward and be sent to prison.”

“As if anyone would ever be able to prove it was her,” Bucky mumbled into the big chest, while slightly pressing into it. He felt a bit calmer already and also uncaring about making a fool of himself. Yesterday had been worse, this was fine.

Against his cheek the chest huffed. “I should not find that funny... “ Then the chest heaved in a big sigh. “But I guess I understand now, why Clint and Natasha really are so angry. And I’m sorry, being outed like that must be pretty bad. I didn’t want to make this any harder on you. I’ll try to find out who decided it was a good idea to divulge your sexuality. I’m sorry.” 

Steve sounded so world-weary and exhausted that it made Bucky feel bad for him. “Well, one the bright side: I don’t have to worry about colleges seeing me at Pride next week and tattling. Cats already out of the back.”

The arms around him tightened for a moment. “Right, Pride is next week. Maybe I should go too. Arnie has been nagging me anyway. And as I just found out, people are questioning my sexuality. Apparently, I can’t be bi because I was married to a woman and the last person I dated was female as well. Or at least that is something I was told yesterday backhandedly. Which just annoys me so much, even if I had only ever dated women if I say I’m bi, I’m bi.” 

“Could make a big picture of yourself at Pride wearing a shirt declaring  _ I’m bi - get over it _ and hang it in the lobby of your office.”

There was a moment of silence before Bucky felt the breath of Steve laughing. “That sounds like something Clint would approve of.”

“You are right, that is a serious possibility. Maybe he would insist to make one with me and hang it in his office.” 

The chest was still vibrating with laughter. “Yes, and he would insist on himself being in it as well, wearing a shirt that says:  _ My son is gay - get over it _ ”, Bucky’s mind stilled. There it was again.  _ My son _ . Sure, Clint and he joked about it, but having an outsider using the term? That was just weird and made it a bit too real. 

“Clint would wrestle Natasha in it as well, wouldn’t he? Sounds like a nice group picture, while I’m all alone in mine.”

“If Nat is in it, so will Kate. And Pietro and Wanda. So we could just make a really big one and you could join us as well.”

“Yeah? Well, I could as Arnie and his husband to join us. Sam has to work but he would otherwise join us in a heartbeat. Wearing a really bright shirt with glitter so that one needs sunglasses to look at him.” Bucky didn’t know Wilson very well, but the image was hilarious and he had to chuckle. 

“Thinking about it, I have these heart-shaped sunglasses. Think they would look good in the picture? They even have pink glasses.”

Bucky was shaking with laughter at the image. Thinking back to the training session he could see the two men grinning in the pictures utterly obnoxious. 

“Believe me, the glasses are utterly hideous. Just to be clear, I didn’t buy them myself, they were a gag gift… Are you feeling better?” Steve slowly moved back with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Yeah. Guess so. Thanks.”, Bucky gave him a tiny smile, a bit sd that they were separating, and rubbed at his eyes. Steve smiled back with a soft look, that made Bucky’s inside swoop.

They were still so close that Bucky noticed that Steve was wearing makeup. Not on his whole face, but there was concealer under his eyes to hide the dark circles.

Looking at the busted knuckles Bucky one of the other man’s hands in his. It looked so big grasp. “What did you do?” 

Steve stiffed before letting out a rueful huff. “I’m sure your day was worse, but I didn’t have a great day either. And in the end, I spent a bit too much time with a punching bag. It’ll heal, don’t worry about it.”

Biting his bottom lip Bucky gave the hand a tiny squeeze. “I’m sorry.” 

“Oh no no no. You’re not apologizing. It’s okay. I just have to figure some stuff out. The firm is growing so fast I apparently can’t catch everything anymore. I thought Sam would help. Well, I mean, he did help! But I guess I’ll have to find another additional manager. Maybe a woman, God knows I don’t have enough working for me. And now I’m telling you things you don’t care about. I’m sorry.” Steve squeezed his hands before letting go with a crooked smile. 

Bucky kept worrying on his bottom lip, thinking about telling Steve that he wouldn’t care about what the man was saying, as long as he was talking to Bucky. But that would be creepy. 

But Steve was at least smiling and looked a bit more relaxed. “Not that all hope is lost, I guess. There also new promising employees like Klein. He got me yesterday when he noticed something was going on. The thing is, he was one of the few people who even knew I was at my office, but also knew that I didn’t want to be disturbed and he still went and got me. I know he is new but maybe I should give him a raise.”

“Oh!” Bucky mumbled, now he couldn’t really give Klein a raise himself, but maybe Bucky should bake Klein muffins? 

* * *

Somehow, Bucky survived the rest of the day. Now he looked silently out of the car window. He was exhausted, having spent the whole day in anticipation of something bad happening. Nothing happened, but waiting for nothing to happen was exhausting as well. Maybe if he looked beat enough and pouted a bit, Professor Xavier would let him sleep the weekend away. 

He looked to his side at Clint, who was driving in silence and letting Bucky brood in peace. But the thinks was, there was something else that had been bugging Bucky all day long. 

“Yesterday…”, he started to get Clint’s attention. “Yesterday when you were shouting at the bald guy… you called me your son in front of your whole office. And earlier today when I was talking to Steve, he called me your son as well.” It was not really a question, but his voice still portrayed his bafflement.

Clint frowned. “What about it? I call you my son all the time.” Not, that’s not helpful at all, Clint.

“Yes, sure, we joke about it. Inside our little makeshift family. But you were using the term in front of other people, having outsiders saying it… I just, isn’t it weird? I mean, I am not really your son.”

For a moment Clint looked stunned before he went back to frowning. “But you are? It was never a joke, Bucky. You are my son. Maybe not in blood or on paper, but you are. I mean, I tried to get custody over you when the foster home closed but was denied. 

Opening and closing his mouth like a fish Bucky was stunned by the vehemence in Clint’s voice, as well as the new information. “Wait, you did?” 

“Of course I did. I got Natasha, but they said newly married and with a child on the way they didn’t think me capable of looking after another teenager.” Clint sounded pissed, while Bucky’s mind went to the possibility of having stayed with Clint instead of von Strucker. 

Sure, he would have never met the twins and that would have been a damn shame, but he would probably never met Lukin either. Stifling a sob, Bucky tried to not start crying again. He had cried enough. 

“Hey. You’re okay?”, Clint asked with worry.

“Yeah. Yeah, I- You never told me? I just- I guess that would have been nice. It’s nice to know that you cared.”

“Nice to know that I cared? Bucky, of course, I cared! I just never told you because I thought it would be mean to tell you about the what-ifs and then you… well. And when you came back it also didn’t seem right. I mean…”, Clint shrugged with a helpless look.

“Oh. I- I don’t know what to say. Other than that you would have made a better guardian than von Strucker ever could dream of being.”

Clint laughed without humor. “How that man got custody of two children is still a mystery to me. Probably because they were war orphans and foreigners so no one cared.” 

They descendant into silence for a moment, before Clint took a deep breath. “Okay. If we are talking about it, I-. If that is ever something you would want, I would adopt you in a heartbeat, okay?”

_ What? Whatwhatwhat??? _ Stunned Bucky looked at Clint as a tight feeling spread in his chest and he had to swallow hard. 

To have a family. On paper. That would be amazing. It’s one of the reasons why he is still so floored by the possibility of gay marriage. One of the reasons why he missed Becca so much. His sister by blood. A _ real  _ sister. No one could say anything against him calling her his sister. Not like with Nat, Wanda, or Pietro where he always felt like he had to specify that they were his foster siblings. 

But Clint was also his, well, gay awakening. And that just made it wrong, right? Bucky was aware of his daddy issues because when his pops had been alive he had felt safe and loved. He thinks it’s reasonable to miss it and want it back. There was a reason why he had been dating guys who had been so much older. Not that that worked out so well. Should one call it even dating?

“You don’t have to say anything. I just- wanted you to know, okay?”, Clint said, showing Bucky that he had stayed silent for too long. But he really didn’t know what to say?! But he had to say something.

“Could Steve join us at Pride next week?”

“Huh?”, Clint looked totally caught off guard. Well, that was pretty random, didn’t it? Bucky felt a bit bad. “We talked earlier and well, he promised to show me a hideous pair of glasses?”

The look Clint gave him showed how unhelpful that comment was, but since Clint was a great guy, he just rolled with it. “Okay? Sure. If that’s what you want, I’ll talk to him.”


	10. Ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The road to recovery entails talking… and baking muffins. Muffins always help. 
> 
> Also, there are rainbow stickers and pink heartshaped glasses. Oh, and Loki, let’s not forget about Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because Loki is the reason this took so long, he was being his annoying charming self. 
> 
> WARNING: Mentions of drug overdose and attempted suicide

* * *

To Bucky’s joy, Logan convinced Professor Xavier to let him stay up late to watch the stars and then also let him sleep till noon. That didn’t mean Dr. Xavier would just let him laze around and forget why he was here, so with a whiny “Yes, Professor X,” he pushed the man’s wheelchair towards the office. 

“Why are you all always calling me Professor. I’m not a Professor!” the man said with pretended annoyance. 

“Yes, but Dr. X sounds like you are the villain and that’s just not right. And sure, this isn’t a university but you are still teaching us, right? Besides, I didn’t come up with the name!”

“No, that was Eric back when we founded this school,” Xavier said with a wistful smile as he looked at a picture in his office. 

Bucky had been so shocked when he saw a younger Erik Lehnsherr standing next to Professor Xavier in said picture. Arms around each other’s shoulders, looking happy and smiling widely. Bucky couldn’t remember seeing Lehnsher with a smile like that and wasn't even sure if the man ever smiled. Not to mention that this picture was taken before the accident that confined Xavier to a wheelchair. 

Curious Bucky had enquired about Lehnsherr. It had been slow work as everyone was hesitant to part with information but he had found out that Lehnsherr and Xavier, together with Xavier’s adoptive sister Raven Darkholme, had come up with the idea for the school.

There had been an accident during constriction that left Xavier paralyzed, and Bucky found that many blamed Lehnsherr for it even if they didn’t specify why. In the end, Lehnsherr and Xavier’s sister had left and no one had heard from them since then. Not once had Bucky dared to mention that he knew Lehnsherr.

“Where is your mind at, Bucky?” Professor Xavier asked him. Right. Back to therapy. 

Exhausting, that’s what therapy was. But well, Bucky was developing a plan of attack for Monday now. Even if so far it included tracking down Klein to thank him in the form of muffins, the guy deserved them. 

Getting out of the session he had two new messages on his phone. The first was from Vision asking if he could join them for Pride as well. Huh. It seemed like the group got bigger every day, but Professor X said that surrounding himself with supporters was good, so why not. 

The other text was from Natasha, stating that since they would not go shopping tomorrow he better be prepared to make up for it on Monday after work. No arguments! Right, he had forgotten about their planned shopping spree to get more blue suits. Better not mention that to her, however. 

Instead, he sicked her on Klein to figure out if the man was allergic to something. Baking ‘thank you’-muffins that ended up being poisonous was suboptimal. And apparently, Klein was lactose-intolerant. But Bucky could work around that. 

Sunday right after dinner Clint was waiting for him in front of the school to drive him back. They spent the whole drive either in comfortable silence or talking about trivial things, from star constellations to Kate’s scoring at her last archery tournament. 

Only after Clint had parked near Bucky’s apartment complex he said: “So I talked to Steve. And he promised to show you these glasses you two are talking about. However, he also told me that he already has plans with others. Meaning we would have to meet up with his group.” 

“Yeah, he talked about friends of his.” Who are husbands. Husbands!!! 

“Arnie and Michael, yes. But he was also making plans with Thor. Thor is-”

“I know who Thor is, Vision is texting me about his stay in Norway all the time.”

“Yes, okay. But it’s not just Thor… his brother will tack along as well.” 

“Loki? Vision texts about him too. Best text was the one when he was unsure whether Mr. Stark and Loki are flirting or if they hate each other.”

Clint looked like he had bid into a lemon. “Thanks for the image! Ugh. Well, with those two you never know, they are both notorious flirts. But I don’t think they really like each other all that much. They are a bit too alike if you ask me.”

“Right. You know Loki… I don’t want to meet up with them if it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Well, if Thor is babysitting him it should be okay,” Clint grumbled before he signed. “To be fair, I met Loki at the lowest point of his life. I’m told he is mostly on his best behavior lately.” There was a moment of silence while Clint frowned. “You don’t know the story, do you?” 

“I only know you lost your job because of him.”

“I like to simplify it that way, don’t I?... Well okay, so you know I was a bouncer at the Tesseract and in May 2012 this group came by and I just knew they were trouble. They were already high on god knows what. Loki was their ringleader and he was an annoying sh-. He was uncaring about his behavior and a bad flirt. I didn’t really appreciate being groped and I would have never let him enter, but he was there on behalf of an investor…” 

Clint stopped talking for a moment, choosing his words. “The Tesseract was a fancy shiny nightclub and this is New York so if you want drugs… Officially it was only little thugs that came by and sold them and of course tried their hardest to stop them. But in reality, it was really big in the drug selling game.”

Bucky understood now, why he never heard that story before. His family preferred not to talk about drugs around him. He had not relapsed once of course, but he was still a recovering addict, wasn’t he? Fuck Lukin.

“To have sway in matters the drug lords became investors. It was an interesting working place anyway and then came Loki. I swear his only intention was to piss off as many people as possible and that wasn’t hard. It was like he poked at a beehive and then we had a mass brawl. Luckily no one hat guns or it would have been a real bloodbath. I mean sure afterward it resulted in quite a few busted drug rings...”

Since Bucky was still convinced that Clint was or had been CIA or something, this was very interesting. Had he worked at the Tesseract to investigate? And then Bucky wondered again, why Clint had worked at the Red Room Academy. Did he know something?

“The thing is, I don’t know what Loki really wanted that day. Did he want to get the drug rings busted? Or was he just on a path of self-destruction and didn’t care about the rest? I mean... I found him, you know? Laying on the bathroom floor…” 

Clint rubbed his face before he looked at Bucky with sad eyes. “Whenever I think about it, I always see you. Where were you when you overdosed? Would you have just been another annoying junkie had you died? Would anyone have cared? But then again, you got to the hospital somehow, so someone must have cared, otherwise you would have... “

Died.

Gulping Bucky saw himself laying on the floor and then he found himself speaking. “I worked as a waiter in a shabby club. Drugs were just everywhere and so most of the time I was high on something. I can’t even tell you what, because it was just whatever was around. And that day, I kind of overdid it…” The only person he had ever admitted to, that it had in fact been a deliberate overdose was Dr. Xavier. 

“There was… he was kind of a bouncer, I guess. He found me in time to get me to a hospital. Although it would have been easier for him to just let me die. But I guess we bonded over speaking German, so he cared?”

“Do you know his name?” Clint asked faintly.

Right, Bucky had never really talked about his time  _ away _ . He was still hesitant about what he should share, but Professor X had said this was part of recovery. 

“Erik. His name was Erik.” Erik Lehnsherr, a grumpy asshole that didn’t know happiness anymore, but still occasionally had managed to be kind. 

“Thank you for telling me,” Clint said in a hoarse voice as he grabbed Bucky’s hand and squeezed tight. Bucky hummed and squeezed back, feeling strangely empty but also somewhat freer. 

After the silence lasted for a while, Bucky tried to get back to the original topic. “So. Loki... How is he doing nowadays?” 

Clint blinked and stayed silent for a moment before he answered. “Uh. Good, last I heard? Two years clean but kind of under house arrest.”

“But he would be coming along? To Pride I mean.”

“Yeah, he was never convicted for anything, so he is free to go where he pleases. His family put him under sort of house arrest, I don’t know the details. And yes he would be coming along. You know, he is… queer? Yeah, let’s go with queer. And his family wasn’t all that open to the idea at first? I mean when I met Thor..., god I wanted to hit him sometimes. It’s not that he really had a problem with it, he was just… ignorant? I guess attending Pride with his brother would be him showing support for it, so…” Clint shrugged 

“They have a good relationship? Loki and Thor?”

“It was rather rocky, I guess. They were constantly pitted against each other by their father. Nonetheless, Thor traveled after him and took his brother home, I believe he really loves him. Can’t talk that much about Loki, only met him that one night after all. But Thor always talks about him as if he is a great guy, but also an annoying little brother.”

“And would you mind seeing him at Pride?”

Clint made a face. “No, it’s okay. I mean I don’t really know him, do I? As long as he behaves!” he shrugged again. 

“Well, we could just, I don’t know, meet up with them? Do our own thing before and after?” 

“Hmhm, sounds like a plan. And you should really go up now, it’s getting late.” Clint was right of course, especially because Bucky still had to bake lactose-free muffins for his ‘thank you’-mission.

On Monday his muffin mission helped a lot, since getting them to Klein preoccupied his mind so that it couldn’t worry about what other people were saying or thinking. There was just one problem, Bucky didn’t want to return to SHIELD’s office. Thankfully he had Nat as a friend and before she dragged him shopping, she dragged a clueless and slightly terrified Klein to Bucky. But Cameron liked his muffins and Bucky had a new friend, so win-win. Dr. Strange better be proud.

* * *

The week continued uneventful, which was fine with Bucky because his mind was now worrying about Pride. Sure, it had been his decision to make it something bigger. Still, he didn’t know Steve’s friends or Thor and Loki and it was nerve-wracking. He hoped they would be nice.

Now Bucky stood in front of the big mirror in the hallway. He had changed his T-shirt three times already, at first a blue one because he was meeting Steve after all, but he had no blue shirt that fit the topic of today, but with this T-shirt, he feared it was too cheesy and that Steve would laugh at him.

“You want some make-up?” Nat asked him and waved with her eyeliner. He blinked and then he shook his head hard. Sure, they did that sometimes, but only ever at home. He wasn’t going to leave the house all made up, not even for Pride. 

Nat just shrugged and went back to get herself ready, while Kate finally opened the bathroom door grinning widely. “I just want to mention that we are already late!”

“I just need to pee and then I’m ready!” Bucky defended himself with a scowl.

Three people and one bathroom was not always ideal. And then he made the mistake to tease Nat about being the reason they were late, her retaliation punch still hurt as they meet up with the others.

Of course, Bucky’s one-track mind first recognized Steve, who was talking to Wanda. He was wearing shorts and a dark grey T-shirt with a rainbow over the New York Skyline and below stood Stonewall 1969. But most importantly on his nose where the pink and heart-shaped sunglasses. And when Bucky said pink, he meant pink. A loud pink. Still, Steve looked too handsome to be true.

The man was talking to Wanda, while she put rainbow stickers on his cheeks. Bucky wanted to kiss the stickers and that mouth and really anything he could reach. But then Wanda saw him and waved him over. “Bucky! You want some stickers too?”

So now he stood next to Steve while Wanda put stickers on his cheeks. The man smiled down at him. “Cute shirt.”

It was a black shirt that read ‘I’m the rainbow sheep of the family’ with a rainbow-colored sheep in the middle. “Cute glasses.” he  _ sheepishly _ grinned back and hoped that the stickers would hide his red cheeks.

Steve scoffed playfully. “Cute? You sure you think they are cute, well then why don’t you take them? Cute shirt and  _ cute _ glasses!” And sure enough, Steve put the glasses on him while Bucky held his breath. “There, now you are extra cute.” 

So Steve thought he was cute? Bucky would take that. Bucky would take everything the man gave him, including heard-shaped pink glasses. At least they were pink and not rose-colored? Well, Bucky was already wearing that pair of glasses anyway.

“O.M.G. You look hilarious, let me take a picture! We have to preserve that sight!” Wanda laughed and Bucky grinned widely back at her. He had no problem with a picture of him with Steve’s glasses. And to his delight said man leaned in so he was in the picture as well. Bucky needed Wanda to sent him that picture!

“Bucky!” Lia squealed from Pietro’s shoulders. She had cute pigtails with rainbow ribbons and looked as adorable as always.

“Princess!” Bucky grinned up at her before he started to tickle her. “Ow! Stop it, she is pulling at my hair! Lia!”, Pietro complained and kicked Bucky. 

Remembering that Steve wasn’t everyone, Bucky moved to greet the others. Phil wore an ‘I love my gay uncle’ T-shirt and grinned down at him from Clint’s shoulders. He greeted Laura with a hug while she talked with Kate and then he turned to the two strangers. 

He recognized them immediately from the picture he had seen in Steve’s office. One had light brown hair, was around Bucky’s height, and chubby while the other was a bit taller and thinner. Both had laughter lines and were smiling friendly. Bucky startled a bit when Steve suddenly was next to him and introduced them.

Arnie Roth and Michael Bech. Married for nearly three years and they had been together for over 10 years. Ages in Bucky’s opinion. Maybe he was a bit jealous. He spaced out for a moment until he was being nudged by Roth. “What do you think?”

“Huh?”

“Okay, let me show you.”, and the man whipped out his phone to show Bucky some pictures. Of Steve. With a beard. Bucky had not been prepared. 

“So what do you think, beard or no beard?”

“Arnie...”, Steve said warily but with a good-natured smile. 

“What? I’m just trying to do the world a favor! I blame the military for your clean shaving look, but whenever you had it on missions and I got a pic, oh what glory. Really and then you come home but shave it off before visiting me.”

“Peggy hated the beard burn and wouldn’t kiss me!”

“Yeah well, but you couldn’t have waited for one more week? I still haven’t seen you with a beard even once in my life!” 

“Okay, that’s not true. I did ha-”

“That stubble was not a beard! I’m talking about a real and fully grown one!”, and then Roth turned back to Bucky with a glint in his eyes that made Bucky feel uneasy. 

“Now what about you? Tell me you have some common sense and appreciate that magnificent beard.” Arnie pushed his phone closer to Bucky’s face. Sure Bucky was all for Steve with a beard because that just increased his hotness level but he would not want to force it on him or something. So he just hesitantly nodded. 

“You know your obsession with my beard is bordering on obsessive, right Arnie?”, Steve started to intervene. But Roth ignored him and continued to look at Bucky with a wide grin. “So you are for the beard as well? It makes him very hot right? Not that he isn’t already hot, but with the beard… Don’t you think it makes him look like a  _ Daddy _ ? ” 

Bucky was sure he blushed red all over because of the way Roth had said that it was anything but innocent. Holy fuck. The incident last week had finally extinguished Bucky’s sexual frustration, but now it was coming back full force. Daddy. 

Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Roth’s husband facepalm and he heard Steve splutter out. “Arnie?!” 

Looking at the man he saw that Steve was flushed red as well, with wide eyes that switched between Roth and Bucky. “What are you doing?”

“But Stevie, I only want what’s best for you.”, Roth said totally innocent. Steve spluttered some more, looking at Bucky again before turning to Roth and dragging him away. 

“You must excuse my husband. He likes to tease Steve, but he means well.” Bech said to him with an apologetic smile as they watched Steve talking to Roth animatedly, while he sometimes looked over at Bucky.

“GOLDEN RESTEVER!”, Bucky startled at the loud voice and looked towards a big blond man with a striking rainbow-colored shirt. Together with his looming height and muscles, it made people get out of his way quickly. 

“Labrathor!”, Steve said with a wide smile as he hugged the man in greeting. That must be Thor. What the hell. But Bucky could appreciate the view. All the muscles. 

Behind Thor, he saw Vision looking around lost, but gladly Wanda had already taken pity on him and began plastering his cheeks with stickers too. 

Then there was the other man that had to be Loki. Long black hair and pale skin. But most importantly he wore a gold shimmering green shirt together with black leather skinny jeans. They looked like sin and Bucky wanted them.

Loki was reserved, but it seemed unnatural. He moved carefully and didn’t engage in conversation even if tiny smirks showed that he listened. Since the man was so alert he soon noticed Bucky watching him and cocked his head questionably.

“I like your pants,” Bucky blurted out before blushing, but Loki smirked. “Your glasses are atrocious.”

Now Bucky grinned back widely “They are hideous, arent they? But I think they have their own charm. And I mean it’s Pride. You want them?”

“Keep this abomination away from me”, Loki said with disgust, but he was grinning at the same time. 

“Fine fine, I’ll keep them safe on my nose. You’ll just have to look at them.” 

“However will I survive?” Loki said dryly and Bucky kept grinning. It was probably a good combination, a wide grin, and the pink glasses. No, he was not a maniac, thank you very much.

“Why are you being friendly?” Loki asked then with a considering look. 

“Uh? Why not?” Bucky said flabbergasted.

“I don’t necessarily have the best history with your friends. I didn’t expect anyone to be friendly.” The other man said with a shrug as if he didn’t care.

“Well, you and I do not have history, do we? Why did you even come then?”

“Because Thor has the worst puppy eyes and being home without him would be the worst. I and Odin don’t get along all that well and Mother can only do so much. Not to mention that I haven’t really left our place in years and I was bored. I hate being bored. Now I just have to convince Thor to let me have some fun.”

“Your brother doesn’t want you to have fun?” 

“That’s not it. He just is careful about what I deem fun.”

“Because of history.”

“Yes, although I suppose it would be fun to drag Thor into a gay bar and see how he handles the attention,” Loki said with a sly grin making Bucky laugh.

“Oh, dear. I never really went into a gay bar, but I expect they would swarm him.”

“Are you telling me, you live in New York City and never went to a gay bar?!”

“Eh. I visited Stonewall once?”

Loki didn’t look all that impressed and started telling him about all the places he needed to go. Loki would even be a generous companion if Bucky helped to convince Thor of the endeavor. 

* * *

On Monday Bucky was excited about visiting the Arc Reactor in New Jersey. It was the heart of Stark Industries’ efforts to become an electrical supplier. So of course he took a selfie in front of the building to sent it to Pietro. Gleefully he awaited Pietro’s jealous answer. 

“Oh look at that. Cute picture.” Bucky startled when Mr. Stark looked over his shoulder at his phone. Maybe one of the pictures Wanda took of him and Steve yesterday was now his wallpaper. And his lock screen. 

“Especially the glasses. I picked them after all, didn’t think Rogers kept them, however.” Bucky didn’t mention to the other man that these glasses were now part of his most precious possessions. As long as Steve didn’t want them back.

“Of course you picked this atrocious thing. Who else would,” Loki said dryly from behind them as they entered the building. “What is that supposed to mean, huh? You are the full-tilt diva.” 

Now Peter tried to get a look at said picture, from where he was walking beside Bucky, so he tilted the phone until Peter started to grin. “They are so ugly, it’s cute again.” 

Peter was right of course, but Steve and he were cuter. Not to mention that Bucky had a picture of himself with Steve! Yesterday had been a success. Even if the  _ Daddy Talk  _ had caused a rapid return of Bucky’s libido. 

But for now, his whole attention belonged to the Arc Reactor and listening to Mr. Stark and Thor talk about the finer details of electricity. It was interesting to know that Asgard Enterprise and Stark Industries were working together on the project. 

“Europe will be a big market for it. After Chernobyl, many countries became wary of nuclear energy, and lately, after Fukushima, the nuclear power phase-out is gaining momentum,” Thor said as they walked around the reactor. 

“Fukushima?, Bucky asked because he had no idea what Thor was talking about. His question was met with four pairs of confused eyes.

“Fukushima? Japan? 2011? The big tsunami?” Peter said looking at Bucky waiting for the realization that never came. “Where were you in March 2011?” 

Oh, how Bucky hated not knowing these things. Not only did he have problems remembering his time with Lukin thanks to the drugs and isolation, but he also had no idea what had happened in the world at the same time.

He remembered the tsunami in Haiti but had no idea what people were talking about when they mentioned a mining incident in Chile. He had to catch up with these things that everybody just knew. Like that Osama bin Laden had been killed, which had thrown Bucky off so hard. Not to mention that he had returned to a world where Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was becoming history. Everybody watched Game of Thornes and listened to Adele. Oh right, and he had missed a royal wedding.

“Oh right, my bad.”, Bucky said with a fake grin while searching his mind for information. There had been a tsunami in Japan, he knew that, but he wasn’t sure what that had to do with nuclear power. He would have to google it later.

“Well, as the tsunami hit the nuclear power plant and caused the most severe nuclear accident since Chernobyl the whole world remembered the danger of nuclear power again,” Mr. Stark said casually, coincidentally giving Bucky all the needed information. Bucky didn’t believe in coincidence. 

“That does also mean that Japan is interested in less dangerous ways to supply its population with electricity. Not to mention the whole energy transition that is going on. Not using nuclear or coal power creates a nice market for the Arc Reactor. However, we also have to hurry before somebody or something else fills the niche,” Mr. Stark continued and got Thor back on the topic of business. 

Bucky relaxes slightly but noticed Loki looking at him curiously. Then he found himself next to Loki and walking slightly behind the others, while Peter askes Mr. Stark and Thor all kinds of questions.

“2011 really started interesting, didn’t it? Charlie Sheen went bonkers, the Oscars were a fiasco and there was that weird song called Friday by a 13-year-old girl.” Bucky wanted to punch the smile from Loki’s face. The man clearly already realized something was up.

Thankfully Bucky had been warned that Loki could be annoying and didn’t take it personally, but still. 

“Well, if it was that awful, maybe I should be glad that I missed it?” Loki’s eyes widened and his smile dropped. Good.

“Although I suppose being high as a kite not knowing what day or even month it is, isn’t necessarily all that great either. What were you up to 2011?” Bucky asked the other man with a smile that didn’t even pretend to be sincere. Maybe it was a bit unfair that Bucky knew Loki’s past.

They had stopped walking and were looking at each other, Loki had cocked his head again and looked at Bucky considering and without a smile. “I wasn’t that shot up that I didn’t remember what day it was, but I can’t say it was a pleasant year. Wrong company, one could say.”

“Yeah. Same. Glad we had this talk,” Bucky huffed in dry humor, making Loki laugh out loud once before they started walking again to catch up with the others.

It was the beginning of a wonderful friendship, that not even three days later made Bucky question his sanity as Loki dragged him to a gay bar only to vanish with an older man to the bathroom at the first chance. Seriously. 

“Here.”, Next to him stood a dark-skinned woman with a shot and a knowing grin. “It’s tequila. Salt and lemons are at the bar. I’m Brunnhilde by the way and your companion just left with my companion to do funny business. Let’s suffer together.”

He looked at her for the moment and then back at the shot. Well, he would not have to get up early tomorrow right? Only later for Tiny Starks infamous Fourth of July party.

“Cheers!”, he said and drowned the shot before following her to the bar.

Eventually, Loki resurfaced and grinned at him cheerfully. “Having fun?”

“Fuck you!”

“Just did that, thanks. maybe you should give it a try.”

Urgh. He needed more alcohol.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your Kudos and Comments give me life. Thank you so much!


	11. Eleven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha is not letting Bucky sleep in peace, and to many muffins are hard to handle.
> 
> There are amazing fireworks to look at, even if they are not the only thing Bucky keeps looking at, and there is alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. And Loki. Whatever might happen?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, despite real-life's best efforts, here is the new chapter.

* * *

“Wakey wakey!” Bucky’s door opened letting in the light and he groaned and tried to hide under his pillow. 

“None of that, darling. Rise and shine!” Of course, Natalia wouldn’t let him, because she enjoyed his suffering.

“Whyyyy?” he wined and tried to stop her from stealing his blanket. Naturally, he was unsuccessful. 

“Because it is past midday and you need to stand up. I even made food for you!” 

Grumbling Bucky slowly sat up and yawned. “Don’t you have to work or something?”

“Not yet, but in a few hours. So stop being lazy and entertain me!”

After a shower and food, Bucky was mostly back to life again. He hadn’t overdone it yesterday and more importantly he had stayed faithful only to tequila. Nat wanted to know all the details, even though nothing really interesting had happened. 

“But you went out drinking! Alone!” 

“I wasn’t alone. Okay, maybe I was when Loki vanished to have some fun.” 

“Loki doesn’t count, you only know each other for half a week! And I have never really known you to go out.” 

Bucky felt anger well up inside him. How was it that even such a little conversation could enter dangerous territories. “I did. Down in Brighton.” 

Nat’s whole posture changed within seconds from teasing to serious. “I don’t really know what you have been up to while you lived in Brighton Beach, James.” 

“Well, at first it was all good fun and then it changed,” he said with a biting tone while he glared at Natalia. He was aware of course that she didn’t deserve his anger, but lately, it had been eating him up. 

“Because of the drugs?” And of course, she couldn’t stop prodding, could she? 

“Among other things. The people who gave me the drugs were the bigger problem.”

“Did you indebt yourself to them?”

“No. But I guess I was still their property,” he said with a humorless grin. 

There was a moment of silence when Nat looked like she was trying and failing to find words. Bucky had rarely ever seen her like this like she was about to cry and all his anger evaporated. 

“You are not property!” she finally snarled. 

“No, I’m not,” Bucky said and smiled placating. He had never said it out loud before. He was nobody’s property. He was his own person, with his own hopes and dreams. And that was okay. No just not okay, that was his right. 

“And you are not worth less than others. Say it.” 

“I'm not worth less than others,” his vision was swimming. Bucky felt like he wasn’t really there and at the same time, he felt more like himself than he had for years. 

“Good... Good. And don’t let anybody tell you otherwise, yeah?” And suddenly he had a lap full of Natalia. He hugged her back instinctively while his mind tried to comprehend what was happening.

“Are you okay?” he asked her baffled. While Nat never denied him when he asked for a hug, the only time he could remember her sitting in his lap was when they were younger and she hadn’t wanted to sit on a cold surface. 

“I am if you are. You’ve been doing better lately. I mean, I remember when we met. Sure, you were a bit solemn in your grief, but you were outgoing and charming. You had so many friends, always a sassy thing to say with a smile on your lips... And then slowly you started to change.”

Bucky gulped unsure what to say, his eyes found scratch wounds on Nat’s arms that showed she had helped out at the animal shelter recently. He had half a mind to ask after the cats to get out of this conversation.

“At first I always thought you changed that much after you moved to Brighton Beach. But that was not true. You stopped smiling slowly, you stopped starting conversations with strangers, you didn’t joke around that much anymore. Even with us, you started to withdraw. And then I thought it started when the foster home closed. But even before you sometimes were reserved… secretive.”

Exhaling slowly to remain calm, Bucky ran his fingers through his hair. “I- Yes. I don’t-” 

“You don’t have to explain to me why. But I guess you started to realize your sexuality? I mean you dated Melina for a while and you didn’t look comfortable at all? You seemed almost relieved when it was over.”

Well, that was part of it. “Melina was nice and cute and… but I just don’t like women that way?” 

Nat chuckled before her voice turned serious again. “I’m sorry, you know? That I didn’t realize. That I wasn’t someone you could talk with. I mean looking back I feel so ignorant. And our environment wasn’t the nicest one for being gay, was it? It just wasn’t acceptable to them.” 

Then she sat up and looked Bucky straight into the eyes. “But really fuck anyone who says anything against it. If you need me, I’ll kick their asses for you.” Her smile had a daring edge to it that made Bucky laugh.

“I’ll keep that in mind. But keep it legal okay? I need you around and not behind bars.” 

“I’ll always be around!… Anyway, I just wanted to say that you are changing again. For the better! I mean Clint told me you have told him some things - don’t worry he didn’t specify - and you instigated Pride. With strangers! And now you went drinking with one of them. It’s just- It seems more like yourself? I like it. I mean even with the- really if I knew where Ward lived I would visit him, but Steve won’t give me his address. But, I mean, I thought you would crawl back into yourself and we would need months to get you out of a dark place again.”

Bucky stocked for a moment trying to process all she said. “I- I like the internship? I mean, I like studying too, but with the internship, it’s like I have a real perspective? A future. It feels right.”

“Good. That’s what we want,” and she leaves a kiss on his cheeks before standing up and cleaning the table as if nothing had happened.

* * *

Bucky was juggling his latest batch of muffins as he entered Stark Tower in the evening. This time some were with peanut butter, some with blueberries, some just good old chocolate, but all of them had red, blue, and white sprinkles on them, to go with the theme. Bucky just hadn’t wanted to come empty-handed to the party? But now he certainly had his hands full, because he hadn’t been clever enough to pack them in a bag. 

Cameron was working that evening and got a blueberry muffin for his trouble. The guy deserved more muffins anyway, and since Cameron was sure that one, not lactose-free, muffin wouldn’t kill him, who was Bucky to deny him.

Now in the elevator, Bucky admired his ass in the mirror. He had bought new pants with Nat, Jeans this time. Pretty blue jeans because blue was the new color of his wardrobe much to Nat’s delight. And they were still skinny and his ass looked fantastic, thank you very much. 

Entering the penthouse, Bucky was surprised by how many people he knew at this party. He wasn’t even out of the elevator when he was greeted by some colleagues and got tangled up in small-talk. The next person to greet him was actually Peter, who dragged him along to introduce him to his aunt. He left them with a muffin each as he finally spotted Vision.

Because Vision could also help him to get rid of the muffins, he made a beeline towards him. But just as he had started moving an arm was slung around his shoulders. “Who, do we have here. Hello Barnes.” 

He looked at a grinning Danny Rand and blinked. “Uh. Hey?”

“Hey? Really, that’s all I get? After we haven’t seen you around for a month? Where have you been?”

“Here? Internship here. I mean. I was busy?” Truthfully if Kate hadn’t dragged him to the gym the past month Bucky would have been really lazy. Not to mention that he hadn’t made up his mind to go back to ‘The Defenders’ to begin with. 

Rand looked at him with narrowed eyes. “But you had a month to get used to the workload, I better see you around next month!”

“Eh. Sure?”

Grinning widely again Rand started to pull him along. “Barnes, this is my girlfriend Colleen Wing. Colleen this is Bucky Barnes, Strange adopted him and dragged him along a while ago, but you missed each other.” 

Spluttering at the description, Bucky greeted her. He couldn’t shake her hands because his hands were full of containers and they immediately asked what was inside them. After giving them a muffin each and promising again to return to the Defenders, Bucky finally made his way over to Vision who was talking to Dr. Banner in a slightly hidden corner. 

But he hadn’t even finished greeting them when the next arm was slung around his shoulder. “Barney! How nice of you to come to my awesome party.”

Stark wore an American themed suit that made Bucky’s eyes hurt and for a moment he blinked at it in surprise, but then wondered why he was even surprised. “Hello, Mr. Stark. Thanks for the invitation.” 

“So polite! Now, where is your drink? There is an open bar!... Or are you like grandpa?” 

“Grandpa?” Bucky asked taken aback.

Stark pulled him along and pointed to the side, where Steve was talking to Ms. Potts. Bucky didn’t know if he preferred Steve in a suit or in casual clothes, the man simply always looked good, it was unfair. Today Steve wore dark jeans and a white shirt with the American flag on it, to stay with the theme. And as always he looked too good. The shirt was stretching on his arms and the tattoo on his right side was teasing Bucky again. 

Steve must have noticed them and looked at them with a questioning eyebrow. “Just asking if you want a drink Mr. Broing”, Stark said loudly. 

Steve looked unimpressed and glared back. “You know I don’t drink, Tony.”

“Yes. Yes. As I said, a boring grandpa. So what do you want to drink, Buckbuck?” 

Buckbuck? Bucky looked at Mr. Stark like he had grown a second head. 

“Now come on off, Tony. I’m sure Barnes can decide for himself when and what he wants to drink. Hello there, can I help you with your boxes?” Ms. Potts intervened smoothly. Bucky smiled back at her and admired her beautiful blue dress and especially her perfectly made nails that stayed with the American theme. 

“Hello, Ms. Potts. Your nails are really cool.” Did he just say her nails were  _ cool _ ? But Ms. Potts just beamed at him and showed him her nails. 

But whatever she wanted to say was interrupted by Mr. Stark. “Really? You’re going to talk about nails? What would have been really  _ cool _ was the costume I chose for you, Pepper! You would have looked ravishing- Not that you don’t look amazing right now! You always look amazing!” 

Ms. Potts sighed “Some people simply like it more subtle than you, Tony. I will not spend the evening dressed as the Statue of Liberty.” 

“But it would have looked so good! Pep if you-”, Bucky ignored whatever they were saying because he noticed that Steve had stepped closer as well. “Hey Bucky, how are you doing?”

For a moment Bucky just blinked and didn’t know what to say and so he shoved his boxes forward. “Uh. Happy birthday?... Muffins. These are muffins!” 

“Wait, wait. You made him muffins? Why him and not me?” Mr. Stark promptly was back to baying attention to Bucky.

“W- Yes. No! I mean- he just gets first pick? Okay, no I already lost a few on the way here… They are for the buffet! But it’s his birthday?” Bucky tried to defend himself. 

Mr. Stark pouted but Steve laughed and smiled at Bucky. It was such a warm smile, that his insides melted. “Thank you”

“Uh. Peanut butter, blueberries, or plain chocolate? Or all. I don’t care. Just.” And he pushed the boxes in Steve’s direction again, hoping his face wasn’t burning as red as it felt. But Steve just smiled and asked for one with blueberries. 

Juggling around and nearly letting one container fall if Ms. Potts hadn’t caught it, Steve had a blueberry muffin in his hand. The man was still smiling as he leaned forward and gave Bucky a half-hug only to whisper “Thank you” into his ear. Ngh.

Sadly he didn’t get to see Steve’s reaction while eating the muffin because Ms. Potts took pity on Bucky and his arms full of muffins and helped him to the buffet. While taking a plate for himself he heard Thor’s booming voice. Looking around he found the huge man talking to a woman with a besotted smile. That must be Jane Foster, Loki had mentioned her. 

Searching for Loki he found him nearby talking to a dark-haired woman. Okay, maybe talking wasn’t a good way to describe it. Loki was smirking down at her teasingly, while she was glaring up and looked like she wanted to scratch his eyes out… or his clothes off. 

Shaking his head and refraining from getting in between that tension to say hello, Bucky made his way to the bar to get a drink before making his way back to Vision to eat in peace. Once there he pointed Loki out, “I now know what you meant when you said you weren’t sure if Mr. Stark and Loki hated each other or were flirting. I’m not sure if these two want to fuck or strangle each other.”

Vision spluttered and blushed at the language but he also nodded. “Well, it seems to me that Loki just works that way?” “Justified theory, I guess... Anyhow, how is packing going?”

“Well, I have made charts about the usual weather in Wakanda for the coming months and what I’m most likely going to be tasked with. Also, I was assured that I would get clothes there, so I kept it to a minimum. Otherwise, most things are on my electronics, so that doesn’t take up that much space,” Vision went on how he calculated what he needed or didn’t need. It was so typical Vision that Bucky could only listen fondly. 

Eventually, they moved outside to watch the fireworks, and this high up with a clear view it really was an experience. He now understood why Vision said that many people hoped to get invited to Stark’s party, only to see the fireworks. 

_Red, white, blue is in the sky._ _Summer’s in the air and, baby, heaven’s in your eyes._ started playing in his head and Bucky found himself searching the crowd until he found Steve talking to Dr. Banner while leaning against the glass window behind him. He could see the fireworks in the glass behind him, could see the man in all the colors that flashed in the sky. _I’m your national anthem._

“Buh.” Of course, Loki chose that moment to sneak up on him. Luckily his scream was drowned out by the fireworks. Mostly. Loki still laughed at him. But the man had a peace offering in the form of another tasty cocktail, so Bucky forgave him.

“It’s your own fault for getting lost in the view. And it wasn’t even the fireworks, no, you looked over there. Hm, I don’t think Banner is the reason for that longing in your eyes, so Rogers, huh?” Loki whispered into his ears, grinning widely and Bucky wasn’t sure if he liked the look in his eyes. 

“I- I just-” Bucky stammered, realizing he had been caught and unsure how to get out of it. He looked over to Vision, but his friend was looking up at the sky and had noticed nothing. 

Loki just shrugged his shoulders with a smirk on his face. “I’m not judging. You can like who you like. And I mean older men have more experience, you know.” Bucky spluttered at the implication behind Loki's wiggling eyebrows. “Although I think Rogers is too nice, that would just be boring.” 

Bucky spluttered some more and then purposely looked up at the sky again to signal that this conversation was over. Loki was sniggering but left him in peace. For now.

Shortly after the fireworks, Vision excused himself for bed. While it was still rather early Bucky was sure it was mostly because Vision was uncomfortable with the crowd and not because he really wanted to go to bed. So Bucky stepped on Loki's foot the moment the man opened his mouth to undoubtedly say something tauntingly and walked with Vision to the elevator for one last goodbye. 

When he returned he found Loki once more talking to the dark-haired woman from earlier. Again not wanting to interrupt them, he went to get himself another cocktail and looked around for other familiar faces. There was Steve again, maybe Bucky could ask him if he liked the muffin?

“Looking for Rogers again?”, Of course, Loki sneaked up at him again. Bucky squeaked and then glared at Loki. “What? It’s not my fault you don’t pay attention to your surroundings because you are longingly looking at Rogers.”

“Well, you didn’t notice me because you were talking to your girl,” Bucky shot back with blushing cheeks. 

“My girl?” Loki blinked confused. “Oh! You mean Darcy? She is many things but certainly not my girl.” Did Bucky imagine it, or did Loki sound a bit wistful?

“Could have fooled me, the way you were looking at each other. I mean she certainly looked like she was caught between tearing your eyes out… or your clothes off.”

“Oh? You think so?... Well, no matter, she isn’t one for casual and I’m not… I don’t really want a relationship. Certainly not now, maybe even never... And as she just told me, she has a boyfriend... Ian. What kind of name is Ian, even?” Loki looked like he had bitten into a lemon. 

“So, you like her?” 

“Darcy? Hmhm. She is a firecracker you know? Certainly won't let me walk all over her. Did you know that she tasered my brother, the first time they met?” Loki said with a grin on his face that just showed how much he enjoyed that story.

“Can’t say I have,” Bucky replied dryly. 

“You have never met Darcy, either, have you? I should introduce you two, she is in the city the next week, so if you have the time.” 

“Sure. So she tasered your brother?” 

“Yesssss, but let me get a new drink while I tell you this glorious story… Anyway so Thor,... imagine meeting this huge man in a dark alley, full of muscle and nearly two meters high -six feet six in your weird measuring methods- and by now you should know that he has a rather loud way of speaking. He is also sometimes not the best at reading the room... or the alley in that case. He frightened her so much that she simply tasered him. Mid-sentence. Why is there no video or picture of it? I would send it to him all the time. Darcy is awesome.” Now Bucky was rather sure that Loki sounded wistful.

“So you like both? Men and women, I mean?” 

Loki cooked his head and gave Bucky a calculating look. “Yes. I like men and women. And while most of the time I consider myself to be male, sometimes I’m a woman myself. Or something in-between.”

“Oh,” Bucky said wide-eyed. There was a fake smile on Loki's face now with the straw between his lips as he took a sip of his new cocktail. “Is that a problem?”

“What? No! No. It’s just surprising that you are so open about it? I mean, that’s fine. I’m just- surprised?” Bucky stammered while blushing. 

The smile turned into an amused grin. “Oh, how surprised would you be if I told you I’m wearing silk lingerie right now?” 

Coughing on his drink, because he had been stupid enough to take a sip even though the grin should have been a warning, Bucky was sure that now he was redder than the cherry that came with his cocktail. Loki just laughed with a glint in his eyes. “Ever tried lingerie yourself?” 

Still coughing Bucky looked around with wide eyes, worrying about the people around them and what they had heard. But nobody was even looking in their direction. “Okay, okay. Here hold this. I’m getting us another pair of drinks and then we are going outside to find a quiet corner so you don’t have a heart attack about people listening in.” 

He returned with two jumbo cocktails and Bucky tried to remember how many cocktails he already had while he acknowledged that he was already a bit drunk. But he still followed Loki outside.

“So have you ever worn woman lingerie?”, Loki asked again, while he lounged on a bench as if he was a king. Sitting stiffly next to him, Bucky admitting liking panties because they were tighter and often had cute motives. Loki raised an eyebrow and urged him to drink some more while talking about how different textures felt on the skin. About hair removal and smooth skin. About freaking garter belts, stockings, and high heels. Lengthy. 

Loki really made it sound like fun and after finishing his cocktail and holding onto the jumbo like a lifeline, Bucky blurted out that he had worn silk panties before, even high heels, but it hadn’t been fun for him at all, only humiliating. 

“Why?” Loki asked with genuine curiosity. 

“Because I was laughed at! I was stumbling around, because I couldn’t walk in these stupid shoes, and even when I fell it was only met with amusement. There were jokes about me being all dolled up, how pretty I was in these cute panties, even more so when I cried. I was told I moaned like a girl, was weak as a girl, pathetic as a girl… “ Bucky blamed the outburst on the alcohol and hunched up as he tried to hide the tears.

“Whoa! Woah. What?” he felt Loki move until he was sitting right next to him and leaned his head on his shoulder while giving him a half hug. “Okay. It’s okay. Please tell me you don’t see whoever told you that anymore.” 

“No,” Bucky huffed. “God no. Luckily not. No contact at all.” 

“Good. Because that sounds downright abusive, and we don’t want abusive, got it? And I do feel the need to point out that a girl isn’t weak or pathetic. And dressing up doesn’t make you weak or pathetic either. Don’t fight me on this, I dare you.” Loki poked him. Hard.

“Yes. Yes! Ouch. Stop it. I know that. I do. It’s just that he didn’t. They didn’t. I grew up and continued to live in a rather misogyny society. Sometimes I’m still stuck in the rhetoric, but I know they were wrong.”

“Probably also had nothing nice to say about gay man, had they?”, Loki asked disgruntled.

Sharp laughter escaped Bucky's lips, as he wiped his tears away. “First of all, gay men aren’t men, they are less. Secondly, don’t forget you are not gay if you just fuck men and not let them fuck you.” 

“Assholes.” 

“That’s an accurate description.” 

They sat in silence for a moment, heads leaned against each other as they looked at the lights of central park. “But you’re fine now?” 

“Yeah, yeah I’m doing good. It was mostly, not the best associations growing up, and then I met an older man. He knew all the right things to say, to make me feel special,... until I fell in love with him. And then came the drugs and I was done for. On the positive side, I don’t remember all that went down at that time.”

“You have a really grim sense of humor at times, don’t you? Well, I can’t judge I’m known for my dark sense of humor. Speaking of humor, I think it’s time to lighten the mood, so let me tell you about that one time I seduced my fa- Odin’s business partner.”

In the end, Bucky was a helpless giggle on the floor and probably really really drunk. Loki wasn’t fairing that much better and eventually decided to go to bed. He even offered to let Bucky stay with him, but Bucky waved him off and said he would call an Uber to get home. 

But soon after Loki left, Bucky realized that maybe he was too drunk for that. No, He wasn’t drunk he was smashed! Groaning Bucky contemplated taking a nap on the bench until he had sobered up somewhat.

“Still awake, Bucky?” Sitting up quickly, even though it made his vision spin, his eyes focused on an amused Steve standing right in front of him.

“Stevie!”, Bucky said. Okay maybe he squealed it, but he was drunk, okay? “Did you like the muffin?!” This was a really important question after all. 

Steve raised an eyebrow and huffed in amusement. “Yes, your blueberry muffin was delicious, and so was the peanut butter one I managed to snatch from the buffet before they were all gone. They were rather popular.”

Bucky grinned in satisfaction. “Good.” But he had to close his eyes to fight nausea. He was so fucking drunk.

“Here, drink some water.” Steve had crouched down beside him and offered him a bottle of water. While water sounded like a good idea, his arms weren’t cooperating when he tried to lift them.

“You are really plastered, aren’t you?” 

“Loki’s fault!”

“Yeah, he may have mentioned something like that when he said goodnight to Thor,” the man said with a smile.

“I like your smile.” Bucky realized he said that out loud when Steve's eyes widened in surprise. “And your eyes.” But Bucky had to close his eyes again, because as good looking as Steve was, Bucky was getting sick from seeing him double. Steve’s surprised cough made Bucky realize that he wasn’t capable of thinking without saying it out loud as well.

“Okay, come on. Drink up.” Steve was holding the water bottle to Bucky’s mouth, who opened mostly because he was so surprised by the gesture. However, Bucky’s stomach was less impressed by the water and he started to feel sick. However, moving back meant he drenched his shirt with water.

“Yeesh, Bucky.” He heard Steve say and wondered how annoyed the man already was. “Sorry. I’m sorry. But I think I’m going to be sick.” 

“Yeah? Okay, come on up. Let’s get you to a toilet.” Steve pulled him up and then mostly carried him. Bucky wasn’t really complaining, because Steve was warm and smelled good. Maybe he should cling to him like a monkey? Steve surely was strong enough to carry him.

“Ohhhkay… I’m not carrying you down the stairs like that Bucky, don’t even think about it.” Stairs? What stairs? Surprised Bucky noticed they were on a staircase. Why were they on a staircase? “Well, I didn’t think you wanted me to drag you through the crowd. Come on, one step at a time.” 

With a strong grip on his arm, Steve got him safely down the stairs and to a bathroom below. Yes, bathroom, not restroom. But more Bucky didn’t notice because he was too preoccupied with barfing into the toilet. 

“There you go. Just get it all out.” Steve was holding his hair back. It had gotten longer, maybe Bucky should cut it? Or maybe he should focus more on hurling into the toilet. Bucky felt awful. Vomiting was awful. Gagging was awful, everything was awful. 

But maybe he should be proud of himself, that he managed to hold it in until they reached a toilet? Probably. He could have puked on himself, or even worse, on Steve! Said man was chuckling next to him, while his hands massaged Bucky's scalp. 

Feeling like he had maybe gotten it all out, Bucky rested his head on the cold toilet seat and felt the other man move one hand to Bucky’s back to make soothing movements there. How was this man even real? “It’s really not fair, you know?”

“What is?” Steve asked softly, never stopping his hand movements.

“You! You’re not just smoking hot making me want to lick every curve your muscles have formed, every vein on your body.” He heard Steve choke next to him and the hand on his back stopped moving. “No, you are also really fucking nice… and kind… and…” 

Something in the back of Bucky’s head urged him to stop talking, but then again he was already vomiting in front of Steve and his life was over anyway. 

“It was one thing to look at you like a thirsty bitch, one thing to be pining, but no, next I had to actually meet you… and get to know you. Why are you so awesome, Steve? It’s really not fair. My poor heart.”

“Hey, it’s okay. Shhh. It’s okay Bucky. Don’t cry. Shhh.” The hand on his back had started moving again, and the other was back to gently massaging his scalp.

“See! See! That’s what I’m talking about, I’m being a complete nuisance and you are still taking care of me. It’s not fair!” Bucky pressed his face into the toilet seat while sobbing pathetically. 

“Shhh. You’re not a nuisance Bucky. Think you’re going to be sick again?” He was moved backward against Steve’s chest and shook his head. “Okay, drink some water, hm?” The bottle was held against his lips again and he drank eagerly until it was empty.

“Still not feeling sick?” Bucky shook his head again while pressed back against the warm body behind him. “Okay, let’s wait for a moment, and then I’ll drive you home, okay?” “Hmhm,” Bucky said drowsily. 

“Hey, don’t fall asleep on me Bucky. Stay awake.” Bucky grumbled while trying to turn around to hide his face in Steve’s chest, which vibrated as the man was chuckling. “Alright, alright. You are one sleepy boy in need of a bed. Come on, up. Be good.” 

“’m good, ‘m a good boy!” Bucky's declared as Steve pulled him up, the man chuckled some more. “Yes, of course, you are. Come on Bucky. Let’s get you home. You have a jacket or something?” “Na-ah” Leaning against Steve was not a hardship so Bucky complied.

Inside the elevator, Bucky still didn’t stop pressing himself against Steve’s warm body, and promptly told the man that he smelled amazing. In the mirror of the elevator, he could see that Steve was hiding his face behind one hand, while his other arm safely held Bucky up. 

“You should grow a beard.” he blurted out, startling Steve who dropped his hand and looked down at him. “You really look amazing with a beard. Your friend is right. You would also look like a Daddy, but that’s fine because you would be the best Daddy ever.”

Steve groaned and hid his face behind his hand again. His face was red. Bucky giggled and pressed his face back into Steve’s chest. But he also felt a bit sad because “It isn’t fair because I really wish you would be my Daddy and take care of me.”

There was a sound that sounded like an animal dying but couldn’t pinpoint where it came from because he was half asleep already. Walking was becoming harder and harder and the moment he was seated he was falling asleep while somebody fastened his seatbelt and brushed the hair out of his face that had tickled him. No, not somebody. Steve. “Daddy.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I love to hear from you, here or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) 😇


	12. Twelve

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky wakes up at an unfamiliar place with a massive headache.  
> Also, a new main character is entering the story: a grey pair of trousers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone, I'm so sorry, the triple combo of hell (heat, humidity, and headaches) got to me in the last week and a half and left me in a state of lying in bed and hoping my body stops throwing a temper tantrum about the weather. 😵  
> Therefore I broke my deadline of never taking longer than 14 days to post a new chapter. ☹️  
> But, before my body went into lockdown, I may have played a few hours of Sims to recreate the housing within this story, take it as a peace offering? [they are on tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/post/626807136018661376/slightest-touch-yes-i-rebuild-the-housings-of-my)  
> I hope you enjoy it all. 💕

Waking up slowly with a massive headache was not something Bucky liked. But this time he also had no freaking idea where he was. 

The first thing he realized was that the bed was not his. His hands didn’t hit a wall or found the end of the bed, not to mention that the bed was too comfy. Then, he noticed that it was too silent. Normally he should hear the busy street below his window with cars honking and people talking. Thirdly it was too dark. The blanket he threw over his window wasn’t really enough to keep out the sun or the streetlights. Lastly, it was pleasantly cool. In the middle of the summer and without an air conditioner, Bucky should be sweating and not cuddling the blankets. 

Blinking his eyes open he looked at dark grey sheets that weren’t his. Even if he had already figured he wasn’t in his bed, somehow this still threw him off. Raising himself up was met with protests from his head, but he saw a dark wooden ceiling, a wooden beam, and brick walls. So a converted old warehouse? 

Robbing sideways to open a curtain he found a small courtyard with more brick walls and a fire escape. Nothing at all that helped with pinpointing his location. Or whom this place belonged to. Groaning he fell back down into the soft sheets. 

So, he had been on the 4th of July party at Stark Tower. And he had drunk a lot of alcohol with Loki. Okay, obviously too much, because he barely remembered Loki leaving him. Fucking shit, had he gone home with someone?! But he was still fully clothed and alone in the bed, with only his shoes missing.

Turning to the other side he found a mirror wall and was pleasantly surprised when he only looked half as bad as he felt. That was something at least, right? To the sides of the mirror, there were two doors. Since his body announced a desperate need for peeing, he slowly crawled out of the comfy bed. 

The first door, the one closest to him, led to a kitchen and so Bucky closed it again hastily. It was highly likely that the owner of said kitchen lurked around on the other side of the door and Bucky wasn’t ready to meet that person. 

But the other door thankfully exposed a bathroom. After relieving himself, drinking water from the tap, and finding a still wrapped toothbrush (and toothpaste!) he felt somewhat human again. Still, Bucky looked longingly at the shower, but since he didn’t know who it belonged to and found just taking a shower slightly creepy, he refrained. 

Returning to the bedroom, he realized there was a bottle of water, painkillers, and his keys and phone on the nightstand beside the kitchen door. Not knowing where he was or whom he was with, Bucky didn’t touch the meds but seeing his phone made him ease up a bit. Someone had even plugged it in, so it fully charged. And there were messages.

> Kate:
> 
> DK if I should scold you or just laugh. YOLO Bucky 😂
> 
> Loki:
> 
> Are you alive? Or somewhat alive? 
> 
> Thor is laughing too loud 🤢
> 
> Natalia: 
> 
> ??? You got so drunk that MY BOSS had to take you home? Be happy I know Steve and he told me you were at his place. SRSL James.

Trust Nat to give him useful pieces of information. But holy shit. This was Steve’s place? He was at Steve’s place?! Oh god. He was fucked. He didn’t even remember how he ended up here. Or what he had said. Or done! He was so fucked. 

Groaning Bucky contemplated taking the fire escape for a quiet escape, but Steve already knew he was here, so the damage was already done. No use for risky escape plans.

However, if this was Steve’s place and Nat knew he was here, then it was safe to take the meds, right? Examining the package and deciding it had not been tampered with, he took a painkiller and laid back down on the bed to wait for its effect.

When he woke up again, his headache had lessened to a point where Bucky could mostly ignore it. Instead, his stomach was loudly proclaiming that it disliked its empty status. Well, there was a kitchen just a few feet away and Bucky had to face the music eventually anyway. Washing his face one last time and trying to look as presentable as possible, he left the safety of the guest bedroom.

The kitchen was in a light color and rather big, with a skylight that gave it natural light. It was an open kitchen and Bucky could see a dining table and behind that, in front of the windows, there were two armchairs. If that wasn’t enough to show the width of the room, the whole right wall was full of bookshelves until there was a big door through the brick wall between the shelves and the kitchen. Bucky had never seen so many books outside a library or a bookstore. 

As if that wasn’t enough on the left side the room opened up into a spacious living room, with a big cream-colored couch that looked so comfy that Bucky wanted to take another nap on it. Scratch that, the freaking carpet beneath it looked like a good napping spot. 

Now much more awake, he noticed the high-quality of everything he had seen so far. The bright-colored furnishings were in nice contrast with the dark wooden ceiling and floor. Paintings and lush green plants decorated the apartment and made it feel warm and welcoming. Like a home.

“Well, hello there, sleeping beauty.” Jumping around, Bucky found Steve in an office space working on his laptop and looking at him with an amused grin. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” the man said as he stood up and moved closer. 

Steve wasn’t wearing a suit, but the blue henley teased Bucky with the collarbone tattoo. Realizing that he probably stood there like a deer caught in the headlights while also gaping like a fish, Bucky managed to get out an “Uh- hi?”

Stopping in front of him, Steve looked down with a fond smile. “Hi yourself. Slept well?” Nodding dumbly, Bucky noticed how close Steve stood, he nearly touched the henley while moving his head, and he was engulfed in the older man’s smell. 

Now shaking his head slightly to clear it, Bucky bit his lip as he looked up at the blond man. “Uh, so thanks for taking care of me?” Something flashed in Steve’s eyes that Bucky couldn’t interpret. “I’m sorry if I was rude or something, I really don’t remember… much? I mean after Loki left. I-I have no idea how I ended up here.”

Something else flashed in Steve’s eyes while his smile dropped. “You don’t remember… Well, you were rather drunk.” The man rubbed his face and for a moment the silence stretched for an eternity. Before the man dropped the hand and took a step back with a smile that looked a bit forced. “Maybe that’s for the best… There are fresh clothes on the stool behind you, I’m sure you would like to take a shower.” 

Turning around Bucky found a pile of clothes on a kitchen stool and took them before blinking up at Steve again. The man’s smile was less forced now, but it still made Bucky uneasy. “Go on. The towels in the bathroom are all clean and shampoo and body wash in the shower.”

Retreating to the guest bedroom to escape the weird situation seemed like a good idea, so Bucky went to take a shower with the hope that maybe his brain would decide to remember something. But even the nice rainbow shower didn’t help him with recalling anything. He really had drunk too much, Bucky hated not remembering stuff.

Now he stood in a big towel in front of the pile of clothes. Steve’s clothes. They smelled like him, like the detergent Bucky now associated with Steve, even if it lacked the man’s perfume. He looked at the mirror to see himself pressing his face into the shirt. He was pathetic. Had he mentioned it was the freaking stonewall shirt from Pride?

But the piece that made Bucky squirm the most was a pair of black briefs. Briefs that Steve had most likely worn at some point. Meaning they had been _down there_. And now they were touching Bucky’s dick and the thought alone made said dick perk up. Well, returning to the kitchen with a hard-on would be the icing on the cake, right?

Not to mention that the grey sweater pants didn’t really help hide the bulge at all. However, the stonewall shirt was too big for him and nicely not only hid the issue in the lower regions but also covered up the scar on Bucky’s shoulder. Thank god for small mercies. 

Bucky’s stomach again proclaimed its desire for food, he even could faintly hear Steve move around in the kitchen. Taking one last deep breath and look in the mirror, Bucky opened the door again.

Steve glanced up from where he was placing something in a pan on the stove. He visibly stocked and looked Bucky up and down for a moment. Why did Bucky get the impression that the fond smile was a little bit on the sad side? “Hey, come on take a seat. Are you hungry?”

“Starving,” Bucky mumbled while sitting down where a plate stood with a glass of orange juice and a mug. To his great dismay, it was not a mug of coffee. The smell was all wrong. He heard Steve chuckle and looked up trying not to pout. “I’m sorry. I don’t drink coffee, it’s just black tea. Don’t drink it if you don’t want to.”

No coffee? How does that man survive? Also, the bright skylight reminded Bucky of his headache. Trying to shield his eyes, Bucky focused on the sandwich sizzling in the pan and the delicious smell of melting cheese. 

“Are the lights too bright?” 

“Uh- It’s just- headache, you know?”, Bucky mumbled embarrassed. But Steve just got out his phone and… dimed the skylight?

“It isn’t real,” Steve laughed at Bucky’s confused look. “It just pretends to be a skylight. There is another apartment over me. How’s the light now?”

“Good,” Bucky said while he marveled at modern technology and stared up. But he was interrupted by Steve putting the sandwich on his plate. “Here, eat up.”

Steve made up for the lack of coffee up with the best grilled cheese sandwich Bucky ever had. It, of course, didn’t quite meet the nostalgic feeling of his mother’s version, but it was damn good. The bread was tastier than the normal American sandwich and also there was so much cheese and not just the cheap one Bucky was used to. It was heaven.

Bucky heard Steve chuckled again and looked as the man started to prepare a second sandwich “Glad to know, it meets your approval. Clint mentioned that you both like your pizza with extra cheese, so I thought I couldn’t go wrong with a grilled cheese sandwich.”

“Yeah, it’s really good,” Bucky mumbled between bites, unsure what else to say. Steve knew that Bucky liked cheese? Steve had thought about what Bucky would like to eat? He didn’t know how to feel about that.

Instead, he preoccupied himself with devouring grilled cheese sandwiches. But he stopped Steve from making a fourth one. As delicious as they were, Bucky was full and started getting drowsy. He really missed his coffee. But glaring at the mug didn’t suddenly conjure up any. Sadly. 

“Alright, alright, if you don’t want it, let me drink it,” Steve laughed as he took the mug away. In return, Bucky showed how mature he was and pouted at the man. He blamed it on the lack of coffee! 

“Yeesh, we can get you coffee when I drive you home, okay?” The older man said with an eye roll, but the smile on his face showed that he wasn’t really annoyed.

“Uh, I can take the subway?”, Bucky said while nipping on the orange juice. 

“Yeah, no, I’m sure your hangover will approve of all the people and the lights in the metro. Besides, I want to make sure you get home safely.”

“Uh, okay? If I’m not keeping you from work,” Bucky was caught off-guard, but he wasn’t against taking the car, because Steve was right, the subway would be loud and bright.

“I’m the boss, I can decide when and where to work,” Steve said with a cheeky grin. 

“Okay, well then let me get my things. So I can get out of your hair?”

Steve frowned. “Sure, we can leave right now, but don’t feel like you have to hurry, okay?” 

“Yeah, uh- but I’m getting sleepy again, and well…”

“Oh, okay. Whatever you want.” 

Getting his things allowed Bucky to leave the weirdly awkward tension between them for a moment to catch his breath, even if the tension was right back when they left the apartment together. Not to mention that the sun alone was enough to make Bucky’s headache act up. Steve again showed how attentive he was when he conjured up a pair of sunglasses to save Bucky from the evil light.

“Alright, what kind of coffee do you want?”, Steve eventually asked while Bucky was starting to doze off in the passenger seat. It’s his only excuse for saying: “What If I want an iced coffee with milk and chocolate and an extra portion of cream?”

Steve looked at him incredulously before he started to laugh for real. 

“What?! I don’t care if it gives me diabetes, it makes me happy!” 

“Sure, sure. Whatever you want, Buck. Whatever you want.” Bucky’s heart made a stupid jump, that really didn’t help the situation.

But Bucky very much wanted his sugary coffee drink, thank you very much, and so he was happily slurping on it while Steve drove them to Brooklyn. Behind the dark sunglasses, Bucky felt safe to gawk at the handsome face. A smiling face, whose owner sometimes looked over with an amused little grin. Bucky wanted to kiss it but instead busied his mouth with his coffee.

When they came to a stop not far from Bucky’s apartment, Bucky took a deep breath, because somehow he didn’t want to leave the car and the older man’s presence. “Right- uh. Thanks again for taking care of me, I hope I wasn’t too much of a nuisance.”

There was a moment of silence again before Steve’s hand landed on Bucky’s shoulder and squeezed it. “It’s quite alright. Just try not to drink that much in the future? it’s a bit risky to get so plastered, especially without someone to look out for you.”

“Yeah,” Bucky felt shame well up in him, but so did want. Why couldn’t Steve look out for him? “Well, thanks again for looking out for me, I uh-” He didn’t look the man in the eyes while he unfastened the seatbelt and removed the sunglasses to give them back.

“No, keep them. It’s alright. You can give them back to me together with the clothes, okay?”

“Okay, sure. I’ll- uh- see you?”

“Yeah, see you.”

Not wanting to leave, but also fleeing the awkward tension between them, Bucky left the car and hurried to his apartment complex. But he couldn’t stop himself from looking back one last time. Steve looked frustrated while he talked to someone on the phone. Work must be stressful. And thinking about it, Steve worked on Saturdays? But well, he was a boss. Bucky ducked his head and retreated inside the building. Maybe he should just take another nap.

* * *

_“Still awake Bucky?” “I like your smile” “Yeesh Bucky” “I think I’m going to be sick” “look at you like a thirsty bitch” “Shhh. It’s okay Bucky. Don’t cry” “one sleepy boy in need of a bed” “‘m a good boy” “be my Daddy and take care of me”_.

Trust his brain to use that nap to actually remember bits and pieces. Now Bucky sat in his bed asking himself if that really happened. Had he seriously called Steve _Daddy_?! His life was over, there was no way he could ever look Steve in the eyes again.

Then again, the man must remember all that Bucky had said and he had still been kind, had still _taken care_ of Bucky, had made him breakfast, and had even gotten him his stupid coffee. Which made Bucky realize that he hadn’t paid for the drink. Fuck. What was that supposed to mean?!

Bucky’s phone vibrated. Thinking about it, it had been doing that for some time now. But where was it? When he finally found it under the nightside table (however did it get there?!) he saw that he had three unread messages and two missed phone calls from Loki, who seemed a little bit concerned about Bucky’s survival.

“Barnes! Fuck you, I’ve been trying to find out what happened to you all day long!”

“Well, how did you know this wasn’t my murderer calling you?”

“... Not funny.” 

“Yeah, sorry. So, the status is alive? But I’m thinking about changing that? God, I made such a fool of myself.” 

“You know, while I know I’m a god, you can just call me Loki. But tell me how you made a fool of yourself?”

Snorting Bucky proceeded with telling Loki all the things he remembered and what happened in the morning. He really needed someone to wine and he couldn’t do that with Nat. That would end horribly for him.

“Wait, wait. So you called him Daddy and asked him to take care of you… and he made you breakfast, drove you home, and bought you coffee?”

Bucky just groaned. “Yeah, but he also said nothing! Like nothing! No that’s not right, he actually said _maybe that's for the better_ when I said I couldn’t remember…”

“But he still _took care of you._ Just like you asked him to. Mixed signals, mixed signals everywhere.”

“Yeah. Not helpful… What am I gonna dooooo?”

“Call him Daddy again and see what happens?” 

“Gargh!”

“Just a suggestion”

“No, I can’t do that! Once was bad enough. Or twice… I actually don’t remember how often I already did…”

“Okay, you know what. Next week, you and I are-”

“If you say ‘ _going drinking’_ I'm going to hang up!”

“Nah. My head is too sore to think about alcohol again already. Now, I say we go to the spa here. I might have provoked Stark long enough that he gave me a coupon. But going alone is booooring, so you can have it if you keep me company.”

“Wait, there is a spa in Star Tower? No, forget, I asked, of course, there is.” 

“I take that as a yes. Monday?”

“Uh sure, right after I finish work?”

Bucky heard the apartment door open and gulped hoping it was Kate and not Natalia. “Okay, I have to hang up now. We can discuss the details via messenger, right?” he managed to say before a knock at his door and a “James?” told him he was out of luck.

“Let me get dressed!” he called out, hanging up on Loki, before hurrying to throw clothes on. 

“Those are not your clothes. You don’t own short pants,” was the first thing Nat said while she looked at him with raised eyebrows. 

“Yeah, well… Steve gave them to me?” Bucky said sheepishly.

The look Nat gave him, made Bucky wish he could somehow make Nat forget about this and just retreat back to his room. But then she sighed and sat down on the couch with an amused smile. “You know, when I got excited about you going out yesterday, I didn’t mean you should overdo it.”

Sitting down beside her, Bucky tried to look as innocent as possible. “I blame Loki? And free booze? And I didn’t really mean to end up that plastered? And I don’t want a repeat performance?” 

“Do you at least have a gigantic hangover?”

“I woke up with a killer headache, but Steve gave me painkillers. Now I feel mostly fine, a bit sensitive to the light and noises but otherwise, I’m good. I vomited? And well that does help, right?”

“Please tell me you didn’t vomit on my boss.”

“No! No! He got me to a toilet...? I don’t remember it all that well.” 

Nat just rolled her eyes. “Well, at least you were with Steve, with him I knew you were in safe hands. Not to mention that he was clöever enough to let me know that you were plastered and at his place.”

Trying not to blush or otherwise not giving something away was exhausting, but Bucky was saved by the apartment door opening again.

“Hey Kate!”, they sang in unison and watched as their roommate looked around the corner with a big grin. “Bucky! You look so alive. Had a fun night?”

Bucky could only groan, while Nat started to giggle. Kate’s grin just got bigger. “Let me put away my things, then I want aaaaall the details.”

Remembering that his roommates were hyenas, Bucky tried to steel himself. But while they had a great laugh at his expanse, Bucky managed to keep the really embarrassing details to himself. No way he was giving them, or especially Nat, that kind of blackmail. Even if Bucky wondered what her face would look like if he told her, that he called her boss Daddy.

* * *

Sunday, or Bucky’s last day before potentially running into Steve again and dying of embarrassment, he spent at Clint’s house. Now in the afternoon, the twins had already left, and Nat had to go to work. Kate and Laura had decided to do a spa day while looking after the kids, but since Bucky already had a spa date with Loki tomorrow he instead spent the afternoon with Lucky in the garden.

Originally he had agreed to help Clint with the movie room, but the man was still preoccupied with removing all the things they had stuffed into that room in the last few years. Fighting with Lucky over a stick was more fun anyway.

“Are my trousers comfortable?” 

Bucky startled, let go of the stick, and fell ungracefully on the grass. Because by now Bucky knew that voice, knew that chuckling laugh and he looked flabbergasted at Steve, who was walking closer.

“Wa-Wu-Uh?” he said while he tried to comprehend the situation and looked down at Steves’s pants and blushed furiously. “I was going to wash them later and then give them back to you tomorrow!”

Still chuckling Steve held out a hand for him to pull him up. Maybe Bucky was too overwhelmed to catch himself, or maybe Steve was just too strong but Bucky ended up with his nose in Steve’s chest. 

“Careful there,” the man said while he steadied Bucky with his other arm. Now engulfed in Steve’s smell, Bucky just wanted to bury himself in these arms and ignore everything else. It was so unfair, he had to stifle a sob.

“And you might have to wait a bit with giving me my clothes back, I’m leaving the country in a few hours and don’t know when I’ll be back.”

“Wh-What?” Bucky looked up, but Steve was looking ahead into the garden where Lucky was happily chewing on his stick. “I’m leaving later today, I have some business to do in Iraq.”

“ _Iraq?!_ ” Bucky felt like he was going to choke on the lump that was forming in his throat. His hand squeezed Steve’s hard, which also made him realize that they were technically _holding hands_.

Steve’s eyes snapped to him while his hand squeezed back. “Hey. Whoa. It’s alright. I’m mostly going to say within the International Zone and the U.S. Embassy there. I’ll be quite safe.”

“It’s Iraq!”, Bucky shot back with unhidden panic. Whyever would someone go to that godforsaken place?! And if that wasn’t enough, Steve now started to let go of him. Forcing down the desire to cling to that man so that he wouldn’t be capable of leaving the country, Bucky started to feel numb.

But the numbness came in handy because otherwise, he would have burst into hysteric tears when Steve’s arms pulled him into a hug. Too many feels, Bucky didn’t want them. 

“Shhh. It’s okay, I’ll be alright. And I won’t stay there for long, just about a week, okay? And then I have business to do in Wakanda.” 

“Okay,” Bucky said with a wobbly voice. “Take care of yourself?” 

For a moment Steve squeezed him a bit tighter and Bucky thought the man had kissed his hair. “Of course. You’ll take care of my clothes until I get back?” 

“Sure,” Bucky mumbled into the other man’s chest, breathing in deep before letting go unwillingly when Steve took a step back. 

“How about you give me your number, so I can tell you when I’ll be back?” Bucky could only nod because the lump in his throat made him incapable of speaking. He typed in his number on Steve’s phones with just barely shaking hands. 

Waving for goodbye, while wishing for another hug, Bucky watched through the glass door as Steve said goodbye to Clint and vanished in the hallway. When the door closed behind him, Bucky sank back down to the floor. 

Lucky came over and started to lick his face and made him realize he had started crying. Being in love was awful. Hugging Lucky tight he started to cry for real. Something Clint must have heard because the man came rushing out and crouched down beside him. “Buck?”

“Sorry, sorry. Just not having a great day.” 

“Did Steve say something?” Clint said with an edge in his voice. 

“What. No! It’s just. He said he was going to Iraq,” Bucky looked up at Clint’s frowning face. 

“Bucky, I’m not going to say that Iraq is not a dangerous area. I mean, it’s a war zone, and IS is capturing cities, but Steve is staying in Bagdad in the former green zone and mostly within the U.S. Embassy, he will be quite safe… It’s not like at the beginning of the war. Or when your father and his team were sent there for intelligence and reconnaissance.” 

It was moments like this, that Clint showed that he knew too much. Bucky certainly had never told him, that his father had been special forces. Or that he had died in Iraq months before the war officially began. Bucky only knew it because of a few things his mother had said to herself when she thought she was alone and because he had linked random pieces of information. Intelligence and reconnaissance, hm? It was nice to get confirmation. 

“Doesn’t mean I have to like him going there,” Bucky grumbled and tried to stop thinking about his father.

There was a moment of silence, that made Bucky look up at Clint. The man was still frowning, but this time it was a pensive frown. “You like him. You like Steve.”

Bucky opened and closed his mouth like a fish, not knowing how to defend himself, so instead, he buried his face in Lucky’s fur. 

“Oh Bucky, can’t you for once find a boy closer to your age?”, Clint sighed and kissed the crown of his hair. But that only reminded Bucky about Steve kissing his hair because now he was fairly sure that _that_ actually had happened and he had no idea how to feel about it, or how to interpret it. 

In the end, Bucky couldn’t shake the feeling, that his actions and stupid words were the reason that Steve was leaving the country. This was only reinforced when Nat mentioned that she would have to work more because Steve left the country on _short notice_. All in all, it left Bucky feeling like shit.

* * *

In case you wondered what Steve's apartment looks like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahem, well, you know these guys, it's never that simple with them? 😬  
> Come tell me what you think in the comments if you want. I love to hear from you.  
> And again you can find all the housings [on tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/post/626807136018661376/slightest-touch-yes-i-rebuild-the-housings-of-my)  
> 


	13. Thirteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There will be text messages and more of Loki's good advice. Other than that, will Bucky stop being dense?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there everyone.  
> I can't believe I'm nearly finished with this part. Just one more chapter to go 😱

* * *

“You look like shit,” Loki said with raised eyebrows on Monday. 

“Why thank you,” Bucky said scowling. He had barely slept thanks to his mind producing horror scenarios about what could potentially happen to Steve in Iraq. His mood maybe was not the best.

Loki only rolled his eyes. “You should have just said  _ Daddy don’t leave  _ and everything would have been fine.”

“Fuck you. It’s not funny, okay! Besides, there is absolutely no way that someone like Steve would ever want someone  _ like me. _ ” 

Now Loki stopped grinning. “You know, I wish I could put a knife between the rips of that person - or persons- that made you so insecure. I mean, have you seen yourself? You are quite good looking. Sure, looks aren’t everything, but you are also smart, so I can talk to you about things, you are nice and friendly. Maybe you are a bit shy, but you can be quite sassy and I like your sense of humor. I think you are quite a catch.”

Caught off guard Bucky could only stare at Loki dumbly. He was aware that people found him good looking, even if he was awful at taking compliments. And maybe he wasn’t stupid, but still. “I’m damaged goods. No one wants a recovering addict with mental issues.”

“Am I?” Loki looked at him with piercing eyes that made Bucky uncomfortable.

“What?” he asked hesitantly.

“Do you think I am damaged goods? I mean, what you just said can also be applied to me, right?”

“No! That’s not…” Bucky spluttered.

“Hmhm, that’s what I thought. Aside from that, how long have you been clean now?”

“Uh, I… 3 years in a good month?” Has it already been 3 years since he came back? Really? Bucky blinked surprised at the realization. 

“See. That’s quite some time. I’m just about two years in. Are you going to therapy? Do you think you are doing better?”

“Yeah…”

“Good. Don’t let anybody tell you, that you are damaged goods. And now come on, time to get pampered in the spa.”

Snorting Bucky hurried to keep up with Loki. “Sounds like you have plans for us.”

Of course, Loki had plans. Not just for today, but the rest of the week as well. A whole lot of plans to keep Bucky’s mind busy, so that it didn’t constantly think and worry about Steve. So, did Bucky get waxed? Maybe. Did they go shopping and Bucky now owned lingerie? He will plead the fifth on that one.

Another evening they went out eating with Thor, Jane, and Darcy. Bucky was greatly entertained by Loki’s and Darcy’s bantering that bordered on foreplay. The tension was thick between these two. And by the way, Jane rolled her eyes at times, he wasn’t the only one aware of it. 

Friday they ended up watching a movie in Loki’s room. Bucky hadn’t been convinced about the Lone Ranger, but soon learned while it had a bit of a sluggish middle he still laughed enough. The biggest crime of the movie, in Bucky’s opinion, was hiding Armie Hammer’s face. Loki rolled his eyes and made him watch Mirror Mirror. Save to say Bucky had a new celebrity crush. 

On Saturday Loki managed to make Bucky go out drinking one last time. It was a bit of a déjà vu to their first night out. Sure, they were in a penthouse and not a bar but Loki vanished with the same older man as before and Bucky spent most of the night drinking shots with Brunnhilde. But this time he had learned his lesson and drank water in between even if she teasingly called him a pussy. 

While Brunnhilde and he were still joking around Loki suddenly reappeared looking pale. “They’re doing drugs in the backroom.” 

Bucky felt like someone had splashed a bucket of cold water over him. He grasped Loki’s hand tight. “Did you-?”

“No!... But…” 

“Yeah, okay. We better leave  _ right now _ .” 

Loki didn’t resist when Bucky pulled him along with a quick goodbye wave at Brunnhilde. When they had reached Loki’s room at Stark’s Tower, Loki had mostly caught himself but he was still oddly quiet. Bucky felt like he couldn’t leave him like that, so he stayed another night.

In the morning he didn’t really want to leave, unsure when he would ever see Loki again. Bucky sure as hell didn’t have the money for a trip to Norway. But today was also Lia’s birthday party, so he said goodbye with a heavy heart to rush home for a shower and a change of clothes. If he ended up grabbing Steve’s pants again that was nobody’s business. He was late! 

Sure enough, upon his arrival, Bucky was asked if he had a ‘ _ nice weekend’  _ and _ ‘how nice it was to see him again’. _ Bucky rolled his eyes and devoted his full attention to Lia. It was her special day after all.

* * *

When Bucky woke up on Monday he had to force himself to get up. Now with Loki gone there was not all that much to look forward to. Well, except for the internship. But as much as he liked it, it was still work. And there was nothing to keep him busy after work ended.

Nat still had to work more, Kate had an archery competition coming up, Vision was of course in Wakanda and even Peter was busy trying to catch up with the schoolwork he missed, now that his one-month internship was over. Maybe he should ask the twins if they wanted to go to the movie theater or something. Or he could visit the Defenders on Friday because Stephen (that still sounded weird in Bucky’s mind) had complained that Rand was annoying him asking after Bucky and if he could please just show up to make the man shut up.

Groaning he looked at his phone, it had a bunch of new messages, that he expected to be from Loki telling him he was back in Norway and most likely Vision telling him more about Wakanda. He decided to read them on the train ride and get ready first.

So now he sat in the subway and had to find out that while some were in fact from Loki telling him they had landed in Norway the others were from an unknown number. While the picture the unknown number had sent him was in fact from Wakanda as it showed the Golden City, it was clearly not from Vision. Not just because it was from an unknown number, but also because Vision didn’t make that kind of artistic pictures, especially not landscapes. 

> Unknown Number:
> 
> _ Hey Bucky, I just arrived in Wakanda to see the early morning sun illuminate Birnin Zana. I hope you are doing well. Nat’s picture shows me that you still think my trousers are comfortable. Have a good day, Steve _ .

Bucky sat there staring at his phone in disbelief. Steve. Steve had messaged him?! Steve, who was safe in Wakanda. Steve, who thanks to Nat, the rat, knew that Bucky still wore his trousers. Overcome with embarrassment and relief he nearly burst into tears in the middle of the train.

Dazed he reached Stark Tower, and he had to work now, so it was okay to wait with replying till evening, right? Of course, Bucky then spent all-day agonizing about what to reply, but still had no clue in the evening.

Sitting on his bed and trying to tuck the strand of hair that was tickling his nose behind his ear he deleted the next failed attempt of a reply. They always sounded either too formal or too forward. Not to mention, that Bucky had no idea how to respond to the trousers part. He couldn’t just ignore it, could he? Then again he hadn’t gotten the impression that Steve was angry about Bucky wearing them, more amused. Should he joke about it? Maybe that was his best choice.

> Bucky:
> 
> _ Hey Steve, I hope your business went well. I’m glad you are safe in Wakanda now. I’m doing okay. Believe it or not, I haven’t worn short pants in forever but now I have seen the light! Hope you have a nice stay in Wakanda, I have to admit I’m a bit jealous. Bucky _

Of course, it was the middle of the night in Wakanda when Bucky finally hit ‘sent’, so he had to go to bed knowing he could potentially wake up to a text from Steve, it made falling asleep harder.

> Steve:
> 
> _ That so? Do I have to be afraid of never getting my pants back? Business went very promising, so the stay was a success. Admittingly Wakanda is now more holiday than work that I kind of stole from Sam? I’m sure Vision has already sent you lots of pictures.  _
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ I’m not a thief! No, I guess I’ll have to buy my own pairs.  _ 😕 _ And Vision has sent me lots of pictures, yes. But mostly from the inside of Princess Shuri’s lab. _

Was Bucky a coward for again waiting till the evening to answer? He was also a bit impressed with himself for managing to be so smooth.

> Steve:
> 
> _ Poor you! Maybe I should just be generous and give them to you? Why am I not surprised, Vision is so caught up with the technology I don’t think he really left the lab. Btw just call her Shuri or she’ll come to get you.  _ 😄

Was it weird that Bucky was squealing at the smiley? He was squealing at the whole message to be truthful.

> Bucky:
> 
> _ Don’t dangle things in front of me like that! That’s totally unfair.  _ 🥺 _ And Vision has only just arrived, I guess we should let him admire the lab in peace. _
> 
> Steve:
> 
> _ Am I being mean? Now that’s not what we want. Well okay, if Vision is busy admiring the lab, then maybe I should just send you pictures of Wakanda? _

And Steve did. For the next several day’s Bucky woke up to several pictures with little descriptions on his phone. Bucky spent time looking through them every evening before bed, starting to ask small questions to find out that Steve would answer them all. 

The texts became longer and longer and Bucky even stopped thinking so much about what to write. It was lighthearted and very informative, even if Bucky couldn’t believe that Steve was willing to spend so much time answering all of his questions. Still, he started looking forward to seeing Steve’s messages every morning.

On Friday he showed up at Defenders’ gym just as promised, although that meant he couldn’t look at Steve’s texts until later. Somehow that evening was spent less with sparring and more with drinking, so in the end, he didn’t respond to Steve’s pictures at all. But since he didn’t want to just ignore Steve, he sent him a text to show how mature he was.

> Bucky:
> 
> _ Just so yu know, I can go drinkin without totally overdoing it! _

To Bucky’s great surprise Steve answered immediately, but then again it was already early morning in Wakanda., wasn’t it?

> Steve:
> 
> _ I’m proud of you. Did you make it home safe? _
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ Yup! Goign to bed noe! _
> 
> Steve:
> 
> _ Alright, sleep tight. I’ll send you pictures of the Warrior Falls later. _

With the phone still in his hand and a smile on his face, Bucky fell asleep. Only to die of embarrassment in the morning. What a way to show how supposedly mature he was. But Steve had sent pictures of the Warrior Falls and told him facts about the Amanzi Kwakhona Umlambo, the longest River in Wakanda as if nothing happened so Bucky decided to not mention it either and instead asked questions about the River Tribe. 

* * *

A few days later Bucky was sitting on the kitchen table while he was reading Steve’s text and asked some questions about the way the Border Tribe traditionally made their blue dye. 

“Are you texting Loki?” Nat asked while she was packing away groceries. 

“Hm? Oh. No.” Bucky answered absently while still typing out his question. But since Nat stopped moving and even Kate stopped peeling her potatoes in the kitchen, he looked up in confusion to find both of them looking at him intently. “What?”

“Nothing… It’s just, you’ve spent hours on your phone the past week. We thought it was Loki.” Kate said as she went back to her potatoes.

“Okay?”

“Yes, but now you’re telling us it’s not Loki, which leaves the question: Who are you writing with then? I mean there is always that little smile on your lips and you are so engrossed into whatever that person is writing.” Nat continued with a gleam in her eyes.

Bucky’s eyes widened as he realized he had been caught and hastily put the phone in his pocket. “I...Uh…” 

Kate and Nat now looked at him with raised eyebrows and Bucky felt his cheek heat up. “Did you meet someone?” Nat asked with a teasing grin as she leaned closer.

“I…?!” 

“Well, the way you keep looking at your phone, all dreamy and happy… It’s a good look on you.” Kate said with a smile.

“I don’t… It’s not… I don’t think he is interested in me.”

“Oh? But he sends you all these texts throughout the day. Taking the time to make you smile…” Nat was unconvinced and Bucky blushed at the implication. 

“Look at him blushing, so cute!” Kate squealed making Bucky blush harder.

“Soooo, who is he?”, Nat crowded in on him. 

Still blushing Bucky shook his head vehemently. No way in hell he was answering that, even if it would make Nat all the more nosy and he would have to watch his phone from now on. Bucky tried to blow away the flicker of hair that was tickling his nose until finally tucking it away before finally saying. “A man?”

Nat looked totally unimpressed. “A man? Really that’s all you’re going to say? Is he nice? Do you like him?” Bucky ducked his head and shrugged with still burning cheeks. It only made his roommates squeal some more. 

“Don’t get so excited! As I said, I don’t think he likes me like that.”

“And as I said, he spent’s a lot of time writing to you if he is not interested.”

“That’s not… I think he is just being kind, okay? Besides I’m not sure what he would even want with me?”

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

“I mean he is seriously out of my league, okay? He is… so damn good looking and he is so kind and… already made a career and I’m just this stupid young student.”

“You’re not stupid!” Kate immediately shouted from the kitchen making him smile.

“Okay, that’s not how I meant it. It’s just… he already has a job and everything and I don’t even have a degree yet.”

“Yet. You are nearly finished.” Kate said again with a pointed look at him.

“James,” Nat sighted meanwhile. “I take it he is way older than you?... Please tell me he isn’t married and has children.”

“Natasha!” Kate looked like she wanted to slap Nat with the wooden spoon in her hand.   


“What?! Just making sure. But okay, other questions. Do you think he is a good man? Do you think he cares for you?”

“Well, he worried about me getting home safe, I suppose?” Nad nodded approvingly at that but already started asking the next question. “And does-”

“How is your thesis going anyway, Kate?” Bucky interrupted her. It wasn’t a smooth change but Nat pursed her lips and let him get away with it. 

“Well, till the end of the months then I have to hand it in. But it’s going okay… for the most part.” Kate said with a shrug. 

“I can’t believe you two are both going to be finished with studying,” Bucky said a bit wistful, while he again tucked a strand behind his ear. 

“You’ll get there. Another thing you should get is a haircut.” Nat said with a grin.

“I’m actually thinking about letting it grow a little longer. Until it stays behind my ears. Admittingly it’s a bit annoying at the moment.”

“Bucky, my love, let me tell you about the beautiful existence of hairspray.”   


“Ha-Ha-Ha. Very funny.” Bucky glared at her.

A bit later Bucky sat on his bed and scrolled through Steve’s and his conversation. It really was a lot. And when he looked at all the times Steve teased him and some other things, he could actually wonder if that was flirting. But that was just wishful thinking, right? maybe he should get another opinion on the matter? 

Copying out some parts of the conversation and sending them to Loki, seemed like a good idea.

> Bucky:
> 
> _ Do you think this is flirting?  _ 😱

Of course, there was no answer because Loki was in Norway and it was the middle of the night there. Groaning Bucky laid down on the bed while his mind continued to think about the possibility. What if Steve was flirting with him, what if Steve was interested…  _ what if they would start dating _ ?

For a moment he allowed himself to dream about it. Getting more hugs from the man, feeling safe in his arms. Bucky remembers the fleeting feeling of Steve kissing his head. There would be more of that, there would be  _ real kisses _ . More of the soothing voice and gentle touches.

Or not so gentle touches. Bucky’s mind brought back the memory of their sparring match in June when Steve had pushed him in the mattress, even leaving little marks behind. A moan slipped out of Bucky’s mouth and he suddenly became aware of his hardening cock.

Blushing furiously Bucky sat up abruptly. He had told himself that he would not go there, he would not masturbate while thinking about Steve. Still, his traitorous eyes wandered to the plastic bag he had stuffed in the gap between his bed and nightstand, the bag with Steve’s shirt in it. Because Bucky clearly had a big moment of weakness he retrieved the shirt and pressed his face into it.

Bucky had not washed the shirt, so now he got a hint of Steve’s smell and it made want flare up in his body. Hastily shoving the shirt back where it came from he decided to take a cold shower.

* * *

> Loki: 
> 
> _ What?! _
> 
> _ What?!  _ 😲😲😲
> 
> _ You and Rogers have been writing?!  _
> 
> _ Why are you only sending me this now?  _ 😠
> 
> _ And yes, that is flirting. _ 😏
> 
> _ What else have you been hiding from me?  _ 🤨 _ You better call me when you get back from work! _
> 
> _ ASAP! _

Unsurprisingly Loki answered the Skype call after the first ring. He was already wearing a green silk pajama and was lounging in his bed with a glass of wine. 

“Classy,” Bucky grinned at him in greeting.

The other man only rolled his eyes and pointedly sipped on his glass. “Hello to you too. So you have been hiding juicy details from me. Tell me everything. Since when has this been going on?”

“A week? I didn’t think anything about it until my roommates asked why I was spending so much time on the phone yesterday… And our talk got me thinking and then I looked at the conversation again and was like  _ is this flirting _ ?” 

“ _ Is this flirting?  _ You are so dense, Barnes. Yes, the man spent a lot of time teasing you, and don’t they say that teasing is a sign of affection? And from what I saw you even flirted back.”   


“I did?” 

Loki looked at him unimpressed. “You know what. Just talk to the man. I’m sticking to my advice: Just call him Daddy again.”

“I can’t do that!”

Loki rolled his eyes and leaned back. “I give up. Another question: Your roommates know it’s Steve?”

“No. Funny story actually, they thought it was you.”

“Me? What was me?”

“They thought I was texting you.”

Loki’s eyes widened in glee and he leaned forward. “Wait, wait wait. They thought it was me, they thought we had something going on? Oh, we could have so much fun with that.”

“Sadly I already told them it’s not you.”

“That’s a real shame. Fine, then tell me more about texting Steve.”

Listening to Loki analyzing Steve’s messages, Bucky was nearly convinced that maybe the man really was interested in him. So after Loki hung up to finally go to bed, Bucky’s mind started daydreaming again. Of course he also still had unread messages from Steve, so with a smile, he unlocked his phone, only to nearly drop it when he realized that Steve had sent a photo.

Of course, Steve had sent several phones to show Bucky things or underline what he was talking about. In this case, Steve wanted to show him an example of Wakandan symbols in their embroideries. But Bucky couldn’t care less about the embroidery on King T’Challa’s robes when the man wasn’t alone in the picture and Steve stood beside him. A smiling Steve. With a beard.

Blushing he hid his face in the pillow and let out a squeal before hastily going back to stare at the picture. Screw all the other pictures Bucky had seen. This was  _ the  _ picture. The combined handsomeness of these guys was really not fair. Not to mention the beard. The beard! 

His mind helpfully asked how that would feel like during kissing. Or other activities. Blushing Bucky noticed that his dick showed his interest again. Taking another cold shower he went straight to back and the only thing Bucky managed to text back was a ‘You grew a beard!”. 

However, his dreams didn’t much care about his decision to not masturbate while thinking about a certain blond man with a beard, so he woke up in the middle of the night humping his bed and moaning “Daddy”.

Cursing and unsuccessfully willing his hard-on away, Bucky accepted his fate and grabbed his phone to search for a porno to keep his mind well away from thinking about Steve. But of course, when he unlocked his phone there was a new message from said man.

> Steve: 
> 
> _ Really? The beard is all you take from that? _ 😂
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ I was surprised, okay?! _ 😳
> 
> This late, or early for Steve, the man replied nearly instantly.

> Steve:
> 
> _ Shouldn’t you be sleeping, Buck?  _

Bucky stared at the phone and then down on his dick and grumbled “Well Steve, your little beard surprise is causing problems that won’t let me sleep.” Only to look up when another message came in. 

> Steve:
> 
> _ Good or bad surprise? I’m thinking about shaving it before returning to annoy Arnie some more.  _
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ What? No!  _ 😱 _ That’s mean, you know he really wants to see it. _
> 
> Steve: 
> 
> _ Well, I’m hoping Arnie isn’t the only one who wants to see it. _

Staring wide-eyed at the screen Bucky wondered if Steve was talking about him. He had some vague memories about telling the man to grow a beard and that he would look like a Daddy with one. Which he did by the way. Very handsome Daddy face. Biting his lips, Bucky started typing back. 

> Bucky:
> 
> _ Well, I certainly would like to see it. You look really handsome _ . 
> 
> Steve:
> 
> _ Yeah? Well, then I’ll just have to keep it till I return. Or maybe even longer. _

Holding his breath, because now Bucky was pretty sure to read a subtext, he asked the most important question.

> Bucky:
> 
> _ When will you return? _

Bucky watched Steve typing, then stopping, then typing again for some while, until finally, a reply came.

> Steve:
> 
> _ I’m going to fly back this weekend. Will be back at work on Tuesday. Will you be able to wait that long? _
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ Not like I have much of a choice, have I?  _ 🥺 _ Just take good care of the beard until then!  _
> 
> Steve:
> 
> _ Aye-aye, sir! And now go to sleep, Bucky.  _
> 
> Bucky:
> 
> _ Okaaaaay. Good night.  _

With another squeal, Bucky put the phone away. Not that he was going to be capable of falling back asleep again, not when he was now pretty sure Steve was interested in him. 

His little friend was certainly still interested in Steve and Bucky decided to fuck it. Sure, if this didn’t end up the way Bucky hoped, he would be devastated. But that would happen anyway, so he could enjoy it while it lasted, right? Rushing to get rid of his briefs and then getting Steve’s shirt out of the bag to press his face into it, he finally started touching himself. 

Thinking about Steve’s hands touching him, Bucky’s asscheeks would fit perfectly into the man’s big palms. He imagined Steve pressing him down into the mattress while he fucked him. Gently and slowly. It would drive Bucky mad until he would beg. “Harder. Daddy! Please fuck me harder. Daddy please.” And Steve would lean down and whisper in Bucky’s ear “Hush, baby boy, Daddy is going to give you just what you need.” while speeding up.

It didn’t take long until Bucky laid on his bed with a mess on his stomach. Panting Bucky tried to grab the tissues in the nightstand but instead knocked down his phone. It was the exact same moment his mind began whispering again. That he was just a stupid boy, that Steve would never be interested in someone as pathetic as him. But when he picked up the phone, there was another text.

> Steve:
> 
> _ Good night! Sweet dreams, Bucky _ 🤗

His mind instantly fell silent and Bucky nearly sobbed in relief. He pressed his face into Steve’s shirt and inhaled deeply. Then he stuffed his pillow into the shirt and imagined that he was cuddling with the man until he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I won't lie. I may have burst into tears yesterday during editing when I reached the part of T'Challa's clothing and then just couldn't work on it anymore...  
> I hope you are all doing okay today. 🧸
> 
> Come talk to me in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/) if you want to. I love hearing from you.


	14. Fourteen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki:  
> If you don’t call him ‘Daddy’ the next time you see him, I’m going to disown you!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Folks, I can't believe this is the last chapter... My baby is finished! *wipes away a tear* AND THE SEQUEL IS UP

> Loki:
> 
> _ If you don’t call him ‘Daddy’ the next time you see him, I’m going to disown you!  _

Of course, Bucky had sent Loki a screenshot of his nightly conversation with Steve. Now he could only giggle at Loki’s response because really Bucky kind of had to, right? 

While still caught in a little Daddy daydream, Bucky read through text messages from Steve, asking if he had slept well that Buck replied to with a bunch of smiling emoticons and a ‘ _ Yes! _ ’

Kate and Nat looked at him with raised eyebrows but he could only grin as he got ready and then left the apartment with a spring in his step.

Still grinning full of giddiness he entered an elevator in Stark Tower to meet Sam Wilson there. The man looked at him with amusement. “Well, somebody is in a good mood.” 

Maybe Bucky should tone it down, but he couldn’t it nearly felt like he was high on something, so he just shrugged while still grinning from ear to ear. “It’s a good day. How are you?”

“Well then, I hope it stays a good day for you. I’m good, works a bit stressful, but I manage.” 

“I’m sure it’ll be better when Steve is back next week.”

Now Wilson turned towards him with narrowed eyes.” _ When Steve is back next week _ ? And how do you know, when he will be back?”

Eyes widening Bucky blinked at Wilson a few times. “Nat told me?”

“Now that didn’t sound convincing at all. Not to mention it’s hard for me to believe that Natasha told you, considering that I don’t even think she knows. I mean, I only know that Steve will be back next week for about an hour, why would he have told her? So let me ask you again, how do you know, Barnes?”

“I- uh, Steve told me?”

“Steve told you,” Wilson repeated and looked visibly caught off guard. “Wait… You two are in contact?”

“Well, yeah? We have been messaging a bit during his stay in Wakanda?”

“Oh really?” The man stopped looking perplexed and instead looked almost gleefully. But then his face turned neutral again and he turned away slightly. “Well I guess it’s time for Steve to return, I have benched him long enough.”

“Benched him?” Bucky repeated, while his brain was already going into overdrive.

“Hm, oh yes. I told him to sort out his priorities. You know he is a bit of a workaholic. So I told him to figure out what he really wanted: Just work, or does he want something else. The thing is he had a perfectly good opportunity at something more. It was basically handed to him on a silver platter, but he didn’t grasp it and let it slip through his fingers.”

Wilson wasn’t looking at him, but Bucky was gaping at him because that was a hint right? Which would mean that Steve had talked about it with his friend? 

“Well, this is my stop. Have a good day, Barnes. Oh and, call me Sam.”

Still gaping Bucky watched him go without saying a word in return. He was so caught off guard that he even missed his own stop. And maybe he wasn’t all there that day, but the implication of what Wils-Sam had said, was just. Another sign right? That Bucky wasn’t just daydreaming, maybe.

* * *

The closer Steve’s return came, the more nervous Bucky got. Was it real or was it not? Was he getting the next big smackdown off his life, or maybe one of the best things that ever happened to him?

With a heavy heart, Bucky washed Steve’s clothes on Sunday, already missing the man’s shirt that had become a permanent cover for his pillow. He would not sleep that well at night anymore.

On Monday he worried for hours about what to wear and in the end decided on one of his new blue suits, the baby blue ones. Steve would like that one, right? Then he stress-baked a bunch of muffins. With blueberries, because Steve liked those, right?  _ Right!? _

Not really sleeping but still full of nervous energy he left the apartment on Tuesday to get to work. There he spent his time counting the hours until his lunch. He then stopped for a short moment in front of the doors to SHIELD’s office, realizing he would be back for the first time since…

No. Nope. He wasn’t going to think about that. Expect maybe climbing into Steve’s lap, that had been kind of nice. And maybe if he had the courage to go in there, there could be more climbing into Steve’s lap in the future. 

He exchanged a few words with Cameron at the reception and then made his way over to Steve’s office. There he stopped for a moment with a raised arm and just stared at the door. Realizing that he must look like an idiot to anyone who was watching and running away wouldn’t make it better, he knocked.

“Enter.” he heard Steve’s voice and bit his lips. He had missed that voice. Slowly opening the door Bucky’s mind imagined being called to the principal’s office for being naughty or something and he had to stifle a groan. Not helpful, brain. Not helpful.

Closing the door behind him he finally dared to look up. His heart did a little double-take just from seeing the man and Bucky couldn’t help but smile. Steve sat behind his desk, only wearing a white dress shirt with a grey tie. But what really caught Bucky’s attention was, of course, the beard. 

It was, well, groomed. It looked like Steve had taken good care of it. It wasn’t yet that long, but then again it could only be a few weeks old. It was enough to make Bucky’s knees weak and he could only stare. He wanted to touch it, wanted to comb his fingers through it, wanted to kiss it, and see how it felt on his skin.

For a moment there was silence and then Steve stood up with a big grin, looking at Bucky like he was the greatest thing in the world. Bucky’s heart did a little skip before he started beaming right back.

“Hey,” Steve eventually said, making Bucky whisper “Hi” in return, while his face started to hurt from all the smiling. 

Slowly stepping around his desk, Steve asked “How are you?”

“Uh. Good. How are you?”

“Good, jet lag is bothering me a bit, but I will manage.” The man said, still smiling while Bucky continued to stare at his beard.

The smile turned more and more amused as more seconds passed in silence. “You like what you see?”

Realizing that he had been caught Bucky started to blush and ducked his head to stop staring. “Yeah, uh, you look very handsome.” Bucky couldn’t believe that he had just said that out loud.

“Yeah? So it meets your approval?”, came the soft reply that made Bucky all mushy while he simply nodded and wrung his hands.

They must look like idiots, Bucky realized, standing meters apart and caught in silence again. Remembering why he was here, to begin with, Bucky stepped towards the desk. “Oh! I brought your things!”

Putting his bag on Steve’s desk, he pulled the things out. It was mostly totally graceful, except for when he dropped the muffin box and Steve caught it with a quick hand and placed it on the desk himself. “That’s not my box.”

“Uhm, no. That’s my box. But the muffins inside are yours.”

“You… made me muffins?” Steve said and Bucyk could hear the confusion in his voice. 

“Yes, well I… yeah.” Bucky shrugged lamely while still staring at his bag, he didn’t dare to look back up at the beard. It was like a siren’s call. He wanted to touch it. If he just raised his arms, he could do just that because by now Steve was standing right next to him.

“Muffins, huh. Well, if I remember correctly Pietro said these are your strongest form of bribery. Is there something you want?” 

Bucky had to bite back a whimper because he could think of a lot of things he wanted from Steve. “No, not bribe! They are… a thank you for, you know, the clothes and for looking after me… They are with blueberries, you liked those, right?”

“So far I liked all three variants of your muffins.” 

This made Bucky stock and he looked up at Steve with confusion. “All three? When did you eat the ones with peanut butter?”

Steve’s smile turned a little wistful as he looked at Bucky with soft eyes. “I managed to snatch one from the buffet. I even told you later that evening, but I guess you don’t remember, huh?“

Now that Steve had mentioned it, Bucky got a vague memory about that part of their conversation and quickly looked back at the box to hide his blush. “Oh.”

A hand came up and settled on his shoulder and Bucky automatically leaned into it. Again realizing how close he was to the other man, Bucky got hit with the man’s scent and nearly whimpered. He had forgotten that the shirt had only smelled like Steve’s detergent, not like his cologne.

Fighting the urge to urge to lean even closer, Bucky instead looked up at Steve’s face through his eyelashes. The beard really was like a siren's call and Bucky let out a shuddering breath and braced himself on the table, his hands grasping the edge of the table.

“So, uh, how is work? Is it stressful?” he asked lamely to get a conversation going, while hyper-aware of Steve’s hand still on his shoulder, squeezing a little.

“It’s manageable. Sam did a good job. Even if he complained that we needed another manager because it was really becoming too much for one person alone. But well, hopefully, my visit to Iraq was a success and we have someone new soon.”

“Oh right, you mentioned that you were searching for someone,” Buckys said absently while looking at Steve with a frown. “Wait… that’s why you visited Iraq? I thought… No, nevermind.” 

Now Steve frowned at him. “Yeah? What did you think?”

Biting his bottom lip Bucky hastily looked back down. “I thought you left because of me… I mean, I wondered if I said something that offended you, and well…”

“Oh, Bucky.” The hand squeezed his shoulder again “Not that- you didn’t offend me with anything, okay? I just- had to take the opportunity.”

“Oh.” Bucky just mumbled in return, while ‘Why then did you visit Wakanda’ was the next thing he wanted to ask, thinking back at that elevator conversation with Wilson. Sam.

The hand let go of his shoulder and Steve moved a bit until he was leaning on the table right next to Bucky. “How is your internship going?”

“Good. I’m in development now and, yeah, it’s great. We are working on service robots.”

“Yeah? That’s something you like?” The man’s voice was soft and Bucky could only nod in return, while he stared down at his hand that was laying right next to Steve’s.

His pinky finger twitched, brushing slightly against Steve’s and he held his breath when he saw Steve’s pinky finger move as well until it laid on top of his own. Their pinky fingers were now entwined and Bucky felt the blood rush in his ears as he let out a shaky breath. Because this was the last proof, right? There was no way Steve would do this if he was not interested in Bucky.

Gathering up all his courage, Bucky straightened himself and took a step back. Finally looking at Steve again, he saw how the man rightened himself as well until they were standing right in front of each other. Bucky could smell the other man, could feel his body heat, and the ghost of his breath on Bucky’s face. 

With one last breath, Bucky stepped even closer and leaned his head against the other man’s chest. Arms came around him gently and Bucky nearly sobbed with how good it felt and hugged back tightly. 

For a moment they just stayed like that, gently caressing each other. Never wanting to let go, Bucky whined when he felt Steve move back, but the man hushed him. Soon, Bucky realized that Steve was sitting on the edge of the table, legs parting for Bucky and arms pulling him closer.

Biting his lips Bucky grabbed the tie and started playing with it, while Steve’s huge palms gently moved up and down his body. Finally, Bucky looked up at the older man smiling shyly. “You know, I actually do remember some things that I said that night.”

Steve stiffened and his hands held onto Bucky a little tighter. When the younger man’s breath hitched and then the hands lessened the hold, the thumbs stroking gentle circles as if they wanted to apologize for the rough touch. Bucky felt dizzy and grasped the tie a little tighter. Not that Steve would ever let him fall, he realized with a smile.

“Yeah? What do you remember?” Steve’s voice was hoarse and Bucky had to blink for a moment to remember their conversation.

Worrying his bottom lip, Bucky let go of the tie and slowly reached up with the intent to finally touch that fucking beard. Hovering a moment he looked at Steve’s eyes, eyes that were burning into his while the man made no move to evade his touch, he even hugged Bucky a little bit closer. 

Finally, with another shaky exhale he touched the beard. Fingers stroking through it while still looking into Steve’s eyes. “I remember telling you that you should grow a beard and that you would look like a Daddy with one.”

The older man’s hands squeezed Bucky’s waist again making him shiver. Bucky felt like his insides were going to explode any minute now, his stomach was all twisted up while his heart was beating loud and fast.

“Yeah?” came the rough reply from Steve. “Well, as far as I remember you didn’t say ‘a’ Daddy, you said I would be the best Daddy ever.”

A squeak slipped out of Bucky’s mouth, or maybe it was a tiny moan. Bashfully he looked down at Steve’s beard again, combing through it with his fingers. Bucky tried to reassure his nerves that they were already hugging, already talking about it and that Steve wasn’t going to reject or ridicule him and with another shaky breath he looked back up at Steve’s burning gaze.

“I also remember telling you that I would want to be your Daddy, that I would want you to take care of me.”

Steve groaned and closed his eyes for a moment before he looked back down at him with a hungry but soft face. “Yeah? And is that still something you would want?”

One of the man’s hands had come up to stoke Bucky’s cheek and the younger man couldn’t stop himself from turning his head slightly to give it a kiss before he nodded.

“Words, baby, use your words. Tell me what you want.”

Squirming in embarrassment and desire Bucky whimpered and looked up at Steve with huge eyes. The man was still caressing his cheeks, smiling gently waiting for Bucky to say it out loud. “I- I want you to be my Daddy and take care of me.”

Another groan escaped Steve’s lips as he hugged Bucky tight, against his chest, totally engulfed in his arms, his warmth, his smell.

“Fuck, Bucky,” Steve mumbled against his neck. His breath made Bucky shiver and bare his throat. He felt the older man nuzzle it, before leaving a small kiss. Leaving a trail of little kisses Steve kissed his way up to Bucky’s chin before moving backward.

Steve’s thumb had still been stroking his cheeks and was now caressing Bucky’s bottom lip. Giving it a tiny kiss, Bucky looked up at the older man's dark eyes, as Steve’s other hand came up, stroking through Bucky’s hair before holding him close by the neck. 

“Daddy”, Bucky whined.

“What is it, baby boy?”, the other man said with a smile that showed he knew exactly what Bucky wanted.

Scowling the younger man sucked in the thumb that was still playing with his lips. Steve startled, eyes widening and then he groaned, removing the thumb and tapping it against the lips. “Naughty boy.”

It made everything within Bucky twist up, but it was also the moment Bucky realized that this was real and he had to giggle. Giddiness spread through him and he grinned widely as he looked up at Steve. “Whatcha going to do about it, Daddy?”

The man first looked surprised, before he groaned and closed his eyes. Bucky took the opportunity to lean closer until their lips touched. He felt Steve stiff and then heard him chuckle before Steve responded to the kiss. Nipping at Bucky’s lips while his hands held the younger man close. 

Bucky felt the fireworks explode in him and let out a breathy moan. It was just an open-mouthed kiss, no tongue involved, but it was still the best kiss ever.

The phone rang, startling both of them as they looked at the offending object. Steve huffed and in the next moment, he was back to kissing Bucky, completely ignoring his phone. Ignoring his work. Something inside Bucky purred in delight. 

That was until there was a knock on the door. With the annoyance not fully hidden Steve let go of his lips. “Not now.”

“I’m sorry Mr. Rogers, but it’s Mr. Fury on the line.” Bucky heard the hesitant voice of Cameron from the other side of the door. By the way, Steve’s whole body stiffened, Bucky realized that this was important. 

“Tell him I’m in a meeting and to give me a minute!” 

“Yes, sir.”

Breathing in deeply Steve’s eyes turned to him. “I’m so sorry Bucky, but I have to take this.”

With a smile, Bucky reassured him. “That’s okay, you’re at work after all. And I should probably get back to mine.” 

Steve’s lip twitched and with one last peck to Bucky’s lips, he let go. “Catch up after work?” 

“Sure.”, Bucky said and grabbed his bag. “See you later.”

When he looked back up, Steve was sitting down behind his desk just as the phone was starting to ring again. “Hello Nick, sorry, I was busy.”

_ Busy _ . Stifling a giggle, Bucky waved his goodbye and left the office to let Steve work in peace. Of course outside the first face he saw was Clint’s.

Bucky’s wide grin turned a little sheepish as he saw the raised eyebrows and he walked over to Clint when the man beckoned him over into his office. 

“Why are you grinning like that?” Clint asked, amused as he closed the office door behind them. 

Sheepishly Bucky shrugged because he honestly didn’t know what to say. Meanwhile, Clint looked at Steve’s office door and then back at Bucky and huffed. “I see. Well, just so you know: I don’t care if he is my boss if he treats you badly I’m going to kick his ass… But then again, it’s Steve, the possibility of him doing that is pretty small.” 

Grinning widely while still looking bashfully Bucky stepped into Clint’s open arms. “I’m not- we are- uh, we got interrupted so I’m not sure where exactly we are at. But we want to talk after work, so…” 

Clint squeezed him tight. “I just want you to be happy, Bucky. That’s all I want… Wait, does Natasha know?”

It was impossible for Bucky to stop himself from giggling. “Not yet?”

“Are you proud of yourself for hiding it from her?”, Clint asked and Bucky could hear the glee in the man’s voice.

“A bit? Oh, I can’t wait to see her face…”   


“You can’t film it, can you? You’ll have to tell me all the details! I’ll keep silent until then, okay? Wait, does anyone know?”

“No, only you. Nat and Kate know that there is someone I have been writing with someone, but otherwise: nope.”

“You think Pietro will throw a fit?”

“Because I’m maybe dating his running partner? As long as I don’t keep Steve too occupied for training it should be fine.”

They talked a bit more until Bucky really had to go back to work. His coworkers looked at him with amusement, when Bucky came back with flushed cheeks from running and a grin even wider than before his lunch break. They ripped him a bit, but Bucky took it in stride. 

Maybe Bucky looked at his phone a bit too often, but he was excited about getting a text from Steve. When none came he wondered if maybe Steve’s work turned out to be stressful after all and went back to his own. Only when he finished work, he wrote a quick message to ask the other man when and where they wanted to meet up. When there was no immediate answer, the doubts finally caught up to him. 

What if this showed that Steve wasn’t really interested? What were they even? Were they dating? Not to mention that Bucky still didn’t understand what Steve wanted with him? He was just a stupid boy, with no money or degree or anything to his name. While Steve was already...

Realizing he had spent minutes staring at his phone, he sighed and put it away. Wandering around Stark Tower Bucky waited for some time, but eventually, he wrote to Steve that he was going home now. He didn’t hurry with leaving the building, but when there was still no answer as he reached the entrance hall he sighed disheartened and left the building. 

Sulking he scruffled on the busy sidewalk towards the metro station. “Bucky!” Startled, Bucky turned around to see Steve running towards him, evading people that hadn’t jumped out of his way already. The man came to a halt right in front of him, not wearing his jacket or having a bag anywhere with him, and grasped Bucky’s arm. 

“Sorry. I’m so sorry. Work got busy and I lost myself in it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ignore you. I was in a meeting until 5 minutes ago and we lost track of time.” Steve said without catching his breath.

Bucky stared at him dumbfounded, realizing that Steve had rushed out of his office in the hope to catch up with Bucky. Noticing how his whole body slumped with relief, Bucky smiled up at the man. “It’s okay, you noticed just in time, didn’t you?” 

With absolute delight, Bucky noticed that Steve actually blushed. It made him want to squeal and kiss the man, but Bucky reminded himself that they were out in public.

“Yeah. I guess so? Anyway, I- I wanted to, uh, you know before we were interrupted and… Bucky would you go on a date with me?” 

“Like, right now?”, Bucky asked because clearly, he was stupid but also charmed with Steve fumbling around. 

Steve looked at him surprised and then down at himself, reminding Bucky that the guy had rushed out of his office and had nothing with him and- But then Steve smiled and pulled his wallet out of the back pocket. “Yeah sure, right now sounds perfect.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's it... at least for now. I'm already busy plotting the sequel. 😅 When I post it, I'll of course let you know!
> 
> If you don't want to wait that long (because I really don't know how long it will take me), you can read my other little story. [Catching Stardust](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26349787/chapters/64172575/). It's a fluffy stucky kid fic talking about stargazing, but most importantly: Stitch is cool. 
> 
> Otherwise, I love to hear from you in the comments or on [tumblr](https://allegedlyann.tumblr.com/). Thanks for being part of this journey! 🤗
> 
> THE SEQUEL IS UP


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